The Advent Child
by khadajkaddish
Summary: AU. Everyone wants a happy ending. With the birth of their son, Aerith and Zack think that they are finally getting one. But, there are secrets being kept and these omissions threaten everything.How do you get to happily ever after when happiness itself is only a dream?
1. Happiness

**AN: Just went through and did a bit of editing. Sorry to those who thought there was a new chapter.**

I don't own any of these characters, Square Enix does.

* * *

"Push."

He's been chanting this word for what seems like hours and her grip has gotten painfully tight. If she breaks his sword hand, he is done for. But, that doesn't matter because he's back to chanting and encouraging. In a few more _minutes/seconds/hours_, he is going to be a Daddy

A real life Daddy. He's going to be like one of those fathers on TV and nothing like his old man.

"I can see the head," the doctor stoically murmurs.

His wife just bears down; biting her tongue against the words she wants to say as contractions rip through her. And by Shiva, he loves her right now, loves her more than he's ever loved her before. Sweating, naked, and straining from childbirth, his wife is a Goddess.

She grunts and pushes and he chants and he chants. She curses him fervently at some point but he knows he will be back in her bed soon enough. They are Shinra academy sweethearts after all, though they are as different as night and day. The sun and the moon, they've come together to create an eclipse.

It has been _weeksdaysmonthsyearsminutes_ when he hears a furious little shrill. His heart is going to explode. He had been told a parent's love makes the heart bigger, but that can't be true because his heart has just burst and he can feel the love thudding throughout his body. He loves his wife, he loves this child, and he loves this-

"It's a boy."

* * *

The nurses are cleaning up the squalling infant and he is hovering to take pictures. He stops to cut the cord and he just can't help but wonder at life. Pictures and more pictures, he doesn't want to forget this day. He has been waiting years for this moment. The countless nights and fertility treatments have paid off.

The doctor goes to hand off his son to his mother, but the man intercepts. He needs this moment to be special, the moment when they both give their child a good look. He wants to count toes together, examine little fingers, and breathe the baby scent as one.

He can barely calm himself down and as the baby burbles, he can't help but break into a face splitting grin.

It's cliché but still he says, "Hey there buddy. I'm your Daddy."

Walking up to his wife, he coos again, "And this here's your Mommy."

For a moment, his wife is speechless, staring at the bundle instead of taking it. So he gives his wife a small nudge.

"Aerith, I think you've been waiting nine months for this."

The words snap his wife out of whatever daze she was in and she nearly snatches the baby out of his arms to have a closer look at him.

"He is such a beautiful specimen," she breathes, utterly enthralled by the pinched up face in front of her.

He takes his wife's remark in stride (she is a scientist after all) and sits beside her.

"He's our son," the man gently reminds his partner.

They have already agreed there will be no experiments on this child and he feels that now is a very good time to reiterate this to looks sheepishly at him before turning her gaze back to her child.

"I'd never hurt him, Zack."

And despite his warning, he knows this is mostly true but still considering the boy's genetics, he has his doubts. He chuckles, grabs his wife closer, and leans over to have a better look at the newcomer.

The child is _beautiful_ and that's not even a good enough word for it. Despite its newborn appearance, he can already see the nobility in its barely formed features and he can't want to have a photo on his desk at work. It'll have to share some space with the sonogram images though. Aerith removes the little baby hat and now he can clearly see the white down covering his son's head. A pang of disappointment rings in him that his boy doesn't have his spikes or Aerith's brunette but there is very little room for ungratefulness in this precious gift. They count fingers and toes and marvel over little baby noses and little baby feet. This moment is barely marred by the fact that there are traces of another man in his son.

* * *

The nurses are clearing things away. It has been an eventful day but a happy one. Zack strolls around with his sleeping son, still straining for similarities between him and his boy. He's got his mother's nose and maybe her mouth. His fingers and toes even have her delicate lilt. Aerith had teased that the baby had inherited his goofy ears but she's fallen fast asleep and can't aid Zack in his search anymore.

So back and forth he walks, looking, searching for glimpses of himself in his little stranger's face. All the while, love is pouring out his chest and splashing down his feet. He feels like he's drowning in it and but this is one tide he doesn't want to be saved from. Eventually, he begins to give up, a son is worth more than a lookalike and he will take what has accomplished with someone's help over the barrenness he was ridden with on his own.

He's stopped pacing by now and has returned to his now awake and outstretched wife's arms. Just as he is about hand his charge over, his little boy opens his eyes. The sight tears Zack's breath away and this boy is as good as and emerald mixed in perfect harmony, an echo of his parents, stares grumpily up at Zack, and he is in love. He kisses the boy's forehead and watches as he greedily latches onto his mother's breast. Letting his finger be taken into a possessive newborn hold, Zack can't hold back.

"Welcome to the world, Kadaj," he beams down into drowsy dichromatic eyes.

Kadaj just grasps his daddy's captured fingers a little tighter and continues to nurse. Zack laughs with all the joy he has in the world and kisses his wife right on the cheek.


	2. The Call

I don't own any of these characters, Square Enix does.

* * *

It has been six weeks and though she loves her son very much, Aerith is dying to get back to the lab.

In the beginning, they had promised that Zack would do most of the child rearing. She would be there for the first few months, the formative months, and then she was to be set free.

Zack would do the rest. As a military man, during a time of peace, Zack has significantly less important things to do and it is only fair.

Aerith is a scientist. One who had done many great things and had greater things still to do. Biology was in her blood. Biology was her blood and she cannot ignore it. Motherhood, in a way is a type of science, but it just is not the same. She cannot create as many things with her body as she can with her hands and a beaker.

Still, she can hear the call of the lab and the bubbling of experiments even as she rocks Kadaj to sleep. Science whispers in her ear and tells of the things that have yet to be done. She could make this world a better place for her boy, if only she would go back. It whispers that she needs out of this agreement and she knows it whispers true.

* * *

It is dinnertime when Aerith broaches the subject. Kadaj lays quietly content in a bassinet nearby. She has bought dinner. A master of chemistry, yet, the art of cookery is beyond her. She watches Zack glance every so often in Kadaj's direction and a twinge of jealousy is squashed down. Zack is two mouthfuls in when his wife decides to attack. Aerith clears her throat, her argument created and well formed.

"I want to go back."

Her voice is steady and her eyes are even steadier. Zack does not even flinch; he knows it has been coming. He has seen the glint in her eye and has caught her reading scientific journals to Kadaj as story tales.

"When do you want to start?"

Zack smiles at her surprise. He knows her in and out, like the back of his own soul and this little puzzle had not been hard to solve at all.

"In about three more weeks or so, Kadaj will be old enough then. I've created a regimen for him. I could still breas- , "she's cut off by Zack who only nods.

" It's fine," he says and his amused eyes let her know that he is telling the truth.

She sighs with relief. A small part of her was afraid this conversation would have been longer, would have been more bitter and she is glad she married this man. She was not sure of a child in the first place but now she knows that there is nothing to fear; she loves her son. Shiva, she loves him so much. He is one of her most perfect experiments and the only one she has ever been allowed to take home.

She loves his little toes and she loves his little button nose. She loves his intelligence too. Zack had said no tests but he is not home 24/7 anyway. A few intelligence tests and a physical test here or there. They are harmless; straight out of the baby books Zack bought the first positive pregnancy test. She swears he has studied them harder than he did for his 2nd class exam. She giggles at the thought. Oh, her little boy is so smart and so sweet but she cannot forget the call of the lab, the call of Him.

She wonders how He will take the news. He has never liked any of the products of this project, but this one hits very close to home. It was a gift from Hojo, his father, as a reward for being such a devoted mentee. Hojo is a brilliant man; one who understands Science's call and answers it faithfully. She would never have expected this sort of kindness and it makes her ever glad that Hojo is her mentor.

Zack, in his impatience and inability to choose, has simply wheeled the bassinet nearer to the table and makes faces in between bites. Aerith bites her lip and sneaks a glance at the baby. Kadaj, advanced for his age, smiles back lopsidedly. She cannot wait to post a picture in the lab or tell of his progress to Hojo. Furthermore, she is impatient to show Sephiroth what the product of her research has created. She just wants to show him that not all experiments have bad results.


	3. Daydreams

I do not own any of these characters, Square Enix does.

* * *

It began with a tug to a pant leg. Sephiroth looked down into eyes that were nearly his own and his heart stopped. Others merely passed by as blips in his semi-omnipotent eyes, but this child's arrival had nearly destroyed him.

It was the _boy._ Kadaj, Her child. The one created with his seed and then mockingly withheld from him. At first, he had tried not care. What was one child is the sea of children that bore his mark? Children whose unlikely existence was owed to the strength of his DNA. In that respect, this child was no different, but in all others, he was unparalleled.

Sephiroth knows this phenomenon is tied to the boy's conception. While the others were brought to life in a cradle of stainless steel, this boy was formed from an experiment fouled by passion, betrayal, and hate.

* * *

"She's pregnant," Hojo drawls in a bored voice.

Sephiroth pretends not to hear, too caught up in soothing the rage and jealously that wriggling furiously under his mask. Hojo frowns and turns to his science-experiment-and-sometimes-son.

"I said -."

But he is cut off by Sephiroth's strangled, "I heard you."

Hojo quirks a brow at the sight of the mask breaking but it does not deter him from his ultimate goal. The scientist toys with a test tube and spares another glance at his son.

"She needs your help," the scientist says disaffectedly and he sees Sephiroth stiffen.

Hojo continues, returning the test tube in favor of charts.

"She may be pregnant now, but who knows for how long? The malaises of Midgar are truly terrible things. The strength of your Jenova cells, the way they form a symbiosis with the host, is remarkable. Ah, the longevity and vitality of those cells, they would be an immense help."

Sephiroth, cotton mouthed and almost terrified to speak, whispers, "Are you asking my permission? You have never asked before, why should now be any different?"

Hojo's smile troubles Sephiroth.

"Why Sephiroth, she wants a more personal approach, of course. That was her request and she's such a good girl. I couldn't want but to help her in her endeavor."

Hojo's smile gets sweeter, sicklier, his lips spread thin around his face.

"You'll help won't you?" he says, knowing damn well Sephiroth's answer.

His body cold with shame and humiliation, but hot with regret, want, and need; uncurls the answer from his tongue. With an acceptance bordering on reluctance, Sephiroth's mask crumbles a little more before Hojo. The scientist takes it all in stride and cackles as his experiment-son rushes out to compose himself.

"Oh Science," Hojo muses aloud, "the interesting things you bring."

* * *

The meeting occurs days later, both dressed in hospital finery. The room is a sterile white and Aerith's tone is apologetic. Sephiroth surges towards her, rough and passionate, he will not have her pity on today of all days. It is over too soon and lying naked, dirty, and spent; Sephiroth hates Zack a little more and loves Aerith a little less.

"Why?" he croaks, wishing to himself that he had never met her eyes on that sky less day.

Aerith satiated, whispers, "I don't know."

She pauses to breathe deeply but green meets green.

"I've been selfless all these years; at least allow me this one indulgence."

Her gaze is too solemn and Sephiroth reaches for his clothes. The Great General is a coward when it comes to her, the girl who taught him how to be human.

"I-." His mouth is dry and suddenly Aerith is in front of him: beautiful, glowing, and furious. He wonders if it is the hormones.

"You didn't want this," she states.

He suddenly remembers lies that he had sprouted a thousand years ago.

"Stop hating him for it, stop hating me for it, but most of all, stop hating yourself for it! Always so selfish. Don't you see? This way we can all be together. All together as one and I can have the both of you," Aerith breathes.

Sephiroth scoffs in his head and laments in his heart over her words. If only they were…_true_.

Aerith is quiet after this, sullen and pouting. Sephiroth is lost in her passion, heartsick at what most would see as a confession. Oh, but Sephiroth knows, he has known this girl too many years to see it as anything other than propaganda. Mechanically, he puts on his clothes and tries to close down his heart.

* * *

Two weeks later, when he discovers a neatly written report titled, "Introducing Jenova Cells After Conception", his fears are confirmed. He vomits in a nearby sink and later punches Hojo in the face.

Sephiroth sighs deeply and buries his heart deeper. It is not until months later, with the birth of his somewhat-son, that he feels anything. He very dearly wishes to return to the numbness. The ache is wide and deep and the pain is low and keening. There is little relief. She lied to him and if he had of known of this bone deep grief, then he would have doggedly refused.

Still, when Aerith shows up with a photograph and the notion that experiments can have good results, he shakily accepts and laughs hysterically (_inside_) at her terrible cruelty. On lonelier than lonely nights, he stares at the newborn face he loves and sees reminders of the people he hates. Outside, in his shell of iron and distance, he hates the boy just as much as he hates the others. But inside, where things are soft and pulpy, he dreams of being Gaia's best father. To a man without family, the boy has become like a bone to a starving dog.

* * *

Another baby tug brings Sephiroth out of his reverie.

"Da," the boy says and reaches snow-white arms.

The child looks ridiculous in his brightly colored, animal themed outfit and Sephiroth briefly muses if Shinra would find him if he were to take the boy and run to the ends of the Gaia. He stares a little bit longer at a face he has only snuck secret glances at and memorized from hated desktop portraits.

"Now is his chance," he thinks, as he bends low to embrace (and maybe never let go) of his son -with-two-fathers. The infant is almost too happy to be picked up and Sephiroth flashes a memory of butterfly kisses on a rotund belly. The moment is ruined when powerful arms snatch Kadaj up and Sephiroth looks hatefully up into possessive blue.

"Sorry 'bout that Seph," the man says in a friendly tone laced with hostility.

Zack adjusts his son a little farther away.

"I know you don't like J project children near you."

Sephiroth swears he is doing things on purpose. Zack switches to Kadaj with a softened gaze and Sephiroth has never felt jealously like this. When Zack turns around, Sephiroth's eyes meet his kinda-son. The boy waves good-bye as his father walks into the distance, farther away from Sephiroth's dreams. Belatedly, Sephiroth realizes his hands are bleeding. The boy had had Zack's smile, Aerith's face, but his playfulness had reeked of Sephiroth's own lost innocence. That night Sephiroth builds a shrine to his not-quite-son and dreams nightmares of fatherhood that leave him empty-hearted and cradling air. That night, the voices sing to him.


	4. Second Guessing

I do not own Any of the characters, Square Enix does.

* * *

Watcher : Thanks for the review. It was good to know that people are enjoying the story.

* * *

Kadaj is the picture of innocence, jumping excitedly against his crib bars. He bounces happily for a few seconds before letting his pacifier drop and turning to squeals. Zack, never one to suppress excitement, crouches down and swings Kadaj up high.

"Why can't he stay a baby forever?"

Aerith is not surprised to hear it uttered from Zack's mouth. She spends most of her time in the labs, but the thought of Kadaj growing up quickly still makes her eyes wet. Next week will mark the first day of Kadaj's switch to daycare and Aerith feels a bit apprehensive. It was a request from Hojo, the next stage in the J project, and she could never turn her mentor down. She does not tell Zack this, he always agrees with what his wife thinks is best. His trust is suffocating.

"You ready to see Uncle 'Geal and 'Gen, buddy?"

The pair laugh to together when Zack makes an uncalled for comment about Kadaj's periodic table pajamas (a gift from Hojo). As Zack baby talks in between timed throws, Aerith contemplates the other man that is not in Kadaj's life.

He does not look at her anymore, not like how he used to. Sephiroth merely asks for pictures of Kadaj, and once given, she is but dust in the wind. Did she make a mistake? Hadn't Sephiroth been a willing participant? Has she somehow _hurt_ him?

She had been so sure in the beginning. But now…Kadaj was suppose to be an olive branch - _now he is like a lifeline_. An apology for marrying Zack when she knew just how lonely Sephiroth is._was._is. He should be happy. Instead, Sephiroth has distanced himself further from her. If it were not for the picture requests, Aerith might be pressed to say that he _hates_ her, and she cannot live with that thought. She just can't.

"Aerith, aren't you gonna get ready?" Zack calls from the nursery and Kadaj have long been dressed.

Aerith silently resolves to ask Angeal and Genesis later. Maybe, even Hojo if things continue to worsen. Zack sets Kadaj down and she watches as the boy hastily and unsteadily makes his way towards her. She smiles thinly at her son and picks him up.

"Mama," Kadaj warbles baby sweet and Aerith remembers the same sweetness radiating off Sephiroth during their dark days.

The sight of it on her son's face makes her grim and she wishes that Sephiroth would_ look _at her again. Look at her like he had when there was only the two of them. She pushes her gloomy thoughts aside. Today is one their rare family outings, she puts on a fake face, and pretends to be the perfect wife.

* * *

Angeal and Genesis are quite the pair. At least, they are honest, Aerith thinks with trepidation. Zack's welcome is hearty as he envelopes his mentor in a bear hug. Kadaj's welcome is heartier as a blur of red whisks him away with mutters of "classic fashion" and "terrible clothes." Aerith stands in the background waiting until they notice her. It gives her time to ponder on the rumors about the couple's supposed relationship.

"What's wrong?" The tone is gruff but Genesis' hold on Kadaj is soft.

Aerith gasps in surprise and instead looks at the newly changed boy. She had not expected things to be asked so directly, her lips tremble. Keeping her gaze steadily on Kadaj, she asks the question that has plagued her for nearly 2 years.

"Did I do the right thing?"

Genesis is surprised, a rare expression on his face. He considers the baby weight and the baby softness carefully held within his arms. He wonders if Sephiroth has had the pleasure of these sensations. Better yet, has he _allowed_ himself the pleasure? Sephiroth, for all his humanity, barely understands humans. Aerith, for all of her compassion, is often terribly cruel. The answer he gives is carefully considered, which is not a surprise since it has been resting on his tongue for ages.

"Has he seen him? In the flesh?"

Aerith's look of shock and then shame makes the redhead purse his lips.

"No," she whispers and her shoulders shake a little.

Immediately and gently, the red haired man guides her into a more private room. He cannot risk Zack's ire.

* * *

Once the door is closed, Genesis looks Aerith in the eye and carefully hands her her child.

"Kadaj is his son. Why have you waited?"

His words are cruel but they are truth. Aerith cannot find the answers no matter how deeply she looks. The auburn-haired man's eyes fill with fire.

"Why haven't you taken him yet? Kadaj is his son too, Aerith! You know how he is. How-."

"I can't," she whispers. Childishly, she curls up into herself and Genesis marvels at how such a wretched woman could have the "Silver General" at her feet. "I think… I made a mistake, Genesis."

The 1st Class is angry now, miffed at her reticent stubbornness and _the probably unintended slight to his mock-nephew_.

"Do you know what I think?" Genesis scolds.

Aerith does not respond.

"I think you've been making mistakes for a long, long time, Aerith. Maybe it started when you took Jenova into your body, or when you decided to side with Hojo, or perhaps it was marrying Zack when you still feel for Seph. I think you have made many mistakes, Aerith Fair, but Kadaj Sora Fair is not one of them. Take Kadaj to Sephiroth. Let the man see his child, you've played enough games with his heart as it is. Do not make his son a pawn as well."

Aerith's eyes glow an acid green, a color that does not belong to , Genesis remembers those days in the lab. Days when a slip of a girl used to grin gapped-tooth, despite, a skin full of needles. A little boy used to cling to her hand, his hair the color of silver. Suddenly, Aerith is screaming. She is sobbing and moaning. Genesis is very glad his walls are sound proof. Kadaj whimpers in sympathy before he is enveloped in Genesis' calm.

The redhead takes the gentlest tone he can muster; flashbacks like this are deep and dark. Eventually, Aerith quiets down and he has to strain to hear her ramblings. He tries a different approach.

"What are you afraid of, Aerith?"

She seals her lips tight and Genesis gently scolds and cajoles her throughout the day.

* * *

Emerald whispers fill Aerith's ear; green words murmur her decision. She will bring Him his son.


	5. Nibelheim

I don't own FFVII, SquareEnix does.

* * *

Nibelheim .Nibelheim. Nothing good ever happens here. He wishes he could just burn it down.

Down, down, down into the ground…

* * *

"I never said you couldn't see him."

"You never said I could."

"You know the answer to that one yourself, Sephiroth." she teases, her lips a pink sweet lie.

Sephiroth does not know whether to believe her. He sneaks another glance through silver lashes. How is it that he cannot protect his heart from this girl?

"He'll be one soon so I guess it's only right," she muses.

Sephiroth spares a moment of confusion then relief. She _does not know. _Zack did not tell her, he never said a word about the incident in the hallway. Perhaps, it was for the best. He does not want her to know of his moment of weakness, does not want her to know how much he wants this. It is true they both played their cards on that day but Sephiroth came out the loser and he has never been a good sport.

"Do you want to see him?" she whispers, her look and tone hopeful.

Sephiroth swallows a thickness of emotions, pushes the answer through the sludge- the pride, the guilt, and the _hope_.

"Yes," and it resounds throughout the room almost as clearly as it did on that _day_. Aerith smiles at the affirmation and Sephiroth recollects sepia days when her manipulations were much more innocent.

She turns around for a second; arms behind her back, fingers clasped, and Sephiroth thinks of teenaged kisses. The sun glinting off her titian hair, Aerith is both beautiful and heartbreaking.

"You're going on this year's Nibelheim expedition, right?" she asks without turning around. He briefly recounts a debriefing earlier in the morning and murmurs yes.

"Good," Aerith quips as she skips close. "The botany department will be going as well. You can see him when you are off duty."

Suddenly mute, Sephiroth nods his head in agreement. And then, she is gone just as suddenly as she came, leaving Sephiroth to weep (_inside_) at how easily everything has been arranged. He counts to three, clears his schedule for the day, and proceeds to visit every toyshop he can find.

* * *

The sun is shining when Shinra arrives in Nibelheim for its annual trip. You can actually see grass but then again, it is late spring. Shinra Mansion stands out against the idyllic scenery and a small shiver runs through Sephiroth as hateful childhood memories sweep forth. Those were the days when all he had was Aerith. And those days are precious but he does not wish to return to them. That which is lost cannot be regained.

They will meet at night in the twilight hours of the day. Most of the staff and crew will be out rabblerousing and there will be more privacy. To be honest, Sephiroth does not really know why there is even a need for secrecy. It is not as if Kadaj is unknown. In fact, thanks to Zack, Kadaj is perhaps too well known. Few, however, know how deeply Sephiroth is entangled and he wants to keep it that way. Stay far away where it cannot be dissected or inspected. Unwilling to lose another treasure to his heart, a part of him has always suggested that Zack should be left to raise the boy alone.

This thought might have worked on the old Sephiroth, the one who had torn men asunder and won the war in Wutai. This same thought does nothing for the new Sephiroth, who had come home a hero only to find his damsel married off to a man he had once called friend. He is even more powerless to this new "treasure," wanting it ever closer to himself. Even though its potential for devastation is great, he cannot fight his blossoming desire for fatherhood. That is why he willing to play the game again, anything to see his _boy_.

It is silly but he has even brought Kadaj a toy. Always a stickler for quality, it is a little stuffed wolf made of the finest materials. Its name is Souba and Sephiroth has to go through extraordinary lengths to keep a foolish grin off of his face. He even dares to daydream that one day; he will be able to share with Kadaj the way of the sword. There have even been days when he has considered casting aside his antisocial shell if it means getting closer to this alone, Sephiroth will make peace with Zack and grovel with Aerith.

Sephiroth's musings are cut short when the scent of blood and pain filter through his senses. When realization hits him, he is filled thick with terror and anger. It is the scent of Kadaj, his moonlit little boy.

* * *

In a burst of black smoke, he is at the site, the boy's genetics an easy trace.

The scene that greets him occurs in slow motion. Red blood is pouring out of Kadaj, sludging along like molasses and another putrid scent that smells of something alien and yet of himself creeps out as well. The slowest scene of all is a slumped over Aerith.

Slowly, she opens her eyes and acid green crawls up at a snail's pace until it meets his own, then it becomes peals of insanity as she slides across the floor. Blood is everywhere and even Sephiroth, baptized and bathed in blood a thousand times over, is nauseous. He barely gives a look to the abomination behind Aerith, dully noting an inscription titled, "Jenova," before he moves into action.

Even though he hates the man, Sephiroth is grateful that Hojo forced him to master magic all those years ago. His thoughts flicker to what he could teach his own child but he forces the useless feelings from his head: for there will be no child if he does not act quickly. He casts a Cure 3 with a prayer upon his lips. It does not heal everything but at least the boy is breathing. He will need a hospital soon.

"Aerith," and he can barely stand to look at her, barely contain the rage inside his chest, "what did you do?"

The question seems to snap her out of her trance. Acid recedes back into emerald and Aerith is stunned before she bursts into sobs and reaches for her son. Sephiroth intercepts her, cradling the toddler closer. A feeling he has waited so long for, marred by this moment.

"I don't know," Aerith pleads and reaches again.

Sephiroth notes that there is no blood on her hands but he does not let Kadaj go. He grips the child a little closer and he knocks her away.

"I have to get him to a hospital, Aerith."

Aerith continues to reach.

Trying again, he whispers low and desperate, "What did you do, Aerith?"

Confused and frightened emerald turn towards him but all she keeps uttering is "I don't know."

Sephiroth sighs, breathing in the baby scent with undertones of blood. He sighs very deeply, and finds th at he doubts her.


	6. Warning

I don't own FFVII, SquareEnix does.

* * *

Four doctors and perhaps a nurse are restraining Zack when he kicks the door of Room 109 in. His eyes take in the room's occupants and his heart clenches at the sight of his baby boy.

"The bed is much too big," is his first thought, "and the little boy in it is much too small to fit."

Numbly, he closes in towards the bed. He processes I.V.s in a tiny arm, monitors on a tiny chest, and a breathing tube stuck down a little throat. Zack's breath hitches and the tears are not silent. When he sees Sephiroth's graceful hand, holding a miniature version of his own, his eyes flash red.

The SOLDIER is strong but he does not fight Zack's attack. He understands the rage of a grieving father all too well. Secretly, Sephiroth blames himself too. The attack lasts seconds before Sephiroth regains himself and Zack ends up on the floor.

"Do you want us to get kicked out?" Sephiroth hisses, livid at the thought of being separated from a son he does not really know.

The General snatches up his subordinate's arm and drags him from the room. Pushed up against a wall, the moment is intense; Zack looks into Sephiroth's eyes and sees a perfect reflection of his own pain.

"I'm sorry," Sephiroth whispers deadly quiet and suddenly Zack understands the seriousness of the man, understands the seriousness of everything.

There is no fear of his son being stolen away; there is only a silent exchange between two fathers as years of mistrust and hate fall away. For a moment, they are comrades again sharing a heartbreaking experience.

Zack is the first to speak, furious and curious over the events that have led to such disastrous results.

"What happened? What the fuck happened, Seph? What did you do to my son?" he croaks angry and soft.

Sephiroth looks past him as he answers and Zack realizes Sephiroth is recalling a scene he cannot see, one that he would never be able to handle seeing.

"So much blood, there was so much blood, Zack." Sephiroth murmurs, his eyes still distant.

They clear and when Sephiroth speaks again, his voice is pained.

"Aerith was the only one there. Kadaj, he was bleeding so much. She said she didn't know what happened and I believe her but…," Sephiroth continues, "…please watch her. For Kadaj's sake, watch her, Zachary, because I don't know her anymore."

It takes Zack a second to register what Sephiroth is saying; the importance of it. When he does, his mind immediately rejects it.

Zack swallows hard and barely chokes out, "What are you saying?"

The aggrieved look Sephiroth returns says it all and Zack's insides grip with ice.

"What are you trying to suggest, Seph? That my wife tried to kill my son? Murder our boy?" Zack's fury is building, anything, anything at all, to push away the seeds of doubt coiling in heart.

Sephiroth looks down for a moment and when he looks at Zack again, there is more emotion on his face than Zack has ever seen in the 10 years since he has known him. Zack immediately knows that this is the face only shown to Aerith, only known to Aerith, and instantly, he is even more afraid of the creeping truth. Sephiroth's voice is low and hushed but it is painful truth.

"She was the only one in the room, Zack."

Hospital walls hold Zack up as his world crumbles down. Sephiroth is not one for lying but Zack just cannot believe the warning. His wife, his dear wife, and his son - the son they had worked so hard to create. This has to be a bad dream. Zack stumbles a look into Kadaj's hospital room and sees Aerith tenderly caring for the unconscious boy. The sight reassures him but cannot cure the lingering doubt. If he can, he wants to live this lie just a bit longer. His face crumbles in the oppression of his mind whispers that it could have been a casket instead of a hospital bed; he did not think there would ever be a time when he hated his wife.

A hand settles on his shoulder and Zack is startled that Sephiroth has initiated contact.

"This is just a warning. I did not tell the authorities... I could not make that call. It is up to you,Zack. I just do not want to see him hurt again. If I have to, I will take him away," and with that Sephiroth takes a step back and turns away to leave.

"Wait" Zack calls out and it surprises them both. "Aren't you going to stay?"

The question lingers heavily in the air. Sephiroth looks uneasy as he turns around, an alien expression on the usually composed face.

"You are here now; I would not want to trespass. It was wrong of me to secretly visit him in the first place. Perhaps, if I had restrained myself, he'd still be safe."

Suddenly things fall into place and Zack understands a little more of the Sephiroth puzzle.

"You're his father too," Zack replies a bit too lightly for the situation.

Sephiroth answers, his tone bittersweet, "I am merely the man who coveted another man's treasure and sought to make it my own."

Zack immediately gets the double-sided barb and takes the chance to snark back. "I suppose that would make two of us then."

Sephiroth barely graces him with a nod and lowly murmurs, "Yes, I suppose," before turning to leave once again.

Zack knows that now is the time, the time to fix things that have become so broken. Throughout all the years and hostilities, he has never truly wanted to hurt Sephiroth. The man was once his friend.

He builds up his resolve, squashes down the whispers that have led to this situation. If Aerith is a danger then he will need an ally for he has never been strong against her. He will no longer be afraid of his son being stolen away, not by this man driven so low, that he apologizes for seeing his own child.

"Hey, Seph," Zack calls and waits for the man to turn around, "when you've got free time, drop by. I'm sure the little squirt would be happy to see you. Besides, I owe you one for being there…For being there for him. It's what any father'd do."

The Silver General merely tips his head in agreement but Zack feels proud of the expression he has put on Sephiroth's face. A face that once upon a time only Aerith would have seen; Zack is glad he put it there.


	7. A Sense of False Security

I do not own FFVII, Square Enix does.

* * *

Suchan. Thank you for the lovely comment. I cannot promise the relationship between Zack and Sephiroth will improve or even continue. Things will become more complicated in the future and many of the story's relationships will be put to the test.

* * *

Two weeks later, Zack and Aerith take their son home but things are never the same. Sephiroth for one is now in the picture and there are trying days when Zack almost wishes the man would go back to skulking in the dark. The visits are never long but the image of Sephiroth speaking "baby talk" is too much for even Zack to bear. There are more tolerable days when Sephiroth makes an amusing face that reminds Zack of his cadet days. On those days, he truly wishes he had his friend back; wishes he had him back, so he could give him strength.

Things with Aerith are not so amusing. The doubt eats him alive, forces him to sleep on the couch, far and away from his suspicions. He sleeps dreams that beg him to strangle the truth out of her and cannot kiss her good bye when he wakes. The feelings are shaming and he fights them with all he has. There are days when he thinks even if she were to tell the truth, maybe, he would still love her. For what is love, if not forgiveness? However, there can be no forgiveness if Kadaj is harmed again. He will make sure of that. Sephiroth will make sure of that.

Aerith, for her part, is lying low. She spends more time at the labs than ever before and rarely sees the rest of the household. Is it atonement for sins committed? Zack does not know but he wishes things could go back. When Aerith increases her hours and disappears for days on end, Zack silently volunteers to spend the recovery time with Kadaj. At least then, he thinks, one parent can claim that they loved the child more than their job. Zack rocks his wounded little bird to sleep at night and wonders when he stopped knowing his wife.

There are things he knows and things he understands, things he should do but cannot bear. He needs help and he cannot ask Sephiroth. They are both too in love with Aerith, so Zack asks Angeal. Angeal is honor personified so perhaps he will know what to do.

* * *

Sephiroth is playing with Kadaj when Angeal arrives. Zack is torn between punching Sephiroth in the face for the perfect picture he makes with his son and wanting to join the fun. Instead, Zack takes a deep breath and opens the door for his mentor.

"How is he?" Angeal questions intently.

Always the serious one but Zack suspects the intensity is really from Genesis who has been on a mission throughout the entire affair.

Zack shrugs and does not think too deeply.

"He is getting better," and Zack cracks his first true grin in weeks, "but the boy's a Fair through and through."

Zack's grin grows fonder as a peal of Kadaj's laughter floats through the air.

"Yesterday, he yowled and yowled when I tried to play a "quiet" game. He sounded just like Gen when the guy doesn't get his way. I had to turn all the pots and pans into a drum kit for him to finally stop screaming."

"So no "quiet" time, I take it?" Angeal answers, clearly amused.

"No "quiet" time at all," responds Zack with an equally infectious smile.

They are stalling but it feels good. Maybe, just maybe, they do not have to break this moment. Zack is a man full of hope and ideals; he has never been much good at facing cold reality. Angeal cuts his hopes short with his next sentence.

"You wanted to talk?"

Unable to escape the inevitable, Zack draws Angeal into a spare room.

* * *

Wringing his hands, Zack does not know how to proceed. Zack's uncertainty lingers until it is palpable in the air.

"Zack?"

Angeal's tone is gentle, too gentle.

"You wanted to talk to me right?"

Cornered, Zack nods mutely and feels like a freshman cadet too afraid to ask a beginner's question. How do you ask someone how to go about destroying your life? He licks his lips, finding courage when he has none, and asks Angeal the devastating question.

"Angeal, what should I do?"

Angeal takes in the young man before him, a man he could very well call his son. He takes in the slumped shoulders, the defeated expression, the look of a man drawn haggard and thin. He looks at the boy he has damn near raised and finds himself almost unable to respond.

"What do you _think_ you should do?" he carefully responds.

Zack closes his eyes and a tear slips through.

"I don't know," he whispers and Angeal sees the truth of it on his haunted brow. "I don't know what to believe or what to do anymore, 'Geal."

Zack hesitantly picks of a picture frame. It is a shot of him and Aerith on their wedding day; a time when things were clear and he did not think karma would ever come to bite him on the ass.

"There are times when I think about hurting her, doing ugly things to her just at the thought of what she could have done," he breathes, feeling every bit the monster.

"I love her, Angeal, but Kadaj is my son. If she …,"and he trails off because he cannot complete the sentence, he cannot complete the idea of her hurting something so precious to him.

"Zack."

Angeal's tone is neutral as he rests a hand upon his mentee's shoulder.

"A man's first duty is to his family"; he begins, "First to his children for they are his future, then to his wife for she is his heart, and last to himself for he is nothing without the first two."

The weight on Zack's shoulder grows heavier as Angeal continues.

"I can say this to you, but in the end, I am not a father. I cannot understand the darkness of a parent's heart. In the end, Zack, it is you who must decide. Be you a man who follows his duty or a man who follows his heart, it all ends with you."

Zack shakes inside but somehow finds his resolve. A man is nothing without his "heart," right? Zack has never been anything without Aerith. With her by his side, he can do anything. Without her, he is not so sure. For this reason, things cannot end this way, not when there were things unseen and uncertainties lingering. He will not crush this fire or destroy his family when he lacks conviction. He will do what his heart feels is right and he prays that it will be the correct choice.

Zack looks steadily into Angeal's eyes and says what his heart has been screaming for two weeks.

"Angeal, I think….I think I want to give her another chance."

As soon as the words leave his mouth, he can feel the dark thoughts lifting from his mind. The doubt still remains and coils deeply in his gut. He can live with this, he must live with it because no matter what his naïve self wants to believe, things did happen. He will be more on guard now, more watchful and careful from now on, but he will also try to bring his family back.

As a kid he had never had a proper one and call him selfish, but he does not want to destroy the one that took him so long to create. Aerith was a prize stolen from the most jealous of dragons and Zack will be damned if he does not give her one more chance.

"I'll talk to Aerith. Find out what happened. I don't what to end things this way when I don't know what happened. Don't want to end things without knowing the truth. You know how much she means to me."

Angeal merely nods at Zack's confession, unsurprised but disappointed. The boy's head is still too full of dreams. Angeal had thought he spelled out things clearly for Zack but it appears that the boy is unwilling to listen. Angeal's instincts cry that he should force Zack onto the right path but the boy is not a boy but a man. There will be no point if he forces things, in the end, Zack will hate him, possibly ostracize him, and the issue might never resolve. Kadaj might end up completely unprotected. At least, now, Sephiroth is in the picture. Although, Angeal is upset that Sephiroth also seems blinded by his love for Aerith; Sephiroth will, without a doubt, ensure the child's safety. Genesis will be angry with Angeal, but eventually, his lover will come to see the wisdom of this decision. They will need to be there if things go wrong and they cannot do that if they are pushed away. Angeal musters a look of reassurance and spits out words that taste like bile.

"If you need anything, please let us know."

Zack's look of relief is honest and to Angeal a little sickening. He suddenly feels as though he has not raised this boy properly at all. He gathers himself up and resolves to visit as much as he can. While he will not act overtly, he will most definitely observe.

Zack, as he says good-bye to Angeal, is oddly perturbed and relieved by how his talk went. On one hand he feels glad that his mentor is okay with keeping Aerith by his side. On the other hand, his stomach still coils with reservations and a slight twinging of guilt.

* * *

When Zack looks in on Sephiroth, he finds Kadaj fast asleep in the man's arms. Kadaj looks unbearably comfortably and Zack squashes down his childish jealously. Sephiroth does not look up at him, already sensing Zack's approach. Instead, he gazes down at the baby face and lightly traces a plump little cheek. The little face turns and snuggles deeply into the caress. After long painful seconds, Sephiroth spares Zack a glance, his eyes hard and soft at the same time.

"I heard what you said to Angeal."

There is however, not bite to his voice. Zack does not say anything.

"What you want to do is both dangerous and foolish. Kadaj's safety should always come first."

Sephiroth's eyes darken but his tone seems resigned.

"But alas, I too can understand your wish for there are times when I too wished I did not love her so well."

After this, things are silent. The pair watches the child sleep and pray that one day they will gather the strength needed to protect the boy properly.


	8. Anxiety

I don't own FFVII, Square Enix does.

* * *

Zack never does talk to Aerith about the _incident_. Instead, he chooses a silent forgiveness over a verbal one. This way, things can fade to dust and he will never have to learn of the ugliness of his wife. Aerith wakes up one morning to find his arms around her, and even more silently thanks him back. They do not talk about what happened, but that morning, they eat breakfast together for the first time in weeks.

* * *

When Kadaj's wails pierce the breakfast calm and Aerith volunteers to get him. She tries not to note that Zack warily follows behind her, he has forgiven her but not forgotten.

Kadaj looks near inconsolable with his pacifier in the corner and Souba dashed to the side. The boy is mumbling aggrieved nothings and his arms are angrily outstretched towards his mother. Aerith hesitates and Kadaj becomes more insistent, going as far as to try to climb out of his crib. She catches him before he can even get a leg up and holds him close.

A part of her tears inside; groans melancholy and deep. Her baby, her baby boy, crying out for her; how could she have left him alone for so long? The nagging guilt that had kept her at the labs is nothing compared to what pulses through her now. She had thought, no, she had _feared_ Kadaj would be afraid of her. That the things she had been accused of would be true and she would be guilty, guilty, guilty as sin. But, here he is snuggling up against her, rubbing baby soft cheeks into her worn college shirt, like nothing had ever happened. Oh, how her baby boy trusts her!

She wants to drop from the grief of that statement. Let him go and curl up into herself. Curl up into that ugliness and festering; soak in that rot that has been there since she was a child. She wants to sit and pick at it until it is no more, until she knows herself again. Was it the other "her' that did something to Kadaj? The her that whispers nasty things and shines out acid green. She does not want to think about it. Instead, she wants to sit down with Kadaj and play for hours and hours and hours. Make up a fairytale world where monsters do not exist and Hojo's former test subjects never hurt. She wants to be a regular mother who is not afraid of herself or what she may become. Her ambitions have always had a high price but please don't let it be her son.

There are things she knows, things she does, and things she understands are wrong. She looks at Kadaj and wants to tell all of her secrets to Zack. Unfortunately, she cannot. He is not enough; he was never enough, though Aerith wishes he was. His kind heart cannot understand the darkness of this world and that monsters are everywhere, possibly, even in his own home. No, he cannot see. Does not want to see the dark things that lurk in front of him. That is why she needs Sephiroth, though she throws him away time and time again.

Sephiroth understands and lives in a world of darkness. Baptized in the experiments of a soulless ghoul, he understands that the world may only be suffering and people can be filled with rot. Aerith had thought that she could change that, bring things into the light with Kadaj. As she looks at the healing red of Kadaj's scar; she wonders how she have ever of been so stupid to think a shadow could escape the night? Now, all she has done is potentially add another victim to the cycle. She sinks to the floor and sobs holding Kadaj close.

Zack takes in the situation ready to jump in should things go awry. He allows Aerith to sob over their child; he takes it as an unspoken confession. He will stand witness and be forgiveness, because even with this moment, he loves her so. He too lowers himself down to her level and puts his arms around his family, let them all be absolved of sin and weep together for absolution.

* * *

The previously forgotten breakfast tastes like bitterness but Kadaj does not seem to notice. He waddles around the two of his parents trying to dish out his portion of food.

"Kadaj," Aerith gently scolds as the boy returns for the third time with pancake hanging from his fork. "Silly boy, you shouldn't play with your food".

She takes no action, settling for being amused at Kadaj's appearance.

"No?" Kadaj questions, his baby locks tilted to one side along with his head.

The loosely fitted puppy themed hoodie does nothing to quell the cuteness. It almost overrides the unsightly bandage that threads around the boy's chest. Aerith holds out her hand to grasp the boy but he quickly turns to his more willing accomplice. Wasting no time, Kadaj holds his fork up to Zack.

"Dada, 'ankik?" he questions and who is Zack to deny his son anything?

Swooping down, he gently puts the boy on his lap and proceeds to eat the offered goods. He gags a bit when he realizes Souba's fur has flavored the morsel but he does not want to spoil the moment. He settles for funny faces and he laughs when Kadaj tries to mimic them back.

Aerith watches from the other end. This scene is perfect in her eyes and she wonders if Zack really understands how much of Kadaj is really his. She giggles into the back of her hand at the thought that only a son of Zack would ever find a funny face war something serious. For a second, she sees Kadaj with brown hair and beautiful blue eyes but the scene clears and things are still perfect. Aerith wants to bask in this, wishes that these moments were the only moments. If only she could freeze time, she sadly thinks .She looks at the pair and suddenly feels a sense of foreboding. How long will these perfect days last, how long before the lurking monsters start to come out? She looks upon the pair again and prays dearly to herself that she will not be the one that hurts them.


	9. Bitter

I don't own FF VII or Kingdom Hearts. Square Enix does.

* * *

_"My friend, the fates are cruel."_

Sephiroth tries not to remember his friend's words as Lazard raps off a list of reasons why he cannot have custody of Kadaj. He is currently on his fifth reason, Sephiroth stopped listening once he heard the word "no".

Slowly, he brings a hand to his face, he is shaking inside. Whether it is from rage or sorrow, he does not know. Of course he would never be allowed to have Kadaj; this life has never allowed him a single happiness. Why start now? But he will not give up, he will do anything, anything at all. He lets out a slow breath and steadies himself for the truths he is about to tell.

"She hurts him, Lazard."

Sephiroth needs him to understand the words not said. He cannot meet Lazard's eyes as he chokes on promises broken to Zack.

"She has been hurting him for a long time and I just want to take him away."

Moonlit lashes flutter as Sephiroth swallows thick. Lazard finds himself becoming sick as the General's mask slips further and further.

"The preschool he goes to has not reported anything unusual. Neither have any of the medical units…"

The sound of leather gloves tightening stops Lazard from going further.

"Those are lies and you know it."

Though the voice is calm, the eyes are not. They are reminders of Sephiroth's dangerous past. Lazard proceeds with much caution and no bravery.

"Sephiroth, I know you asked me to watch over him as a favor to you …but there are some things that even I cannot do".

Papers fly as Sephiroth's admirable control cracks. The gravity of the situation reveals itself to Lazard and he wonders if he can rise to meet the challenge.

"He is **my** son , Lazard!"

"He is _**not**_, Sephiroth! He is 2nd class SOLDIER Zachary Fair's son Or did you forget? He is a J-child. You can lay no more claim to him than you can lay claim on the dozens of other children that bear your cells!" Lazard screams back

"As a First , any children you have become the immediate property of Shinra. Do you remember what I told you all those years ago? All those years ago, when you were moony eyed over Aerith? To have a child is to sacrifice them to a life of Shinra and labs. Do you want that for him? Do you really want that for Kadaj?"

By now, both men are panting and tensions are running high.

"No ," Sephiroth whispers and with the entirety of his being, he means it.

His anger falls away as he considers his limitations. No, he does not want his child to be a victim of Shinra, a ward of the labs. And yes, he does remember why he had broken Aerith's heart all those long years ago. He could not, he would not bring a child into the world he was born into. His own childhood…he shudders to think of it. He laughs mirthlessly to himself and straightens Lazard's papers. Of course, the other man is right and how foolish Sephiroth feels for allowing this moment of small weakness.

"Forgive me," he grunts, the ice mask fully in place.

With roles in the right order, both men ease uncomfortably back into their chairs.

"It's for the best," Lazard consoles as Sephiroth stares past him. "Zack as a Second is not beheld to the same rules as yourself and it is safe to say he will never become a First. Even as a J project child, your cells were a civilian gift from Hojo so Shinra can lay no claim to him. Honestly, it **is** for the best, Sephiroth. Eventually, he will grow stronger and she will not be able to hurt him any more. For the here and now, be content to just be by his side. "

* * *

"Be by his side," Sephiroth thinks as he bitterly leaves Lazard's office.

Has that not been the problem his entire adult life? He has always sat by the sidelines and it has brought no happiness.

"His son," Sephiroth thinks and his eyes stray back to Lazard; his pupils dilate. How unfair of Lazard to say that to him when he has the full privilege of his own son and ignores it. How can Lazard say something like that so coldly when he has his own little dirty secrets to hide?

Yes, that's right , a little blond bastard conceived during one of Shinra's Nibelheim expeditions. A sickly little thing, it had been one of the first J project children. When it showed no physical changes, Shinra had deemed it a failure and moved onto to IVF. As the child still lives with its mother, a naïve farm girl who had given the boy a ridiculous name, it remains in Nibelheim. However, the rumor mill has it, that the boy wants to be a Soldier.

As the leader of SOLDIER, Sephiroth would surely one day see him. Sephiroth smirks to himself at the thought of their meeting. He wonders who will be the wayside then, when that day comes. As they say, Karma is always a bitch.

For now, Sephiorth will content himself with one small revenge. Before gently closing the door shut, he lets a false pleasantness drift through his voice.

"Thank you for the trouble, Lazard. Oh, and please give Cloud my greetings."

He does not wait for Lazard to angrily storm up and slam the door in his face. The Director understands his meaning perfectly well and Sephiroth chuckles darkly to himself down the halls.


	10. Confrontation

I do not own FFVII or any of its characters. SquareEnix does.

* * *

Genesis Rhapsodos, the greatly feared Red General, is completely at the mercy of a recently minted 2 yr old. Kadaj, on holiday from daycare, has been staying home with a very complacent Zack. However, duty called and the man was forced to leave his beloved child in another's care. Aerith, though she is the boy's mother is out of the question, not only because of the questionable events that occurred nearly a year ago but also by the fact that her attendance was required at a science conference. The quiet bruises on Kadaj's body rule her out even more. Usually, that would leave the stoically eager Sephiroth to play babysitter but alas, he too was called out on duty. That left Angeal as the only reliable caretaker and since Genesis lived with the man that included him as well.

Secretly, Genesis was thrilled. That was in the beginning though. In the beginning before Kadaj ran away from bath times, before Kadaj decided that eating vegetables was tantamount to physical torture and used his lungs to show as much, that was also before Kadaj thought a very prized copy of Loveless was a coloring book. Granted the boy did seem to adore hearing Loveless and, well, Genesis was never one to begrudge a fellow fan but in the beginning, Genesis had been very thrilled. Now, he was simply tired; very,very, tired. In fact, a nap sounded good right about now. Kadaj was already snuggled up to his chest so maybe he could just close his eyes for a bit.

* * *

Angeal is standing in front of him when he wakes, a gentle and readable expression on his face. Genesis knows that expression well because he shares it equally with his lover.

"How did today go?" questions the burly man while combing his fingers through auburn locks.

Genesis' tired glare is enough to give Angeal a hearty chuckle.

"He ran away when I tried to put his scar ointment on and met a hasty end at the cruelty of the living room wall. So, after 30 minutes of inconsolable tears, we settled down to a reading of _Loveless_ and a bribe of pudding and that's where you find us now."

"Do you want me to take him?" Angeal asks but he is already reaching for the child, picking him up as if he were made of glass.

"That'd be great." Genesis stretches and watches Angeal handle the boy with careful gentleness.

Angeal hums a low tune, a Banoran lullaby, as he rocks the child side to side. It makes Genesis wish for things he cannot have and will probably never have. Makes him wish he could steal away the silver babe in Angeal's arms and keep him safe from the monster-mother that would hurt him. A moment of red fury flashes through his veins at Angeal's stance on the matter and he quells it with productivity.

"Shall I make dinner?"

Angeal smiles in return.

"I wonder if it'll please his lordship here?"

Genesis smiles before gently slapping the man. "I'll be sure to put no poison in it, my good sir."

He totters off laughing, trying to extinguish his coal–ember seething for Aerith.

* * *

The dinner is a simple, easy affair. Kadaj only protests once over being fed a carrot and Genesis breathes in quiet relief. Things are over soon enough and bath time comes and goes without event. Genesis chalks it up to Angeal's sheer bulk. The man catches the running boy with such ease that Genesis is only mildly jealous. Then, it is time for bed and after a quick reading _of A Child's Book of Loveless _(much to Angeal's chagrin); Kadaj is fast asleep.

"Don't ever knock me up!" Genesis warns as he plunks face down on the bed for a well-deserved rest.

Tomorrow, the redhaired 1st has cadet training and he cannot wait to take his frustrations out on the 'new meat'. Angeal chuckles at the absurdity of his lover's comment and pulls the redhead closer.

"I'll be sure to be careful," he murmurs and the pair descends into a much-needed slumber.

* * *

It is short lived. They are awakened hours later by banshee wails. Genesis is up and out the bed faster than Angeal can register. Angeal follows close behind, praying that it is nothing serious. As he closes in on the bedroom, he can see Genesis trying to soothe Kadaj but something is off. Kadaj is rigid in Genesis' arms and Angeal is afraid of the worst.

"Is he seizing?" he asks frantically.

Genesis can barely hold on to Kadaj so he settles for the bed. Laying down the twitching, screaming boy, he takes a closer look and frets.

"He's not seizing," Genesis replies with no relief, "I think it's a night terror."

Kadaj whimpers out a terrified "Mama" and Genesis' mouth becomes a thin line.

"What should we do?" Angeal whispers, looking nothing like the heroes on TV.

"I think it would be best to soothe him out of it." Genesis begins to act upon his words by caressing cool hands over the boy's brow.

"Why don't you sing that lullaby you were singing earlier?"

Genesis pats a spot near himself. Angeal sits down and quietly the pair tries to calm the child. It takes nearly 5 hours.

* * *

By the time Kadaj's whimpers have died down, it is nearly five in the morning and Genesis is grumpily struggling into his uniform.

"Oh the cadets are gonna hate me today. Gonna wish they weren't born. If I can't take it out on the bitch that deserves it, someone's gonna have to pay," he mumbles while holding a steadily accusing glare in Angeal's direction.

Ignoring the burning, Angeal fixes a button on Genesis' uniform without speaking or permission. The other man brushes him off roughly before he can finish.

* * *

Once Genesis leaves and Kadaj is settled, Angeal begins the burden of calling Zack. Anger and apprehension curl in his chest as the phone rings once, twice, before being picked up by a sleepy voice. Angeal steels himself to make accusations and confront lies. Perhaps, Genesis is right and they should stop sitting on the sidelines.

"No more excuses," he thinks, as he grips the phone closer to his ear.

"Zack," he breathes, and the world becomes a whisper, "we need to talk."

He swallows slowly, sure, that the other man can hear every movement.

"Zack," he sighs, disappointed in so many things, "how long has Kadaj been having night terrors?"

The question hits the mark. Angeal can feel it sliding in and twisting in his mentee's gut. There is a pause, and it is too long for innocence, too long for ignorance. Angeal feels himself tense inside. Has he not told the boy repeatedly that honesty can only be an asset? He utters a single word and it demands veracity.

"Why?"

Zack stutters on the other line, excuses and nonsense. Angeal has had enough and snarls angrily into the phone.

"Enough bullshit, Zack! What are you hiding? "

The tone surprises the both of them and Angeal can imagine Zack trembling over such an uncharacteristic display of anger. Angeal hears what might be soft sobs but he will hold his ground, there are weaker people at stake here. It has always been Angeal's job to protect the weak.

"Tell me, Zack," he whispers and it is nothing but harshness."Tell me how long Kadaj's nightmares have been going on."

"Almost a year," comes the barely there reply. "They're infrequent so I never thought to mention them."

Angeal is silent for a beat.

"Is she hurting him, Zack?"

"Angeal," Zack warns, but Angeal cannot control his ire. Perhaps, Genesis' temper has rubbed off on him.

"Zack, if she is hurting him, you need to do something. You need to be a father and protect your son!"

"You don't understand, 'Geal," Zack tries to placate, but Angeal is too angry, too hurt over his own impotence.

"What I don't understand, is how the cadet I so carefully mentored has forgotten what it is to be a man. He has forgotten what it is to know and understand honor."

Angeal knows that he's gone too far and cut too deep, but he is angry. He is angry, and for once, he wants Zack to know it. There is a silence and Angeal can sense the heat in his veins, the red in his face.

"Zack," and no, his voice does not break, "please."

The quiet remains, twilight moments, stretching awkwardly in the pair's discomfort.

"I'm not there, 'Geal. I'm never there when things happen," Zack says quietly.

Zack sounds tired and defeated. He sounds so much like the 12 yr old that Angeal took under his wings so many decades ago. The boy who knew abuse like the back of his hand, and yet could not hurt a fly.

"I don't know what's going on. Sometimes, I want to ask but I'm afraid of the answer. She always explains. There's always a good reason. I don't want to think she's hurting him, not on purpose."

"The sins of the father," Angeal hisses, "he never did it on purpose either, did he, Zack?"

He knows he has crossed the line, but he wants to hurt, to hurt in order to heal. Zack is leading his son down the same path that Zack himself had once lived and Angeal wants to wake him up to that fact. He cannot allow the boy to live in his unsafe fantasy any longer. Zack needs to see the errors of his ways.

Zack's breath hitches.

"My old man, it's true, my old man was never good to me. But, I ain't like him and I am trying my best not to be. To say that I'm like him or that Aerith's like him…I don't know… Aerith, she's my wife, Angeal. She gave me my life, gave me my son. How can I just throw her away? Everyone keeps judging me, judging us. Everyone wants me to hate her, curse and spit her name."

Zack pauses. The air becomes thicker.

"Angeal, you're like family to me, but Aerith and Kadaj are all the blood I got. The blood I _**chose.**_ You've done a lot for me and I'm grateful but if push comes to shove, I'm going to put my family first."

Angeal can read between the lines and he knows what Zack is trying to say. The threat is clear but Angeal does not feel like back down. He wants to scream and shout that sometimes the right things are not always the easiest things. He wants to argue and make his former charge listen and obey his words. He wants to save Kadaj with the only means he has. Still angry, Angeal utters a warning.

"Watch out, Zack," he growls, "otherwise, you will not have any family to come home to."

Zack merely hangs up the phone, the line going dead over the tension.

* * *

Zack comes to pick Kadaj up two days later and no pleasantries are exchanged. Nothing is light and Angeal regrets his anger as the door closes. Genesis does not make Angeal explain, for he knows all too well the price of open emotion. They hear nothing for weeks and every night Angeal lays his head upon a pillow of worry and self-doubt.

When Zack finally calls them, Angeal is relieved. He is even more relieved to see Kadaj safe and well. He so relieved that he will not push, because Zack is not bluffing and the consequences of getting angry are too scary. Angeal will just have to content himself with watching because even watching is better than the ugly truth of not knowing.


	11. Concession

I don't own FFVII.

* * *

At three years of age (almost 4 thank you very much), Kadaj Sora Strife is completely in charge of his life. He knows his birthday is on January 2nd and he can hold up the right fingers too. He knows that Souba is a wolf and that two plus two equals four. He even knows that Zack is his daddy though he looks more like Uncle Seph. Kadaj knows that if he is this smart now, he'll definitely be a genius by the time he's five.

"Kadaj. You awake, kiddo?"

That's Daddy calling, it must be time for breakfast. Kadaj hastily makes his way out of his room, a worn and well-loved Souba in tow. As he nears the kitchen and smells a non-burnt breakfast, Kadaj realizes his mother is off at work. _Again_. His good day is all _ruined_. Today is Parent's Day and she won't be there. A liquid emotion, which is his and not his, wells up deep inside as he slumps into his chair grumpily and tries his hardest not to pout (cry).

Zack is busy making smiley face pancakes, but his soldier-enhanced ears let him know Kadaj is in the room. When he turns around, he catches an all too familiar expression on the boy's face. He quickly does his best to turn the situation around; Kadaj in his toddlerhood has become infamous for grand-mal tantrums.

"Hey, chin up, sprout," he says gently chucking the boy under the chin. Kadaj just turns his head and crosses his arms.

"Oy," Zack continues to cajole, "don't be like that."

Zack's words only make Kadaj put on his best pout and stomp stormily to face the wall. Zack can smell the tears before the crocodile wailing starts and he is already calculating whether ice-cream would be a good barter.

"Hey now, hey now. Come on, buddy stop all this. You wanna drown Souba in all the big ole crocodile tears?" he says gently as he scoops the wailing child up.

Settling down on the abandoned chair, he carefully rocks his little boy side to side.

"What's got you all in a tizzy? It's not even breakfast yet."

Kadaj hiccups twice before he ends the theatrics and sulks out something about a "Take your parent to school" day. Zack's eyes slide to the calendar that Kadaj often scribbles on and silently curses to himself. They have royally fucked up but somehow he will save this situation.

"You could take me," he offers but he met with an indignant screech and a "you came last time" before Kadaj angrily kicks the table. Zack abruptly taps the angry little leg and scolds Kadaj lightly. There will be none of that here. Kadaj goes back to wailing.

Five minutes and two cooling breakfasts later, Zack suddenly gets a bright idea.

"How about Uncle Seph," he whispers excitedly and Kadaj immediately quiets.

"S'not a parent," the boy huffily sniffles back.

Zack is determined to win but secretly a green part of him is thrilled by the boy's admission.

"Yeah, maybe not but you see him all the time. Plus, he's got that cool sword. That'd definitely make all the other kids jealous."

Kadaj is silent while he considers Zack's offer, eventually, a slightly optimistic "kay" makes it way out of him. Zack quickly sets the boy down with a bribe of pancakes _and _ice cream and proceeds to make an important call.

"I take it you need help with Kadaj. I've already taken leave."

The voice that answers the phone is cool and omnipotent as if it knows about Aerith's failure and therefore Zack's. He will swallow his pride because this is not about him; this is about the little boy at the kitchen table. And, Zack will be damned if he lets his boy down. No. His mother does enough of that. So he will swallow his pride, it is a small penance to pay for the grievances his selfishness has caused his son. Still, Zack grits his teeth as the words slide out.

"Seph, I need a favor."


	12. Kagome, Kagome

I don't own FFVII , Square Enix.

Forgive the format. I'm not quite sure where I was going with this piece.

* * *

"Please don't come after me."

She puts the keys by his bedside table and sobs on a wish that she can _**stay**_ away this time. Aerith pauses to press kisses to her son's door, too afraid of herself to go in. A green shadow lurks behind her as she shuts the front door. It smiles at her awkward tears.

* * *

There is green everywhere. Alien fingers often stroke along her face and whisper fallacies into her ears. Even in dead space, when she is enveloped by dreams, a fleeting undead figure lays a clammy hand upon her brow. It hides in the darkness and twinkles in the corner of her eye. She often trembles silently to herself and hums a prayer upon her lips, a hymn that goes unbroken and unheeded.

"NottodayNottodaynottoday,"

"When had it gotten so bad?" She whines upon bathroom tiles and in the ruins of office cubicles.

"It has been bad since_** his**_ birth." Her abused body and mind roar back at her.

What began as vague feelings that called her to the lab and away from her child, have blown into screeches and hisses to destroy and break her baby-boy son.

"He is a threat to all that is dear and good," her mind caresses, gliding like silk.

"The boy is a threat to all we have worked for." These are not words meant for a mother.

Like a disease upon the brain, it spreads and wraps around, bleeding into membranes and marrows. Day by day, it grows stronger and one day she will wake up not herself. To tell someone would break the illusion, the one she has so carefully constructed with Zack. In lucid moments, she researches, trying hard to find the cause of the inner presence that wants her son _**dead**_. Could it be post partum depression, schizophrenia, or stress induced psychosis? Secretly, she knows it none of these and yet all of them in a different, more solid form.

"A little while longer," the voices soothe.

"A little while longer and then you can sleep," they cajole. Aerith is afraid of her second awakening.

* * *

Every purple bruise or red scratch is a reminder, a love-bite of the darker things in her life. There are bad days when she locks herself in the closet and crushes a fist to her mouth. On good days, she smiles and plays. She is a Stepford Wife to his Model Citizen but lately she has been fooling no one.

They do not trust her and she cannot blame them. She who has hurt what is most precious to them all. Aerith knows that it is Jenova hurting Kadaj. That it is Jenova that slaps him, grabs him, or whispers a harsh word. Aerith knows it is Jenova but the others do not. They hate and blame her, Genesis especially.

Yes, she hurts Kadaj. She _**will**_ admit this to herself, if no one else. Yes, she pinches him and she scratches too. It is she and it is not she. Aerith wants to scream and yell this fact at her accusers. Even if she cannot remember what happened in Nibelheim, she cannot hide what is happening now. When she wakes up to his sobbing voice and skin beneath her nails, Aerith knows that she is the monster hiding in the dark.

She is worried for Kadaj, terrified of the self that hates him as surely as the life-stream does flow. Would she have birthed him if she had of known? But then, who really knows what is at the heart of their core? It is always something that is a minute too short or a dime too late for anyone to see.

* * *

The greedy things she did as a girl have come to haunt her as a woman. The sacrifices she made for silver light love and the needles she brought to her skin. When Hojo had approached her, she did not think twice. She had seen a forever with Sephiroth and a piece of his soul. But it wasn't Sephiroth was it? No, it was something darker and deeper than either of them. 'Jenova', everything had read, brushing the name aside, the two irreparably became one. It has been 20 hard years spent fighting the 'Calamity from the Skies'.

Aerith is tired now though and weary for her infant son. A gossamer thing in her arms, Jenova wants to snap his neck. The monster would crush his bones and tear away his breath. Somehow, he is a threat to the alien monster and it never exactly tells Aerith why.

At night, in her dreams, she shivers against the entity curled up to her in nearly erotic fashion.

"Tell me why you want to kill my son?" she sobs into fish cold breasts.

The being merely brushes ice fingertips upon her quivering lips.

"Because, he is not really of me," Jenova whispers back like a lover's kiss.

It is on a day when Aerith is thoroughly put out, that she gets a more complete response. Fingernails dug deep into a corpse grey throat, she snarls her usual question. The demon beneath her chuckles and wraps dead weight legs around her hips. It gurgles darkly and murmurs the answers across her lips.

"Because, he is ever so much more Ancient than I expected him to be."

Aerith used foundation to hide Kadaj's bruises for the next week.

* * *

She has tried leaving so many times. But in the end, Zack always brings her back. Whether it is by phone or in person, he always drags her back to what has become a living hell. He is a sheep dog guarding a hungry wolf. He does not see what he does not want to see. Aerith supposes there is such a thing as too much love. Sephiroth is no better.

There is no use in suicide, she often muses. Jenova would just take over, and she has often told Aerith this much. This Aerith cannot allow, too afraid of the consequences that her ultimate selfishness would bring. While Aerith is not privy to the she-beast's plans, the things Jenova can do to her own son make Aerith wary over what she would to strangers.

* * *

Her cell phone rings before she even makes it to the depot station. It is Zack calling her but Aerith will _**try**_ not to pick it up. She will _**try**_ not going back. She will not let the other her suffer the temptation. Weak willed, on the 30th ring, she answers.

"Aerith, where have you been?"

"Zack, I…."

"Aerith, I read the letter. You don't have to do this. We can get help…We can still be a family. Aerith…please."

She laughs bitterly. At one time, she had loved his neediness.

"No Zack, I don't think there's anyone who can help me anymore."

She pauses for a breath, ready to hang up the phone. Aerith sighs; she had wanted it to be a clean break. Then, another voice drifts across the line.

"Is it Mama?"

She hears and she could hate Zack for putting that bitty voice on the phone.

"Mama, where are you?"

Aerith listens to the warbles in Kadaj's tone and abruptly hangs up on him.

No, no, this is for Kadaj's good she pleads with herself. She is leaving to save him, leaving to keep that baby boy's breath in his chest. Like she has always done since his accident, she needs to run away. Perhaps, this time she can stay away for good. Her train leaves in 20 minutes, if she can just get on it. Fifteen days and daily phone calls later, surround by the flora of Gongaga, she caves. While Aerith cringes at her failure, she is glad that, for fifteen days, Kadaj was _**safe**_.

* * *

She has barely touched the door when it swings open from the inside. Two faces that she both dreads and loves stare expectantly at her.

"Mama, I missed you."

Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. But why her child, when his mother is better suited as the Devil.

"What happened?" Zack asks.

Incomprehension runs through his features. Unable to understand why she keeps hurting their son and more importantly, why she could just leave them all behind

She tries not to look at the bruises peeking out from Kadaj's shirt. How long did he stay from school?

"Sunscreen… He wouldn't put it on …" She begins losing track of the memory as transient in coming as it is in going.

Feelings and images escape past her as she tries to recollect the moment.

"I was so angry and we were running late…and I…I don't remember..."

Anger bubbles inside of her, anger at herself, Jenova, and Zack. Isn't she hurting enough? Hasn't she been hurt enough? Fury wells up and spills past her lips. If she must hurt, then she will hurt the one keeping her trapped.

"I don't fucking remember, Zack. I never fucking do and you always ask me this fucking question!" she screams, tired and hysterical.

Kadaj cowers away at her display of rage.

" Good," she thinks as she watches his eyes water. You should be afraid of me; I am the most dangerous thing in your life.

"You always do this…" Aerith whispers but it might as well be a scream.

Zack tries to wrap desperate arms around her waist but she is suffocating.

"Don't touch me!" She screams slamming herself into the doorframe. She is skittish and ready to bolt.

"Zack…You don't understand," she sobs and sinks to the floor.

Kadaj rushes to comfort her but is quickly snatched back by Zack. Pressing herself further away, she tears at auburn strands and keens, holding her middle as if she can physically contain her emotions.

" Leave me alone, Zack," she cries entirely distraught, her face an ugly mess of tears and misery.

"Please," she begs and leans her head to the floor, bracing against it to give her strength when all of her strength is gone.

"He doesn't deserve this. I don't deserve this… You…you're trapping us."

"I hurt him Zack. I hurt him all the time Zack. Is that what you need to hear? There are days I want to kill him too."

She is hysterical, screaming terrible things as she battles with the green shadow stuck in her throat .Zack has the good sense to drag Kadaj into his room and trap him in by means of a dining chair. His expression is stormy and for once Aerith is actually afraid of Zack. He grabs her by the arm none too gently, no love in his eyes and half drags her to their bedroom. He steps away from her abruptly and Aerith finds herself falling to the floor, unable to support the weight of her tantrum.

"Are you telling the truth?" Zack hisses, looking angry and forlorn.

"Do you want to go? Do you really want to leave Kadaj and me?"

Zack does not understand. She is trying to save her son in the only way she can. How dare he use Kadaj against her? Of course, she wants to stay. To play and sing and to attend birthday parties, holidays, and toddler soirees, but she cannot. The monster living inside her does not allow it.

"Is it better if I'm beating him?" she chuckles bitterly, swaying on her knees.

A feeling creeps into her heart and Aerith thinks it might be the first inklings of hate.

"You'd keep me here forever wouldn't you? You'd keep us all trapped to keep your "happy" family. Keep me beating on him as long as you could come home, wrap your arms around us, and call us family. You're no better than Hojo," she spits, her face ugly with wrath.

"Aerith…"

"Zack, sometimes things don't go the way we want them to. Please for his sake. I don't…don't trust myself anymore."

"Why don't you just stay away?"

"How can I leave when you keep chasing me? When you keeping haunting me with Kadaj?"

"You're my world, Aerith. I gave up so much for you."

"I gave up everything for you, Zack."

"Where would you go?"

"Anywhere that is not here."

"Aerith, be reasonable…"

"Zack, there are a lot of things you don't know about me. You'll thank me one day when you're holding Kadaj and he's safe. Safe from me and my rages; from this ugliness inside of me. How can you love me after all that I have done? How can you love me knowing what I do?"

"Aerith, I'm serious."

"I'm serious too, Zack. One day I'm going to leave and I am not going to come back. Not back to Kadaj and not back to you. One day you will understand that not all happy endings end happily."

Aerith finally lifts her gaze to hold Zack's, her eyes burn with their intensity and sincerity.

Zack's shell breaks at her promise and he gathers the shivering bundle of red and green into his arms as he rocks them back and forth.

"As long as that day isn't today," he breathes and shudders. He runs tired hands through titian hair and presses kisses to Aerith's feverish brow. "As long as it's not today..."


	13. Interlude: Sephiroth

I don't own FFVII, Square Enix does.

[!]

It has taken nearly thirty years to realize it, but when he was young, he was foolish. He had wanted love so bad back then; back when there were no kisses goodnight or whispers of affection. He had wanted love so bad back then that he truly believed in the sophomoric notion that all love was good love and that once given, it could never lead you astray.

So, when a little girl had showed up and she had promised this and hinted at more, he had given her the to key to his heart not expecting her to throw it away. Now that he is older, now that he is wiser, he can clearly see the errors of his ways. Yes, now that he is over 30 and lives in a cold and lifeless apartment, he can very clearly see the errors of his younger days. Sure, he has a son but that son is barely his. When he leaves the visits, there is a gnawing emptiness that he cannot explain.

He has brought countless toys and spent unnumbered hours entertaining that boy of his. However, somewhere deep and sinking within him, he knows that he really has nothing. There is the twinge that someday Kadaj will only call Zack 'Daddy' and he will be relegated to the status of 'Uncle'. That the little boy will no longer slip-up with the titles as he grows out of infancy.

Where had he gone wrong ,to not have these kinds of things in his life? Ah, maybe, it was when he told Aerith that he did not need these kinds of things. Back when they were wrong, back when she had begged, and he had perfectly understood what going to war and being a puppet of Shinra meant.

Sometimes, soldiers don't come home, especially, ones that go to war nearly single handedly against an entire country. He had wanted to spare her the pain of potentially being a widow and so much more, but somehow that had sealed the deal between the two of them, and she ran off to elope with Zack.

A part of Sephiroth cannot blame her. The move got her a foot out of the labs. Someone who wasn't and isn't tied to an infernal link with Hojo and science. Marrying Zack must have given a measure of freedom and lightness that she had not had when she was more formally connected to labs. Not that she still lived in the labs; they had not done that since they were very young children. Hojo had released them into the 'real' world early on, citing the benefits of true human interaction. Still, it must be uplifting to go home and kiss someone who isn't well acquainted with the stench of mako or the pinch of a long needle. Sephiroth is almost jealous, instead, he thinks on how a part of him had never liked Zack.

Yes, they had been friends at one time. A connection lightly made by Aerith and strengthened by Angeal's mentorship. He had not liked Zack when a preteen Aerith had first introduced him. He disliked him furthermore when he found out that Aerith had known the boy for much longer than she had lead on (the first secret of many secrets she was to keep). They were dating but she did not tell Sephiroth that. He found out several years later after mistakenly walking in on an intimate scene.

He had mostly done it out of fear, fear that Aerith might change and leave him in the darkness. He punched Zack in the face **hard **and Aerith had begged for Sephiroth's forgiveness in ways that made him forgive her instantly. Thinking the threat had passed, he had eventually settled into an awkward and yet comfortable friendship with the man.

In actuality, being friends with Zack was nice in a way. He was kind and he was gentle but most of all he had optimism; something that rarely exists in a lab raised child. It was infectious and Sephiroth felt himself enjoying life in a way he never had before. Pranks were played, inside jokes were made, and hands were often clenched in friendship. Sephiroth never suspected a single thing. Foolishly, he had thought things could last like that forever. He, Aerith, and Zack.

His return from Wutai was a sharp wake-up call. He had been exhausted, tired, and sick of being lonely; he had been looking forward to coming back 'home'. Hojo promptly informed him of what had occurred during his absence with a keen smirk on his face.

Sephiroth felt the world drop out from underneath him. She had promised, he had thought and whispered fervently to himself. She had promised to always be with him. True, they had never said how they would but he had figured that they would eventually iron out the details, as they got older. Suddenly, Sephiroth felt himself wishing that he had not said those things, had not tried to keep Aerith's heart safe that he should have left with the dark shadow of possible widowhood and its risks looming over her head. He did not think she would betray him, least of all, not with **him.**

His first desperate instinct had been to kill the pair, but after finding himself in front of the entrance of their newly shared _**home**__,_ Sephiroth suddenly could not bring himself to follow through. Instead, he lurked by windows and watched the two for weeks. They were happy, he realized. Happy in a way Sephiroth did not think he could ever be. He saw an unrestrained smile on Aerith's face one day and he wondered how many secrets it would take to break him.


	14. The Never of NeverNeverland

I don't own FFVII , Square Enix does.

WARNING: May contain triggers for child abuse.

Forgive the format. I'm not quite sure where I was going with this piece.

* * *

His Mommy is hurting him and he does not know why.

Her hands are painful around his throat and 4.5-year-old Kadaj does not know why.

Why

Why

Why does his Mommy hurt him so?

Some days are fine and they laugh, smile, and hold hands. These days are the best. But, sometimes Mommy has dark days, too. He does not like his mother very much on these days. She is scary and he almost always cries. These are the days his heart hurts the most.

His fingers try to claw at Aerith's constricting hands, but she will not let go.

Kadaj wants to shout but there is no air in his lungs.

"Stop it, Mommy! It hurts!" he wants to scream into her contorted face, but he does not have enough breath to whisper.

His mommy probably would not listen anyway, not when she has her mean face on. Scary green eyes bear down on him and a cold voice, a not-mommy voice, jeers. He wheezes and he sniffles under her harsh care. Weakly, the child hopes that his real mother still thinks him a big boy, even though there are "baby" tears drying on his face.

Everything is blurry now. He is scared and tries to scream again; nothing, not even a sigh comes out. Not-Mommy's eyes grow brighter when they see his struggles and their acidic cruelty forces out a silent whimper.

"BANG!"

The sound barely registers in Kadaj's oxygen starved ears. It takes a moment for him to clear the panic and come back to the world. In a flurry of movement and noise, he can hear again and more importantly, breathe. He gulps greedily for breath but falls instead into choking sobs.

He can hear screaming and fighting. The ugliness makes the boy want to disappear. It is too much and all of it feels too raw. He wants them to stop. No, he _**needs**_ them to stop! His gentle Daddy looks so mad and that is scarier than his un-Mommy. He cries but they cannot hear his tiny voice above their angry adult passions.

Stop. Stop. Stop! Snap!

Something inside breaks and everything feels all wrong. It hurts and it hurts. Is it his heart? Is it his head? He does not know, so he covers his ears and screams because it is everything at once and it is all too much. He screams until he feels sick and his Daddy is kneeling beside him with worried eyes. Kadaj tries to speak, but his feelings are tied up in his tummy and caught in his throat. He is ashamed when his intended words spill out as vomit, and so, he cries harder.

* * *

When Zack reaches out to comfort him, Kadaj flinches in spite of himself. His unintended action cuts his father deep. Kadaj watches, as his Daddy's face also turns ugly from tears. He had not meant to hurt him. His Daddy should not cry. He is the bestest Daddy in the world thinks the child with shame and horror. After another attempt, he cuddles close in his father's arms. Hugging is always good for boo-boos.

Together, they rock from side to side. The 2nd CLASS whispering and blubbering strange nothings until Kadaj's tears decreases to a low whine.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," the man sobs in between alternate rocking and kisses upon his son's hair.

They stay like this for hours until Kadaj realizes he has wet himself during his mother's attack and embarrassment brings on a fresh cry.

"It's ok," Zack coos, heartbroken and ill from the hurt of his child. "Nobody's angry at you."

"Shh" he croons again as he draws the boy a bath filled with the child's favorite things.

But, Kadaj continues to cry. He cries through his bath, through his pajamas, and a cup of warm milk. Eventually, he cries himself to sleep.

* * *

Zack sits in quiet contemplation while his baby bird dreams. There is no mistaking it now. He was wrong and Zack is ashamed of how long he let his weakness hurt everyone involved. He does not know how he can ask or even deserve any of Kadaj's forgiveness.

Zack is halfway through tucking in Kadaj, before a half awake and watery voice reaches his ears.

"Daddy" his son whimpers, and the sound of it tears a chunk out of Zack's already guilty heart.

"Yeah, sport?" he croaks, barely able to keep his own emotions in check.

"Does Mommy hate me?" comes a whisper, thin and frightened - as if the asker is afraid of the answer.

"No, sport," the SOLDIER all but weeps. "She doesn't hate you. Not at all. In fact, I think she loves you most in the world."

"Then why does she hurt me?" The preschooler hisses with such venom, that the transformation startles Zack.

Kadaj flicks hurt green eyes up at his father. They accuse without meaning to. It is hard for the older man to bear the weight of them

"Is it 'cause I'm bad? Is that why she goes away too?"

Zack scrubs a weary hand across his face and takes a seat on the small bed.

"No, kiddo. It ain't any of those reasons at all. It's just…it's just…your mom… She's sick."

Kadaj's confused face shows that he clearly does not understand.

"Sick? Like when my tummy hurts or my nose is stuffed?"

Zack sighs. It is difficult but this is only the first step in a series of many towards redeeming himself as a parent.

"No it's a different kind of sick, Kadaj… Your Mom's… sick in the head. It's the kind of sick that makes you do bad things sometimes."

The explanation is over simple but it will have to do. Any deeper and he might crack.

"Like hurt me?" questions the bed's other occupant.

The words draw an unexpected wince from Zack and the confession slips out before he catches himself.

"I'm sorry, Kadaj," the man chokes, overwrought and overwhelmed. "I'm sorry for letting her hurt you for so long."

And there it is. Out to the world. Zack feels as if he has torn himself down to the core of his soul. Everything about him and what it is to be a father lies bare and ashamed before his betrayed child's eyes.

Kadaj frowns for a second. His eyes locked on his sheets for a long moment. Suddenly, a scream rips through him and his hands grip and rip at his moonlight hair.

"I don't want Mommy to be sick," he keens with a painful intensity.

"I want a normal Mommy, " he pants frantically as tears renew themselves. "One who loves me nicely."

I want a normal mommy like Loz or Yazoo. I want her to come back and be a normal Mommy! I want her to be nice to me. I want her to love me" he screeches, hands still locked dangerously in his hair.

"Kadaj…," Zack breathes, just breathes for a second, before closing his eyes against his threatening emotions.

"I wish I could promise you that…"

Kadaj, never good with dealing with his own feelings, launches into an apoplectic fit. Zack stands by and watches, guilt keeping him still. Eventually, Kadaj quiets. His screams turn into heavy, breathy sobs. Zack approaches him then and wraps the child tight in his arms.

"I don't want her to hurt me anymore," Kadaj sniffles from his human cage, "but I want her to come back."

Zack eyes are firm. "She won't…come back, I mean. Not for a looong time…"

"No," Kadaj whines.

"Shh," quiets Zack. "Hear me out, buddy. She won't come back until she's better, Kadaj."

"Until then we have to help her. We have to be good and strong for her so that she doesn't worry about us," continues in a strong tone.

When Kadaj refuses to respond, Zack cups the child's shaking face and looks into beautiful green eyes with flecks of his own deep blue.

"Can you do that for me, Kadaj? Can you promise Daddy that you'll be braver and stronger while Mommy's gone?"

There is a slight nod of head. His father will take it as a pledge.

Kadaj remains silent. The quiet is uneasy. Zack decides to change the topic and clear the heavy atmosphere. It is late and they will have a lifetime to deal with their elephant in the corner.

"Let's read a bedtime story. You can pick anything you like," he coaxes, and he is surprised when Kadaj obeys and walks over to his bookcase.

* * *

The child sits calmly in his lap, and to Zack, it is almost as if they were back in his son's infancy. Those days when things were easy and nice and everything _**was **_a fairytale. But that is not how things are and the stories do little to hold reality at bay.

They sit and read for hours, but neither of their hearts are in it. Kadaj finally falls asleep during the middle of Peter Pan. Zack tries hard not to think of the Lost Boys and how they pertain to his son. He closes the book with a heavy sigh while lingering over the idea of Neverland. Eyes misty over the sight of his only child's fretful sleep, Zack cannot help wishing for his own happy ending too.


	15. Repercussions

I don't own FFVII or any of its characters.

* * *

"Hey, Seph," croaks Zack from between the crack of an open door. The 2nd's face is covered in stubble and he looks terrible in the early morning light.

"Are you sure you're alright?" questions Sephiroth, pausing to take in Zack's pallid features. Aerith's departure has not been easy on the man and Kadaj's normally tolerable behavior seems to be taking a toll.

The younger man waves off the concern.

"I'll be fine," Zack lies with weary eyes.

A tired hand beckons the General in and points towards a child sitting on a couch.

"Just come on in. Kadaj is on the couch and his stuff is in the hallway."

Sephiroth clears his throat to draw the little boy's attention away from his morning cartoons.

"Uncle!" Kadaj screams with such happiness that Sephiroth barely feels the pang of disappointment that usually accompanies his title.

"Upon Shiva! You've certainly gotten bigger since the last time I saw you Kadaj," beams the man at the child clutching tightly to his leg.

The remark causes Kadaj to jump up and down from excitement. He is the smallest out of all of his friends, and the fact often troubles him.

"Did I really get bigger, Uncle? I think Souba's bigger too!" the preschooler cries, holding up the well-worn plush for examination.

"I'll say he has," answers Sephiroth as he ushers his "nephew" towards his bags. "Come let's get your things and be off. I have a surprise for you."

Kadaj goes still at his uncle's words, his happy countenance turning morose. It takes the Sephiroth by surprise and he is confused by the abrupt change.

Little lips tremble in an attempt to stifle tears. "What if Mama comes back when I'm not here?"

Zack freezes in his track at the question, but does not answer. Sephiroth frowns as he ponders the situation.

Aerith has reduced her exposure to Kadaj to nearly nothing. She lives in a separate apartment and insists that it is for the best. Sephiroth is curious as to what has changed his friend's stubborn opinion, but cannot bring himself to ask Zack outright.

Something happened a few weeks ago, and Aerith has been gone ever since then. Contact has been minimal. Attempts to talk to her have come up empty. Gone are the days when Sephiroth was her silver knight and her closed heart will tell him nothing. Sephiroth secretly understands and apporves of her actions.

Kadaj, on the other hand, does not understand and Sephiroth suspects that Zack is keeping the child in the dark. If that is the case, then it is best to distract him before he starts asking questions that are even more difficult or throws one of his famous tantrums.

With a gentle but firm grip, Sephiroth picks up Kadaj and begins to tickle him mercilessly.

"We'll worry about that later, Kadaj. If we don't hurry, we won't be able to get your surprise," he cajoles with a wide grin.

Kadaj's mood lightens instantly. He scrambles out of his uncle's arms and makes haste to grab as many bags as he can. Sephiroth is very grateful that Kadaj's age makes him easy to manipulate.

Zack glares at the pair, jealously evident in his shadowed eyes. He rubs a hand over the scruff on his face and clears his throat.

"Can I at least get a hug, buddy?" he whines, as he bends to sweep Kadaj into his arms.

Crushing the small body to himself, he shudders. He will cope, for his son's sake, he will cope. He just needs a few days to get over things, get over himself. Letting go of Aerith is hard, but the idea of being an accomplice to Kadaj's abuse is harder. It is time to make things right.

Zack sighs as he watches his son scamper of towards his uncle. It irks Zack that Sephiroth often seems like the better parent, but he is grateful that the other man is able to step in while Zack rearranges his life.

As the door shuts, Zack finds the silence of his home deafening. He wants to cover his ears from it. The silence taunts of abuse, of his childhood home, of the times he held his breath to hide from a beating. The silence is _**oppressive**_. Picking up a box and banging around to disrupt the quiet, Zack begins step one of his road to redemption. The sins of his past will not haunt his son

* * *

"What flavors can I get?" wheedles Kadaj from the backseat of Sephiroth's car.

"Any flavors you like," kindly responds the man as he shifts into the car park.

Carefully, extracting his nephew out of his booster sear, the white haired man takes extra care to ensure that an obnoxious hat obscures most of Kadaj's face. The General himself sports a pair of sunglasses and a cap. One can never be too cautious when one is the "Hero of Shinra". Kadaj has been a rather well keep secret from the civilian public, and Sephiroth would like to keep it that way.

The little boy draws him out of his thoughts by tugging insistently on Sephiroth's hand.

"I want chocolate and strawberry. Souba wants pistachio," the boy demands while swinging his chaperone's hand back and forth.

The little tyrant's smile is just too cute. If the little one was truly his and his alone…No, there is no point to thinking like that. Gripping the little hand tightly in his own, Sephiroth leads Kadaj towards the ice cream store.

Kadaj is positively enchanted by the shop, the largest in all of Midgar. So enchanted is he, that he does not notice the whispers or second looks. Sephiroth hovers protectively close by, ready to destroy anyone or thing that poses a threat.

Blissfully unaware, Kadaj runs ahead into the shop. Watching the little boy try to look over the ice cream counter makes an endearing sight. Sephiroth happily grabs the child's hands when his excited nephew bounds back to him.

"Anything you'd like, Kadaj," murmurs the General. By Shiva, he means it too. Sometimes it disturbs the man just how much he would be willing to do to ensure his almost-son knows this.

Kadaj skips back up to the counter to give his order. He orders an ice cream that is far too large for him but Sephiroth holds his tongue. He has never had the heart to make the child unhappy in any kind of way; a trait the youngster unknowingly shares with his mother. As the General watches his charge attempt to consume the sugary mess, he contemplates on what-ifs and maybes. With a shake of his head, he casts them aside. There is no use dwelling in the past when one is not even certain of the future.

Their peace is short-lived. There are very few 7-foot tall men, and even fewer with silver hair. It does not take long for bold paparazzi to show up for a snapshot. Without thinking, Sephiroth destroys the camera with a burst of energy. It was the wrong move. His actions confirm the reporter's suspicions and send the media into frenzy.

Luckily, the shop is empty enough but the whispers are starting to increase and gazes are starting to wander. The arrival of a few more photographers makes Sephiroth's hackles rise and in a fit of over protectiveness, he finds himself sweeping up Kadaj and marching out of the ice cream shop. He ignores the questions and does the best that he can to shield Kadaj's face from the cameras. They are halfway towards the parking lot when the SOLDIER comes back to himself and realizes his charge is crying.

He looks down to find Kadaj worked up over an empty ice cream cone. It must have dropped during all the jostling. Streaks of it run down the boy's shirt and into his stuffed animal. It makes for a pitiful sight.

Sephiroth does not get a word in before the first scream starts. Surprised, he lets Kadaj drop from his arms to slither pathetically onto the floor.

"My ice cream," whines the child.

Sephiroth is paralyzed by the tone, immobilized at the idea that he has caused it. Kadaj's face morphs into a meltdown. His cries increase with every moment that his guardian spends impotent.

The General panics. He has been tortured, abused, and neglected more times than he can account. On each occasion, he has always answered with an unearthly calm. Now, he stands staring, unsure of what to do. He has seen some of Kadaj's minor tantrums and has read about tantrums in a few books. To experience one in person is a completely different story.

"My ice cream, " Kadaj screams again, stomping bitty feet in an attempt to work out his muddled emotions. It is a wonder that he has not broken the cone yet.

Sephiroth remains at a loss. They cannot go back, the place will be swarming now. They also cannot stay too long in this area either. He will try to reason with the preschooler. It has always worked in the past.

"I'll get you another one, Kadaj, but for now we have to go."

His response is apparently the wrong one as Kadaj begins to cry harder. The child's words are barely understandable between his sobs. Stooping to Kadaj's level, Sephiroth tries again.

"Kadaj, we really have to go now. It's not safe here. When we get somewhere quiet, I will buy you another ice cream. I promise."

Kadaj begins to pull at his hair while his shrieks turn blood curdling. The attention drifting towards them is making the SOLDIER feel claustrophobic. The clatter of paparazzi sounds off around the corner. He does not want to risk the chance of photographers capturing this tantrum. They may do as the like with himself, but they will not film his **son **during his lowest moments. Unable to wait any longer, the silver haired man snatches up his raging nephew. He ignores the fists and legs that beat on his torso.

Sephiroth sets a brisk pace, far faster than a regular human can catch up to. By the time they have reached the car, Kadaj is clawing at his captor's arms and angry red lines are left in the toddler's wake.

Attempting put Kadaj in his booster seat is one of the greatest challenges Sephiroth has ever faced. Torn between wanting the child safely buckled up and being afraid to hurt him in away way, the man struggles to buckle his charge in. He is forceful; though the mere thought of leaving so much as a red mark makes Sephiroth nearly hyperventilate. Kadaj, uncaring of his guardian's apprehension, continues his fit with vigor.

Finally, the Demon of Wutai gives up on any ideas of discretion and teleports the both of them back to his apartment. He can always get his car later.

Kadaj is still crying and screaming and it troubles the silver haired man greatly. His tantrums have never lasted this long and this one in particular seems to only be increasing in magnitude. Somewhat calmed down now that they are in safe surroundings, Sephiroth tries to reason with Kadaj again.

Setting both hands on the squirming boy's shoulders, he tries to look into the snotty little face.

"Kadaj, use your words," he coaxes.

"You're a big boy now. Surely you can tell Uncle what's the matter with big boy words," Sephiroth urges with a slightly pressing edge.

Kadaj is having none of it. No matter how hard the General tries, he is not getting through. What happened in the last few weeks for Kadaj to get like this? He has always had a temper but it has never been this bad, never this uncontrollable. Sephiroth decides to look for a solution in one of his parenting books. Perhaps, the lack of attention will help Kadaj calm down too. Sparing his nephew once last glance, the man walks into his study to hopefully find the answer in one of his many books.

He is snapped out of his research when the noises from the living room turn odd. Puzzled and slightly alarmed, Sephiroth heads back into something from a nightmare. Kadaj has scratches all over his face and is gasping for air. Trails of sick run down his shirt and a little puddle lies before him on the floor. Everything about the sight is gut wrenching.

For the first time since he was a small child, Sephiroth finds himself raising his voice. He is **afraid** and he is rarely afraid. He cannot even begin to figure out what is wrong and he is desperate for help. What if there is something wrong? What if Kadaj is sick? What if Kadaj hurt himself while he was away? A pitiful part of the General throbs with guilt over his momentary lapse in care.

Pulling out his PHS, he dials a number - Lazard's. Everyone else is on duty or does not have the pull he needs. They need to go to the **Labs**. There is nothing else to be done for it. Whatever is wrong with Kadaj needs to be seen by a professional and quickly. It is also needs to be done discreetly. The Labs are Hojo's domain and Sephiroth would rather the scientist **did not** see Kadaj. Lazard has that kind of power. In moments, he has Sephiroth in touch with a trusted colleague. The General wastes no time teleporting into the scientists' office.

* * *

The doctor peruses her charts while casting a thoughtful glance at Kadaj's sleeping face.

"It was just a tantrum. My sister used to throw them all the time. The scratches may look nasty but they aren't too deep. Look, he's already healing up. Those J-cells are amazing…" she sighs with a dreamy look upon her face.

"Thank you." Sephiroth replies sheepishly. "My ….circumstances were quite different. I was afraid something terrible had gone wrong. It seems as though I have overreacted."

A chuckle slips from the physician's lips. "No more than any regular parent. Tantrums can be a scary sight. For someone who doesn't have much access to kids, it must have been downright terrifying."

"I would say that you reacted in line with any other first time parent, though it is hard to imagine the great Sephiroth intimidated by a mere kindergartner."

"And, if he does it again ?" Sephiroth asks because he is afraid there will be plenty more "agains". "How should I react?"

"Ignore him," The doctor says plainly. "It what the experts say. Even if it escalates."

A frown. "I did and when I came back to him…he was harming himself. Surely, this is not what a regular tantrum is like?"

"They take all forms, General. I would only be worried if it was a sudden change. Has any trauma happened to him recently?"

"His mother left. Abruptly. Could this be a…product of that?" Sephiroth answers with a wince.

"It's hard to know. You said this was first time right?"

A slow nod. "Yes for me. I am not sure about his father. This might be a regular occurrence."

"Then, you'd have to watch him to see if it is regular behavior. If it gets worst or his tantrums increase, then he might have to be…evaluated."

"Evaluated?"

"Yes, evaluated, most likely at Shinra since we are the best, but it would mean more time in the labs. More chances for …"

"Hojo?"

"Yes, more chances for Hojo to examine him and I doubt you would like that."

"No," Sephiroth answers truthfully, "I wouldn't and I fear risking… outside help as it is…"

The doctor considers his words and pauses for a moment to think.

"I suppose there are some alternatives you could try... There has been some talk of sports as therapy, though the results appear inconclusive. Perhaps, you might try that?"

"I had considered teaching him sword fighting …"

Sephiroth pauses, looking uncharacteristically hesitant before he begins again.

"Do you… do you think it would be safe for a child like him?"

The question spreads a sour taste throughout Sephiroth's mouth- to suggest his child is anything less than perfect.

"For a child with such a temperament possessing my genes?'

"You won't know until you try. If his behavior becomes worse, then you should stop immediately."

"I'll will speak to his… father. If he agrees, then perhaps, I might start."

"It would be worth a shot, wouldn't it?" grins the young woman from the other side of the examination table.

Reaching into her desk, the doctor takes a book and hands it to the worried man.

"Here, take this book just in case you find yourself in another sticky situation."

"Thank you, doctor."

"No problem. At least you know who you can call should anything happen again."

"Yes, this is indeed reassuring. And, Doctor, is it possible to keep this from Hojo? That man…"

The doctor hisses with vehemence.

"That man may look human but he's a monster inside. If it wasn't for my sister…"

"Yes, I think I'll take Kadaj home now. I do not want him waking up in the Labs. It is not a place for a child-any child," Sephiroth says with such emotion that it gives the doctor pause.

"Yes of course. He may be a bit drowsy still once the sedative wears off. He'll probably feel out of sorts for the rest of the day."

After collecting his precious burden, Sephiroth stops at the door to verbalize his gratitude.

"Thank you Dr. Rui, your discretion is appreciated. In return, I will most definitely keep an ear out for any word on your sister."

The doctor waits for the pair to leave before quietly sighing to herself.

"Shalua, someday…I'll find you."

* * *

A nasally oily voice drifts through the corridors as Sephiroth makes his way towards the upper levels of the medical bay. The General tenses in spite of himself. He had been so close.

"I thought I would see Hollander complete a successful project before I ever saw you willingly in my Labs, boy. I wonder what on Gaia could have possibly brought you here."

Hojo's predatory gaze settles upon Kadaj's face. Sephiroth can almost feel the tendrils of Hojo's phantom hands.

"Ah, so this is Kadaj. Imagine it has taken so many years to see this specimen in person again."

"Hojo," Sephiroth warns. He would sooner tear the scientist apart than let him touch the child in his arms.

The man barks a laugh his experiment's response. They have not been on cordial terms since Aerith's insemination.

"Did you really think that you could go unnoticed in my own department? Where are the brains in your head, boy? Of course, I would know if you were down in my labs! I have eyes everywhere!"

"We were just leaving."

The threat is clear

Hojo's eyes have not left Kadaj's face the entire time. Sephiroth's skin crawls at the mental suggestion of what the researcher wants to do to his boy.

"I see. I'll let you be on your way then."

Hojo lets his eyes follow the pair. Drinking in the perfection of the oldest and pondering on the potential of his heir. Desire wells up deep inside him, and Hojo _knows_ that he must have Kadaj to study for his own.

"Assistant Wreic, I want you to start making plans. Promises and contracts be damned, I'll have a chance to study that specimen if it's the last thing I do. Somehow, I feel as though that brat may be my greatest discovery yet."

* * *

When Sephiroth returns to his apartment, a bath is very much in order. Kadaj is a mess and baths are a calming experience. With care, he wakes the child up, giving him time to come back to his senses. When his nephew is fully awake, they head to the bathroom for a much-needed bubble bath.

Careful to use the No-Tears shampoo he brought especially for the child, he begins to wash Kadaj's hair gently, taking note of the child's physical changes. He considers the other J-project children he has met. Very few closely resemble himself. So far, out of the dozens that have been born, only two have any close resemblance to Kadaj. Sephiroth scans for similarities or differences between them and his most closely related son.

Kadaj is willowy and thin but not nearly as tall and reedy as Reeve's son, Yazoo. In fact, Kadaj seems quite short for his age. Sephiroth wonders whose genes are responsible. At least, the child is not burly and awkward like the Highwind child, Loz. They are older, these other children, but rumor has it that Hojo has terrible intentions for them. Considering the power of Yazoo's mother, the ex Wutian princess Yuffie, it seems unlikely that the scientist's schemes will come to fruition.

A splash of water draws Sephiroth out of his daydreams. Green eyes greet the General's own, but they are of a different shade. There are hints of Zack in the blue that flecks about, but the earthy green that stares sleepily back -that is all Aerith. Everything about the child's face, though made pale and noble by Sephiroth's grace, is almost a complete copy of his mother.

From the moment that Aerith first placed a baby picture in Sephiroth's hands, the SOLDIER has been in love. The lily-white tufts and deeply green eyes had eased him of promises broken and dreams forgotten. His love is not a romantic love; no, but a deep ever encompassing one that grows every time he sets eyes on his nephew-almost son. With Kadaj, Sephiroth has allowed his betrayed heart to beat again and slowly he is coming to hope again too.

Scrubbing at little fingers, Sephiroth takes in their piano-player like quality and wonders if they will ever become calloused from swordplay. He will try the doctor's suggestion, anything to keep Kadaj as far from Hojo as possible. He has already bought a little wooden sword. He wonders if the child will have the aptitude for it. He prays that he is doing the right thing. He has already failed Kadaj too much as it is.

* * *

"'Geal?"

"It's me, Zack."

"Zack, where are you?"

"I'm going now"

"Zack, tell. me. where. you .are. now!"

"Zac-!"

Click.

"Dammit, Zack."


	16. Reassurance

I don't own FFVII or any of its characters.

* * *

Angeal finds Zack by the docks, whisky in hand and bottle deep in his troubles. Slowly, he approaches his former mentee, taking a seat next to Zack's slumped figure. His former student acknowledges his appearance with a droopy nod and swig of poison.

"Want some?" slurs the black haired man as he fixes his mentor with a watery and unsteady gaze.

"No, thank you, "replies the 1st as he gently takes the bottle from Zack's grasp.

"My old man used to do this," hiccups the younger male, his country accent becoming thicker with the fog of alcohol.

"He used to drink and drink and drink 'fore he'd move on to beating on me and my ma."

Zack looks blankly at the sky and kicks at the rocks near his feet. Angeal pretends not to hear the momentary sob- the quiet catch of breath- that wracks the other man's body.

Instead, Angeal seeks the cause of Zack's late night call.

"Why are you out here, Zack?"

Zack hangs his head in response and Angeal finds himself growing alarmed at the long silence.

"What happened, Zack?" he presses, feeling fear and, trepidation, and so many terrible feelings at once.

"Where is Kadaj?"

His younger companion chokes on what could be another sob before answering.

"With Seph, of course. With his fucking perfect Uncle Seph." Zack hisses brokenly, head lolling in his drunken bitterness.

"Why?" pushes Angeal, confused and caught mildly off guard by Zack's strong language.

"She's gone," Zack whispers.

Angeal has to strain to hear the other man completely.

"She's gone and she's never coming back," the 2nd moans as he rocks from side to side.

"Zack-"Angeal begins, but is cut off by the rest of Zack's drunken ramblings.

"She was killing him, 'Geal! Choking my baby boy with this look in her eyes like she wanted to kill him! What was I supposed to do!?" Zack shouts as though he suddenly needs the words out.

"I swore to Gaia I'd never lay a hand on my wife but "Geal she was killing him-And, I…Shiva, help me I lost it."

"She was killing him and I hit her, "weeps Zack, pitiful and young before his mentor's eyes.

"I just saw red and I hit her **hard**. I've never land a hand on a woman but I swear right then, I could have killed her."

Dropping his face into his hands, Zack continues, his words becoming more garbled as his emotions rise.

"I smacked her hard, right across the face-Just like my old man used to do to me and my Ma. I swear I coulda heard that bastard laughing in my head. When I came to, Kadaj was screaming and crying in the background and I coulda swore I was 8 years old in Gongaga again. I wanted to die."

Angeal remains quiet, allowing Zack to continue his drunken confession.

"When she looked into my eyes, she wasn't her. It's was like looking into someone else's eyes. I know my wife. I've been inside her, created a life with her, and those eyes were not hers. I was angry. I threw her out and she ain't been back."

"Did you go after her?" asks Angeal with a concerned tone.

Zack swallows thickly.

"I didn't have the heart to chase after her, seeing what she'd done, seeing as what I'd done. I can't even look at my boy anymore now either," he murmurs, avoiding his mentor's heavy gaze.

Shaking his head, Zack runs frustrated hands though his hair. He blows out his emotions violently before slumping back against a wall.

"This guilt is skinning me alive," the 2nd hisses. "I look in the mirror and all I can see is a fucking monster and my old man leering at me."

Angeal rubs a hand on Zack's shoulder, in what he hopes is a comforting gesture. He keeps his tone gentle as he pushes himself closer to the man next to him.

"You're human, Zack, and even the best of us do monstrous things," the older man whispers.

"While I can't agree with your actions, you wanted to save your son. If she's gone, perhaps it is for the best. Kadaj deserves to be safe."

Zack nods his head in slow agreement as if he finally understands what everyone has been warning him about for years.

"I don't want to be him," Zack whimpers, eyes shimmering with drunken and sober pleas.

"You won't be like him, Zack," Angeal replies evenly.

"I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to hurt nobody," the black haired man sighs with his head towards the night sky.

"I just wanted a family, 'Geal. That's all. A wife and children that I could hold close and protect."

Gingerly, Zack takes a photograph out of his pocket. It is well worn and well loved. He runs a gentle finger across it, his smile wet and bittersweet.

"When Aerith lost that baby years ago, I had put my hopes away….When they put Kadaj in my arms and I looked at him for the first time…I swore on my life he'd have better. He'd want for and fear nothing. "

Angeal looks at the photo with understanding eyes. Kadaj has always been a very wanted child.

"But then, look what I did. Wanting to live a lie, I kept the devil right 'side him. I didn't want to believe. I didn't want to let go. Kept her close and kissed her good night thinking we was a family. I kept my boy in hell though I swore he'd never see it."

"Zack," Angeal soothes," you cannot change the past but you can atone. Now is your chance to be a proper parent to Kadaj- to start over."

Zack sniffles and pauses to rub his nose.

"And if I can't?" he howls.

Strangled sobs deprive Zack of breath. He swigs his whiskey to gain some liquid courage.

"I look in the mirror and I see my old man," quivers the 2nd, eyes downcast and haunted.

"I became a SOLDIER because I wanted to be someone's hero. I couldn't save my Ma. I couldn't do anything in that house back in Gongaga. When I was a kid, I thought I'd become a SOLDIER, get me a wife and baby, and go back to that house and show my old man what for."

Shakily, Zack returns the photograph to his pocket. His gaze becomes harder as he continues to speak.

"But that bastard had the heart to die 'fore I could set one foot right. He died drunk, in some back gutter alley, like a common street cat. I can hear that bastard laughing at me now. Telling me that I've messed up good and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

"No, Zack. You're no-"

"I am him," Zack presses, stumbling on his words.

"Aerith's been hurting our son and it's taken me this long to stop it!? Whether it's by my hand or hers, if I'm letting my son get hurt, I'm no better. Not one lick better. How can I look my boy in the eyes, as his father, and tell him that I'll protect him?"

Stretching a hand to wards Zack, Angeal pulls the drunken man up.

"Zack, I want to help you. Let me help you. If you'd like you can stay with Genesis and me until you get back on your feet."

Zack staggers as he shakes his head in refusal.

"No," he slurs," I'm all right. I'm got Kadaj with Seph. He'll take care of him. He always has."

Zack's tone is full of self-disappointment and misplaced bitterness.

"I'll be fine, 'Geal. Just need some time…that's all. Just a little time on my own."

Angeal rests a firm but gentle grip around his former mentee's swaying arm.

"If you want to start making things right, Zack, you'll start by manning up," the burly man scolds, leaving little room for argument. "Getting sober and sorting your life out properly, starting tomorrow."

Zack continues to shake his head and attempts to withdraw his arm.

"I'm fine, 'Geal. Honest."

The younger man is startled when Angeal angrily tugs him forward.

"If you were fine, Zack, I wouldn't be here in the middle of the night. I wouldn't have spent damn near all night searching for a drunk. You would be home cleaning up your life like an adult!"

Zack has the grace to look ashamed after the rebuke. His head hung low, he shifts from foot to foot, a nervous habit the man has always had.

"I guess," Zack whispers, rubbing the back of his neck," I guess I could stay for a couple of days…"

Angeal smiles warmly before clapping the other SOLDIER on the back.

"Let me call Genesis. He's like a mother hen sometimes, even though he won't admit. I'll have him set the spare room up."

He casts Zack a sly grin.

"I have a feeling you're going to want to sleep this one off."

Zack waits by obediently while Angeal dials his home. After several minutes of fanatic questioning from the other side, Angeal completes his conversation and turns back towards his companion. The 1st Class is surprised by a bear tight hug. It has been a long time since they have been like this. Zack has not hugged his mentor like this since his cadet days.

Not lifting his head, Zack murmurs his thanks and Angeal accepts it without comment. The veteran SOLDIER smiles to himself over the young man who is old enough to be his brother but has always felt like a son. Angeal knows he is probably the only real father Zack has ever had and the older male does not begrudge his apprentice of these moments.

"You're a good boy, Zack."

The tears come freely then, thick and aching from the young man's mouth; Angeal hums a Banoran lullaby in return. Quietly the pair walks home. Tomorrow will be a new day.


	17. Coercion

I don't own FFVII or any of it's characters.

* * *

"I saw your son the other day, Aerith. He's grown into a fine boy."

Hojo pretends not to notice the shattered test-tube at Aerith's feet.

"Did he-did he look well?" comes the shaky response.

"As well as I can suppose," shrugs the scientist.

"He was asleep when I saw him. It would be nice to see him again in person. After all, I practically raised you. The boy is practically like a grandchild to me, "complains Hojo as he tries to keep the smirk from his lies.

Aerith eyes her mentor warily.

"I don't think his father would like that. Sephiroth, I am sure, would be furious too," frets his pretty, little assistant.

Hojo scowls when he considers his other project. He should have foreseen that anything involving Aerith would involve a protective Sephiroth. Still, the results of their pairing have created such a wonderful specimen.

"Ah yes, Sephiroth. He did seem quite wary of me. I don't know what I've done to earn that boy's ire. You seem to like me well enough..."

Aerith looks away at his complaint and busies herself with some data to hide her expression.

"We...were not on the same research track, Dr. Hojo," she whispers quietly, knowing full well why Sephiroth hates his former guardian. "I think his track has left him a quite different person."

Hojo shakes his head at how emotional Sephiroth remains over his childhood.

"Yes, I suppose," sighs the older scientist without an ounce of understanding.

"But honestly, that child should thank me! He is the strongest SOLDIER ever created. Does that mean anything to him!? He hates me for his upbringing but it was for the best! Had I emotionally coddled him as I coddled you, he would have ended up like that overly affected mess of a project, Rhaspsodos! How Hollander can attach his name to such a failed experiment is beyond me…." Hojo gripes as he turns look at Aerith fully.

The young researcher blushes at the uncharacteristic outburst. She ducks her head to hide her embarrassment.

"I am lucky that you could spoil me," Aerith murmurs while keeping her eyes averted.

She was always the more cooperative one anyway. However he loathes admitting it, that fact alone made it easier to "spoil" her. If he were really the sentimental type, Hojo might call her daughter. The scientist walks over to glance at Aerith's work. He schools his expression into a paternal one hoping that it will work.

"Well, I suppose it can't be helped now, can it? Your body simply was not meant for battle, it would have been a waste to put you on a SOLDIER track. You would have most definitely failed. Moreover, I could not stand for failure in my most precious Jenova Project. No, Aerith, you are more valuable to me as you are."

Feeling the awkwardness of the situation, Hojo changes the subject. He had not meant to get that emotionally deep. He shivers at how dealing with Aerith often reminds him of his past with Lucrecia.

"Have you sorted out your schedule for next week's testing? I don't want any interruptions. If we start on Monday, you should be stable by Thursday."

Aerith stiffens but quickly relaxes her posture. Her easy tone does little to hide her discomfort. "Yes, it's cleared. But, Professor, do you really think it is right to continue Jenova? Lately, I've bee-"

"Of course it is, child," interrupts Hojo, quickly cutting through his test subject's hesitance. "This is my life's work. I have been working on this Project since before you were born. It would be madness to give up before seeing its results, especially, when we are so close."

Taming his irritation down, Hojo approaches Aerith, deliberately getting into her personal space.

"I'll only need use of you for a little while longer," he pleads, careful to make eye contact. Aerith is an easy one to intimidate and manipulate.

"Then you can be allowed your own projects possibly a promotion, if the experiment is a success. I hear the Botany department is looking for a new Assistant Director. I think you would make a much better scientist than that idiot, Dr Troys. Imagine being eaten by your own creation. How very foolish," the older scientist tempts. Aerith ALWAYS falls for the carrot. It is a blessing that Sephiroth's cynicism has never passed itself onto Aerith.

"That would be nice…" comes Aerith's shy answer and Hojo knows he has her. "I have been working with new strains of healing herbs recently. It would be …nice to get extra funding to support my research."

Ah, how beautiful it is that the girl has always been a scientist at heart!

"Now, that's the spirit, my girl. Everything in the name of science," praises Hojo from his workbench. "Now if only Sephiroth could understand that! I have to go through so much paperwork to get him down in my labs. Honestly, you would think the boy would have a greater appreciation for the scientist that created him."

Hojo rants on as he shuffles about and around the room until a thought occurs to him.

"Oh yes, I nearly forgot!" he exclaims. "How are the voices? Have they been speaking to you lately? Have you been recording them down?"

"No," Aerith responds with a sad sigh. "I haven't. Things have gotten easier since I…since I moved…out."

"Ah yes, the problem with your impulse control. I wonder if it is a side effect of Jenova cells. You see, child, this why we must continue to study you, to study Jenova. Think of all the things we do not know. What if our research helped you? What if it allowed you to go back to your son? "

Aerith does not respond, choosing instead to focus on her lab work.

"When is your next visit with Kadaj?" questions Hojo, his original goal once again laid out.

"In a few weeks. Why? " asks Aerith with a frown.

"I was wondering if I might sit in on it, in the background, of course. I won't make contact, you have my word."

Aerith frowns deeper.

"Zack would be angry… I promised him no experiments."

Hojo is quick to correct, holding up his hands in a non-threatening gesture.

"No experiments. I would merely be observing. Call it simply curiosity. I won't even bring notes. He's not even a proper J child so I have no right to study him anyway."

Aerith is considering his request. The frown on her lips pulls a little tighter. "If… If you were to stay completely hidden, I suppose it would be alright…"

Hojo grins.

"My dear, you won't even notice I'm there."


	18. First Steps

I do not own FFVII or any of its characters.

* * *

"Straighter," orders Sephiroth with no bite.

"Like this?" his pupil, Kadaj, grins back.

The General nods his head in approval at the correction in stance.

"Yes, now come at me."

Kadaj lunges straight for his uncle, eager and excited. It turns to surprise when he finds himself knocked to the ground "How did you…."

"Don't ever close your eyes," the white haired man answers with a hint of amusement. "You won't hit anything with your eyes shut…at least not yet."

The older man lends a hand to his student; lifting the child up with ease and pushing him gently back into his starting position.

Sephiroth schools his facial expression and takes up his own stance.

"Again!"

Kadaj wastes no time.

They practice in an easy atmosphere until Kadaj becomes frustrated and his temper gets the best of him. Sephiroth blocks the child's blows effortlessly, and casually comments on the sloppy strikes.

With a shriek, Kadaj lets out a particularly nasty blow. One that would have made a teenager stagger back. This display of ultra strength will eventually become a problem if it is not nipped in the bud now. Sephiroth blocks the next hit and easily grabs Kadaj by the wrist. It is the roughest he has ever been with his nephew, but then combat always brings out his feral side.

"You won't hit another like this either," the older man admonishes without heat. "You need to calm down. A good swordsman never lets emotion take hold."

Kadaj squirms in his teacher's grasp, fighting to break free. His strength is nothing to his uncle. The General drags the raging child to a nearby tree, and swings his pupil to face it. Kadaj still in the midst of a fit heaves and shrieks in his mentor's hold. Sephiroth pushes the child closer the tree and throws Kadaj's practice sword at his student's feet.

"Work your anger out, Kadaj," the 1ST orders sternly.

"I'll not indulge you this time. An unbalanced soldier is a dangerous soldier," he barks, allowing the General in him to override his parental side. In the end, he hopes the military strictness will benefit his nephew.

"You can hit this tree, until you calm yourself. Once you have, you can come back and train with me," Sephiroth explains in a much gentler tone, "You have to learn to control those angry feelings inside you, Kadaj."

With that, the General turns away and strides to his former location. He does not spare the angry little boy a second glance while he continues his practice of katas. Angry yells echo in the distance behind him, but Sephiroth will not be swayed. Kadaj's tantrums have only been getting worse. Sephiroth at his wits end has finally decided to defy Zack after obeying the man's denials for months. This is a last ditch effort to save Kadaj from a doctor's office and Hojo's clutches.

After waiting a self-appointed 30 minutes, Sephiroth turns and around and finds himself surprised by what he sees. Kadaj is diligently working through his tantrum. The man turns back around with a smile. He has attempted this sort of "time out" many times since the start of Kadaj's training, but this is the first time that Kadaj has actually been able to work through his temper. He will wait until Kadaj comes back on his own.

Sephiroth is eventually rewarded by the image of his contrite nephew before him.

"Are you finished?" he queries politely.

Kadaj flushes, before uncertainly at his tutor.

"I want to try again," the boy whispers with a quiet hope.

With a calculating look, the SOLDIER nods.

* * *

The rest of the lesson goes smoothly. Kadaj even corrects his stance by the end of it. A part of Sephiroth wishes he could share his pride but for now, this will have to be their little secret.

A small hand slips inside the General's larger one as Kadaj leans into his uncle with an unusually serious expression on his face.

"Thank you," the child murmurs, face shyly tilted upward.

"For what," Sephiroth asks, genuinely confused.

"For helpin' me," the boy whispers, his face hidden, "for helpin' me get the mad stuff outta me."

Sephiroth, sensing an opportunity, seizes the moment to open the conversation. "What makes you so mad?"

Kadaj shrugs his shoulders, unwilling to look his uncle in the eye.

"I dunno," he mumbles with another too careful shrug.

The General hesitates before asking his next question, knowing that the answer could open a can of worms.

"Would you like… would you like to talk to someone about it, Kadaj? There are doctors who can help," says Sephiroth carefully.

Kadaj shakes his head, gripping his guardian's hand a little tighter.

"No, I don't wanna," the child whispers a little fearfully.

Sephiroth frowns at the answer, though a part of him-the part that shivers at the mention of the Labs- sighs in relief.

"Are you sure, Kadaj? They can help you," he asks again, his desire to help his nephew overriding his selfish phobias. "I'll make sure it is a nice person if that is what you are afraid of."

Kadaj shakes his head again and this time there is a sniffle.

Fearing that he has pushed too far, the older man backs down. Despite his own feelings, he does not want therapy to become a threat to Kadaj. He drops the subject, saving it for another time.

"It's okay, Kadaj," Sephiroth reassures, loosening the handhold to wrap a comforting arm around his charge. "I won't make you do something you do not want to do. Nevertheless, if you ever want to, we can. Just tell me and I will make it so. Until then, I will be here and you can tell me whatever is bothering you. I promise I will listen."

The child looks up at Sephiroth's words, his eyes surprised and slightly suspicious. "Really anything"

"Yes, really," Sephiroth replies with a serious look on his face.

"I'd like that," Kadaj whispers with a small smile.

"Daddy only gets sad when I try to tell him things. He said I hafta be strong for Mommy, but I gotta be strong for him too. So, sometimes I can't tell him all the things I wanna," the child solemnly explains.

Pity, sympathy, and no small amount of anger well up in the man. Just how in the hell has Zack been responding to Kadaj's needs? The thought that Kadaj is STILL suffering from their mistakes makes Sephiroth consider fighting for custody once again. Perhaps he will if things become worse- Lazard be damned. He will find a way out of his legal constraints if he has to. For now though the trauma of Aerith's departure and abuse still weigh heavy on the boy and Sephiroth –ever the strategist- is reluctant to put the child through the stress of what would most definitely be nasty legal battle. One that Sephiroth would probably not win.

The General looks down at his nephew wishing that he had of done things differently. That he had of ignored his head and made Aerith his and his alone. That he had of bullied himself through the threat of Hojo and made himself the ONLY father of her child. Anything would have been better than this impotent half-life.

"Anytime you need to," the white haired man whispers a little hoarsely, "you come to me. You come to me, Kadaj, and I will listen. I promise you I will."

Kadaj nods his head, unnaturally subdued. Sephiroth changes the topic. Things are getting too heavy. He throws Kadaj up into the air and relishes in the giggle it earns. Gaia, how this moonlit boy should be his prince.

"Let's watch a movie. I have one about wolves, I think. There may even be popcorn."

The answering shout is all the General needs to know.

* * *

There is a gloom surrounding the apartment. Zack called the other night. His mission is over and he will be over tomorrow to pick his son up. Sephiroth looks at his houseguest with a pervading depression. He always thinks that he can live with the few days or weeks Zack's missions afford him, that they will be enough. He is lying to himself, that it could ever be enough. He will never be able to stop the yearning.

Kadaj, on the other hand, is full of excitement. Zack is his father after all, the second most important person the child's life after his absent mother. Sephiroth cannot help the bitterness of being third. This the last night that the pair will have together for a very long time. The knowledge of this gnaws at the General.

Kadaj's bedtime comes sooner than Sephiroth would like. The man prepares for it like a funeral. Though He tucks in his nephew in tightly like a grieving relative, his face remains a studious mess. Kadaj suspects nothing.

"Are you my real Dad?"

Sephiroth freezes at the completely unexpected question, his grip on Kadaj's sheet in an awkward hold. He was just about to tuck the child in.

"Yazoo says he doesn't live with his real dad either," Kadaj chirps on, heedlessly ignorant of his caretaker's distress.

The General unfreezes himself and continues on his task. He is careful to avoid the boy's eyes. It would not do to let the child see his longing.

"I'm not," Sephiroth murmurs steadily, though he does not know how. A small part of him wonders why he did not just lie. Then again, Sephiroth knows all too well the consequences of a grand lie.

Kadaj sighs and allows the comforter to be pulled up to his chin.

"Sometimes, I wish you were," he yawns in a sleepy voice.

Sephiroth remains quiet as his nephew falls into slumber. He watches as Kadaj's hidden eyes flit behind their lids and he brushes a loose strand from the child's dreaming face.

"I do too," The SOLDIER whispers back. On his way out of the room, he remembers to leave the nightlight on just in case Kadaj gets scared.


	19. Sacrifice

I do not own FFVII.

* * *

She has made the fateful decision. Only one set of keys dangle from her chain and Zack does not have a copy of them.

Jenova licks at the corners of her mind and though her arms tighten, she will not hurt her son. She will send him away before any attack has a chance to spring forward. For her sake…

…and because she loves him. Because, despite the monster inside of her, Kadaj is of her body, an extension of her putrefying heart. She had loved him as she hurt him and whispered intended sorrys into his silver crown; loved him as she had laid him to bed with bruises and cuts. Now she merely loves without hurt and it is freeing even if it is from afar.

For he is her small, little prince, a small light in this tunnel of darkness and a reason to fight this Jenova gnawing at her soul.

She does not visit him alone. His father, Zack, stands as a knight between the dangers she represents. Her husband will no longer meet her eyes, betrayed by her altruistic decisions. Aerith swallows the apology in her throat. She did the right thing. She whispers this to herself as salt stains her shirt and her fingers flex for Kadaj's baby fat cheeks.

She his mother and should be his protector. To want to be near him always is selfish. She is glad that she has grown up enough to know this now. If only Zack would join her in this knowledge, too.

She sighs sweetly in her son's hair and breaths in his gentle scent. He is safe. When she smiles, it is watery and hopeful because Kadaj looks HEALTHY.

The visit is only for 30 minutes and she has already spent 29 of it. Hojo watches nearby, but she thinks little of it. Kadaj has grown. No longer a baby but still her little boy, she is glad she can have at least this much.

"It's time for me to go, kiddo," she sighs, wanting to shake in her resolve.

She pulls moonlight arms away from her neck and ignores his infant wails. The stomps of his bitty feet and the beating on his father's chest will do nothing to her. She laughs a little. Yes, she did the right thing. She is sure of it now. She will keep the monster to herself and herself alone.

"I don't think we'll be able to meet next week, Zack. I don't trust myself."

Zack spares her a hurt glance as he walks the screaming child out of the room. Aerith continues her gentle stance. How long has it been since she has been at peace? Her smile does not waver and instead strengthens as she realizes how powerful her own grace as become. The green Voices whisper in her ear and grow. Zack and Kadaj are leaving at the right time. She is tired of trying to make Zack understand so she will not try anymore.

She is at peace, yes, so much peace. She looks at photographs and sobs sometimes, but in the end, there is no guilt and only relief. Kadaj reaches one last desperate hand to her and she ignores it for the greater good. The tears continue down her cheeks leaving their evidence deep within her blouse.

"Sacrifice," she murmurs to herself when she wants to run their side.

Motherhood is about sacrifice. She gingerly touches the space below her heart that Kadaj occupied for nine beautiful months. He was the life she brought into this world and she will be damned if she will be the one to take it away.

"Sacrifice," she repeats and she means it as she watches her family leave. Her hand sweeps in a soft arc goodbye and the door clicks harshly closed.


	20. Infatuation

I do not own FFVII or any of its characters.

* * *

"Soon," Hojo grins and it is a true one. Cascades of bubbles answer him like a lover's kiss. The scientist strokes a gentle hand across the glass. He never touched his wife this way.

"If only you were in the flesh, my dear," the researcher sighs with lewd promises. "The things I would study of you."

A cloud builds within the tank.

Hojo cups the sides as if they were cheeks. He is a besotted man.

"Soon," he shushes.

"Soon, my dear, soon," he soothes as he lays his brow against the glass.

His fingers dance along, searching for a missing body. He lifts his eyes to poison green and is lost.

"Soon, Jenova, but her body must be ready first. Once it is, I will give it to you, my darling. I'll give everything to you…"


	21. Fury

I do not own FFVII or any of its characters.

ABUSE TRIGGER WARNING

* * *

"Loz, quit crying," snaps Kadaj distractedly. He glares at his friend before going on his tiptoes in search of their newly arrived companion.

Loz sniffles and scrubs at his nose.

"I can't help it," he whines irritated. "If Yazoo doesn't get here soon, we're going to be frickin' late!"

"We won't be," reassures the younger child while noting his classmate's language. Loz must have spent the weekend rocket building with his father again. Bad words always lace his vocabulary when he does.

Loz curses and crosses his arms.

"We've been late before. I don't get yelled at," the stocky child grumps.

"Quit being a worrywart," hisses the other boy," and help me find 'Zoo."

Loz quits his grumbling in order to aid his friend. Waiting for Yazoo has become a ritual. The three of them always enter class together. Kadaj insists upon it.

The boys find their companion's mother first, a colorful blue in the cloud of conservative. Yuffie Kisaragi, The White Rose of Wutai, leaves a mark wherever she goes. A defected princess of a conquered country, she now holds court amongst the homemakers of Shinra. She and her son make quite the odd pair.

While she twirls and swings her son's hand around enthusiastically, Yazoo looks at everything with dispassionate eyes. When he spots Kadaj and Loz, he lifts a lazy hand in greeting. Yazoo's mother stops before the school gates and with a declaration of love and a kiss on the head, drops her oldest child off. Kadaj tries to keep his jealously from smothering him.

"Your mom's weird," Kadaj comments while wishing his own mother would do the same to him.

The other boy shrugs his shoulder."She gives me candy," he replies as if that alone is reason to forgive his mother of anything.

"We're gonna be late!" Loz cuts in, grabbing his friends' hands and pulling them into a run. "We gotta go now."

They arrive just in time to avoid a scolding. Quietly, they slip into lines and blend into the sea of silver that fills their class. They are the J-class, with the exception of Kadaj, all products of the J-Project.

The "designer" babies of the elite, they are all within 3 years of each other, from preteen to Kadaj- he is the last. After homeroom, they will split into smaller, more age appropriate classes. Every morning, they are tested and observed by Shinra scientists, one of the terms of a J-child contract. It was the trade off for the chance to give their children superior genes. Sometimes, Kadaj catches the researchers looking his way, but they never go up to him. He stands there awkwardly as his schoolmates go through their routine tests. Then, they walk into their next class together.

Though Kadaj should be in a lower grade, he has always been with Yazoo and Loz. The teachers say it is because he is advanced for his age. Kadaj has never thought of questioning them.

Class begins and everything is as it always is, until Yazoo passes a note. The younger child takes it up secretly, careful not to alert any instructors. His dad's been short with him so much lately; he can't afford getting in trouble at school. He giggles at the picture of their teacher, and then he reads the bottom:

There's going to be another Nibleheim conference soon. Are you going?

Kadaj examines the question carefully. The Nibleheim conference is rarely talked about in his family. His dad refuses to talk about it at all and his mother is not around enough to ask. Kadaj himself does not know what happened, but the pink scar on his chest always furrows his father's brow. Today, though, he'll get answers.

Dinner for two. That is all it has been since Aerith walked out. Zack and Kadaj sit on opposite sides, her absence barely missed. She has been gone too long.

Kadaj pushes his food around his plate, a sigh on his lips and a nervous glance at his father after every bite. Zack notices the strange behavior and chalks it up to teenage hormones. His son has become hard to read as of late. Aerith used to do the same thing, too. He remembers when she asked to go back to work. It pains Zack when his child shows remnants of his lost wife.

"You've been awfully quiet lately. You got something on your mind, kiddo?"

"Tomorrow's my day with Uncle. I'm just excited," Kadaj, pouts with a look.

Zack tries not to scowl. Over the years, Kadaj has begun to lean more and more on his uncle. The 2ND would be lying if he said it did not bother him. Despite his best efforts, his own relationship with Kadaj is growing only more and more distant.

"You ready to leave me already? I just got to you back, kid," Zack responds, trying his best not make the remark sound like a guilt trip.

Kadaj frets, biting his lips in nervousness. "No, I just…"

The SOLDIER laughs at his son's discomfort and reaches over to ruffle his hair.

"Aw buddy; I was jes messing with ya. No need for the serious face."

After dessert, the question finally comes, right before Zack gets up to clear his plate.

"Dad?"

"Yeah, sport?"

Zack frowns when he sees Kadaj glaring at his own food.

"Do you think…" his son begins nervously, "do you think that I could come to Nibleheim this year?"

The 2ND begins to shake his head. It has been so many years since Kadaj has asked. Who put the idea back into his baby bird's head?

"No I don't think so-,"the man starts to refuse but his child cuts him off.

"Everybody gets to go but me!"

Zack's eyes subconsciously flick to the scar on the boy's chest. In response, Kadaj rips his body out of his father's gaze.

"Stop looking at it! It doesn't even hurt!"

"Kadaj…"

"You won't even tell me where it's from!"

"Kadaj!"

"I WANNA GO!" the child screeches with abandon. It is reminiscent of his preschool days. Sephiroth's training has tamped down some of the boy's fire, but Zack has never been fully able to rein in his son.

"Kadaj, when you're older you can go. There are monsters out there! You've already been hurt once!"

"I'm nine and Uncle's been teaching me to fight since I was 5! I'm better than the new recruits are. He even said so!"

Regardless of Sephiroth's praise, Zack's answer remains constant.

"I said 'NO," the man growls, trying to assert his authority.

Kadaj huffs before slamming back into his chair. "I bet Uncle would let me go."

For some reason, the comment makes Zack see red, perhaps, it the idea that the silver haired man WOULD undermine him if the older man was not so noble. Sephiroth's parental authority has always been a sore spot. Zack can hear the words but it is like there is a filter.

"Your uncle is NOT your father, Kadaj. I AM and what I say goes!" the SOLDIER rumbles in a tone that makes Kadaj shrink back.

Blood pulses at Zack's temples, making anything other than his rage hard to hear. His heartbeat, however, is not loud enough to drown out Kadaj's response.

"I wish you weren't."

Everything freezes in the room as the words sink in. Unbeknownst to him, Zack's look becomes more dangerous. Kadaj squirms as his father's too calm voice floats over to him.

"What was that?" Zack hisses, the words hurting and fueling him at the same time."What did you just say?'

Kadaj won't back down. He has gotten himself worked up and once his temper rises, it becomes an uncontrollable avalanche.

"I wish Sephiroth was my dad. You've been a crap dad since Mom left!"

"Kadaj," Zack warns and looms ever so precariously close.

"No, it's true. You should just let me go live with him! I don't even look like you! I bet he's my real dad and you're keeping it from me!"

Zack has Kadaj by the collar before he realizes his violence. His hand is raised to strike- a pose he remembers all too well as a boy and yet, he is too angry to bring it down.

Bringing his eyes level with his now scared son, Zack's face is a hard wall of hurt and rage.

"I am your real dad, Kadaj. It doesn't get realer than me. Spent months on top of your Ma to get her with you. If Seph was your dad, you'd be knee deep in needles and six feet under Hojo's gaze."

Kadaj shakes his head as if to deny his father's words. Zacks grips him a little harder.

"Your Ma didn't have the decency to keep her legs shut. And then, she runs away like we don't matter, not one lick. I tried for you, Kadaj. I tried hard, knowing I'd done you wrong, but if this is how you're going to treat me...," Zack continues though he knows he has said too much and gone too far. A childish part of him wants to hurt his son as the child has hurt him.

"… then no son at all would be better than a son like you."

The words are not even true but he cannot stop the anger from vomiting them out.

The child stammers and shrieks back into himself. He has never seen his father this way and it scares him. He can't help the sob that escapes him. The situation is too much like the old days with his mother.

As the rage fades away, Zack lets go of his grip on Kadaj, allowing the boy to slide to the floor in a mess. The child's erratic sobbing fills the room.

Heaving as he tries to calm himself down, the black haired man's voice comes out harsher than he intends.

"Angeal will be here to pick you up tomorrow. We'll talk when I come back from my mission."

"But, I thought Uncle…"

"TO YOUR ROOM!" the SOLDIER roars, and he swears he hears glasses rattle.

Kadaj scrambles to his feet with a hurt look and he is gone with the slam of a door.

Zack sighs in defeat once he hears the sound of one of his son's rages. They had been doing so well. He had been trying so hard. He is becoming more and more like his old man and the thought terrifies Zack. The man considers apologizing, but it is late by the time he gathers his courage. The 2ND deploys for a mission tomorrow and it is already late. He will make the calls he needs to. Once he gets back, he can apologize.


	22. Rage

I don't own FFVII or any of its characters.

* * *

When he checks on Kadaj and finds his room empty, Zack grits his teeth against the knowledge of where his son probably is. As if the child's words at dinner were not painful enough. Now, the SOLDIER must deal with the idea that his only child has run off to the man Zack envies most. The 2ND swears fluently for a few moments before scrubbing a hand across his face.

He does not have time for Kadaj's antics. His mission starts in less than 2 hours. Sighing, Zack pulls out his PHS and bites back the urge for a hard drink. The phone rings twice before Sephiroth's smug voice transmits over.

"Kadaj is with me. I'll send him home after breakfast."

Zack gnaws on a nail to keep from verbally lashing out. He should have known Sephiroth would be a usurper. A vindictive part of Zack has always regretted letting the man into the picture.

The silence begins to unnerve the other man and the General hesitantly asks, "Zack, are you alright?"

"You're always the hero, aren't you Seph?" Zack hisses, fire burning through his veins.

"Zack…"

"You always got to come and clean me my messes up, dontcha? Got to fix things that don't need fixin'."

"Zack he showed up at my door this morning in tears. What was I supposed to do?"

"Do you get off on it, Seph? Turning my son against me and playing the good cop anytime something goes wrong. Does it make you feel like a good person, a human? Like you ain't the Demon of Wutai? Like you ain't that monster underneath that human skin?

"Look, Zack, if you want to ta-"

"You're done with him," Zack seethes. A crack forms on his phone as he bites out the words. "I don't know what you whispered in that boy's ears but you're done with him."

""Wait a minute, Zac-"

The 2ND is too angry to listen.

"No right, Sephiroth," foams the younger man without listening. "You had no right to put them kind of ideas in that boy's head. I coulda kept you out. I shoulda kept you out. You just couldn't play your part, could you? Is this some kind of revenge? You couldn't get Aerith, so you take my son?"

"Zack, I haven't done anything you haven't wanted," Sephiroth carefully replies.

"LIKE HELL YOU HAVE!" roars Zack. "He is my son, Sephiroth! My son! You got that? I don't matter that Aerith opened her legs for you. I planted that seed. KADAJ IS MY CHILD!"

There is a sharp intake of breath before Zack's voice floats back in.

"I want you out of his life and I mean it, Sephiroth. You don't come calling. You don't come visiting. You don't so much as take a sideways glance at him! Your days of playing the perfect parent are over! You send that boy to Angeal's and don't damn ever look back"

The click on Zack's side is harsh and violent, leaving the white haired man gazing at his phone in confusion.

A snuffle from behind alerts Sephiroth to Kadaj's presence. The older man winces to think of how much the child might have heard. The General schools his expression and steels his voice before turning towards his guest.

"You'll tell me everything, Kadaj, and by Gaia, child, it had better be truth."


	23. Time

I don't own FFVII or any of its characters.

* * *

"Fair, keep your head out of the clouds!" snaps Commander Rhapsodos at his inattentive 2ND.

"We can't afford it here, not with these guerillas breathing down our neck. You've got men depending on you, Fair, so you'd better keep your damn head straight."

"Yessir," Zack answers mechanically.

Eyeing his troubled subordinate, Genesis relents.

"Your domestic issues don't belong here. Just stay on task, Brigadier General. You'll take the south as we've discussed."

Zack snaps out a salute and turns to leave. Genesis rests a hand upon his shoulder.

"Zack," the older man warns, "out here, a distracted man is a dead man. You do what you have to do so we can all get out of here. You keep your mind on what you got to do, so you can get home safe."

Zack nods patiently.

"Sir."

Genesis rakes eyes over his soldier again before shaking his head.

"Dismissed, Fair. Come back in one piece."

* * *

The jungle is dense and sweltering despite the tall trees that block most of the sun. Zack's eyes scan the treetops and his ears strain for the sound of snapping twigs. The silence makes him wary. The absence of noise means that the rebels are GOOD and that already makes this volatile mission even more dangerous. An ambush could come at any moment, Genesis was right to chastise. Make it home alive that is Zack ever prays for when deployed.

He has never liked the battlefield, the playground of Shinra's killers and sadists. Zack has always preferred the safety and dullness of office work, but his 2ND CLASS status sometimes means deployment when the appropriate 1ST cannot be had. He will never be a 1ST and Zack is glad of it. They are never home as of late and Zack has Kadaj to think of.

Kadaj.

Zack stumbles at the thought. He had been so angry, so cruel. Ghosts of his father had shone through then, ugly and mean as ever. He still does not know what possessed him that night, what made him turn nasty and unrelenting. Kadaj must be hurt. And, Zack knows that Kadaj does not hurt like other children do. His child's demons are not the same as his own were. He hopes Angeal can cope. The 2ND sighs. He must not get distracted. It is true. On the battlefield, daydreams can mean death. The soldier shakes his head to clear his mind, but still the thoughts go round and round in a forbidden loop.

Zack dodges a bullet as it comes whistling past, signaling to his men to take action. Everyone comes to alert, eyes straining for the slightest hint of the enemy.

They are near the end of the jungle when things relax. Without the camouflage provided by trees, the rebels will not be so bold. Still, they crouch wary, advancing deeper and deeper out of the jungle. As the leader, Zack, huddles in the middle, his thoughts still focused on his home life.

They will work things out, he and Kadaj, once he gets back. Zack uses this thought to reassure himself. There will be time. They will take things slow and heal the festering that has been eating at their relationship. Maybe…even get counseling if that is what they need. There will be time Zack nods to himself as his troop nears the very end of the jungle. There will be-

A sense of stillness washes over Zack as he gazes at the bullet wound in his torso.

"Distracted," he mutters to himself.

Red spreads across his chest as his thoughts become thin and panicked. The SOLDIER returns fire through his dimming gaze and barks out orders to his subordinates. The rebel's bullets should not be doing this much damage to a mako enhanced body. They need to act fast. Fight. Destroy. But most of all, LIVE. he commands as he drops to his knees. A soldier fires into a tree and then all hell breaks loose.

A child crashes down from the treetops, dead, right where Zack had sent his bullet. A gun falls to a clatter on top of the boy and Zack swears between his teeth. Little older than Kadaj and not much bigger, when did they start sending babies into war? Zack's eyes water as his legs give out. Gaia, but this world is evil. It is evil and now there might not be anyone to protect his son from it.

Zack's body coughs up blood as if in agreement and he crashes ungraciously down into the foliage. He gasps and sobs a mouthful of blood. His attacker shot straight through his CURE materia. He is not sure if he can hang on long enough for someone to help him.

"Time, time, time," he mumble weeps to himself. They were supposed to have time. Sorry pours out of the wounded man's mouth at the same pace as the blood from his wound. He is sorry, Kadaj. Sorry for being angry. Sorry for being weak. And most of all, sorry for leaving him, his son, to this terrible world.

Zack tell himself that his words will carry through on the wind to his fragile boy. Another cough wracks him and another bullet makes its mark. Shakily, Zack crawls for cover, grasping for breath and bleeding hard. He takes out a picture and kisses it with bloody lips before pressing it tightly to the bleeding wound over his heart. His eyes close. His breathing slows. His thoughts become harder to grasp. Half-lidded, Zack stares up at the trees praying that no more children fall. Footsteps crash all around him as his soldiers engage the enemy. Some fall and some fell others. Zack blocks them out; he does not need to hear it.

"I love you," Zack groans out into stifling air, pressing the picture tighter into his injury. A firefight explodes around him as Shinra and the rebels continue to clash. No one looks his way. There is no time for empathy when there is war. Zack tries to take in air, the action becoming a vain pursuit. He instead plasters a smile onto his face. If Shinra should find him before he is rot and bones, let his son think he died gently. Gently, gently, gently, with time he could have learnt how to raise that hurting boy of his gently. A fallen soldier usually cries out for his mother, but Zack weeps only for his son. With another groan, Zack's eyes slide shut and on the hard jungle ground, Kadaj lingers in the tears of his dying face.


	24. Limitations

I do not own FFVII or any of its characters.

* * *

It is rare that there is a commotion in Hojo's Labs. Even rarer still that one should occur in the biology wing, Aerith's section. As the sound get closer, she can make out screaming. Aerith wanders out of her lab out of curiosity. The sight of a flustered Angeal and her son screaming as if possessed greets her.

The researcher barely has time to react before Zack's mentor dumps her twitching, writhing child before her. Aerith is horrified but finds it in her to drag the both of them into her office before they draw any more attention.

* * *

With the door closed, Aerith whips around on her visitors.

"What happened?" She near shrieks, almost hysterical at the scene and what could have caused it. With the way Kadaj is behaving, Aerith is worried it may be Jenova. "I thought he was doing better."

"Zack's platoon has gone missing," Angeal grunts as he continues to restrain Kadaj.

"Missing?" Aerith repeats. "Is he okay?"

Angeal presses Kadaj's hands to himself after the child lets out a frightful shriek. The SOLDIER struggles with the boy before turning solemn eyes at Aerith.

"There is a rescue mission in place."

She does not like the vagueness of the reply, but Aerith holds her tongue in politeness. Instead, she turns to her son, distraught at the sight of him.

It has been a long time since she has seen him. It is shaming how much he has grown without her care. Kadaj has calmed down into a sobbing mess. He shakes with each breath. Gingerly, Aerith reaches out to him. She pretends not to be hurt when she is wildly shrugged off.

"Why did you bring him here?" her voice asks, tight with hurt caution. "I thought you knew the situation."

"There isn't anyone else, Aerith," Angeals grunts, still struggling.

"Sephiroth is debriefing and preparing to leave as we speak. Genesis is out there, Gaia knows where, with Zack. I have to go back and play clean up. Kadaj just a pitched a fit to rival all fits, and it has brought unwanted attention. You are the last person I would leave him with, but there is literally no one else I can trust right now. He had better be in one place when someone comes back for him."

Aerith anxiety climbs higher, higher past the hurt that Angeal's comments inflict. Of course, she wants to be there. Of course, she wants to mother her son, but JENOVA…

She clutches at Angeal, her tone panicked and urgent.

"You can't leave me alone with him," she hisses, terrified.

JENOVA. The monster could take over at any moment and kill her baby.

"I wouldn't if I could," Angeal snarls back. "You were very much the last person I came to."

"No," the woman shrieks as the SOLDIER shakes her off. "You don't understand. I can't … I can't be alone with him."

She cannot be alone with Kadaj. She wishes someone would understand this. She wishes that someone would see this, without condemning her as a mother or woman. She is trying to keep him safe. She is trying to keep him alive.

"I don't have time for this. Gaia, Aerith, he is your son. For once, do right by him!"

Angeal does not understand; no one does. They are putting Kadaj in danger and will blame Aerith when all things go to hell.

The door slams shut after the FIRST, leaving two people wailing behind him.

* * *

Aerith stares at Kadaj once the initial fog of hysteria fades. Her son is frightening and foreign to her, weeping in the corner. Though they have visits, Jenova has made it hard to know her child as a mother should. Aerith can feel the entity coiled to strike, lurking beneath her skin, a predator. With a whimper, she warily draws near Kadaj.

A seam seems to burst as she approaches. The calm tears from earlier escalate into hyperventilating sobs as the boy stares at the door and then at Aerith in panic. It is as if the boy is just as afraid of his emotions as he is his mother.

Aghast, Aerith remains still. She watches as his movements become more frantic, his body less controlled. Kadaj pulls at his hair, cobwebs strands between his fingers, but he does not move. Aerith hears him mutter, "Must be brave" continuously under his breath.

Aerith approaches him when Kadaj takes his nails to his face, dragging blunt weapons across his skin. He looks haunted, as if he is somewhere, someone else. Without thinking Aerith, reaches to still her child's hands only to have Kadaj slam into her grasp.

"I'm sorry, Mama," the child wails into her white coat. "I'm sorry that I can't be braver."

No. To her horror, Aerith feels Jenova rear up at her son's touch.

Pushing her child away, she acts quickly and desperately. She cannot stay here. She **will** hurt him. The woman does her best to ignore her child's renewed, frustrated tears. Someone else she thinks quickly. Someone else has to watch him. But not in his current state.

Rummaging through her drawers, she finds her supply of sedatives and approaches her shocked son. A sick feeling washes through her as she contemplates what she is about to do, but she steels herself. This is the best she can do. It is terrible, but it is the best thing she can do. This should keep him under long enough for Angeal or Sephiroth to come back.

"What's that?" Kadaj hiccups."What're you going to do?"

Her little boy jerks away from her. Aerith snatches his arm up, careful not to look into his betrayed face. Her fingers tremble as she slides the needle into the child's skin. Her own repressed memories try to jump out and wash her away. She shushes Kadaj's frightful cries as she shakes her head to clear the voice whispering to inject more. When she ignores it, the grip on Kadaj's arm becomes dangerous, threatening to break bone and baby flesh.

Aerith physically fights her hand to tear it away, banging it onto a table until the beast backs down. She cradles her hand and backs away from Kadaj in dismay. She needs to be out of here.

"More than one would kill him," she rages at the pressure sliding into her consciousness.

"I know," comes the smug reply.

Aerith recoils, slamming into the door and next to her intercom. She needs out. She needs to be away from him. She pages her most trustworthy intern.

"Yes, Dr. Fair?" crackles the voice on the other line.

"I need you to watch someone for me."

"You need only ask," the young scientist, replies, eager to please a higher up.

"Thank you."

She watches as Kadaj slumps down to floor. She barely registers it when the door behind her slides open. Her eyes slide wildly to the intern she has called before she schools herself.

"Get him on the examination table," she bites out. "Text me if Hewley or the General shows up".

Then she is gone.

* * *

She spends her time crying in a utility closet, angry and ashamed of herself. Why, why, why can't she love him like how mothers do? It is not normal, she is not normal. Dully, she realizes the spread of Jenova across her brain. A rage overtakes her, anger at this being that keeps her from her son.

Jenova smirks at her livid state.

"I was so close," she purrs, running a clawed hand through Aerith's hair." Why in the Universe did you stop me?"

Aerith slaps at the violating hand but there is little strength in her spiritual form. It has always been weak, always been open; a fact that Jenova likes to taunt her with.

"Get out," the woman hisses clenching spirit hands around her captor's throat.

"But dear child, it was you who let me in!" Jenova cackles beneath the choking grip.

"If I had of known what you were, I would have broken those vials and ripped you out of my skin."

The Calamity's eyes narrow.

"You act as if I have no right to this life or to your child. When really it is the other way around. Have I not saved you? Have I not saved him?"

Aerith grits her teeth. "I would have rather of died. I would have rather of died than let you near my son. "

"Even if you did, that child would have been lost. How many children did you lose with that human of yours, girl? How many years did you cry to the Goddess about that womb that lay barren? It was I who answered that call."

"No…" Aerith cries, unwilling to look her tormentor in the eyes. No, the idea had been hers after thoroughly researching the J-project…

"Foolish child, do you really think that you possess enough **will** that the idea was yours and yours alone?"

Jenova laughs wickedly as Aerith shrinks back.

"Little girl, you are but a puppet. You do not even know where your will ends and mine begins."

"No, you're wrong…" Aerith pleads, but inside she wonders. "I wanted Kadaj…"

"Did you?" questions the monster with a leer. "How convenient that I need an avatar at the same time.

"But if you needed him...?"

Aerith is surprised the by the rage that answers her.

"'Needed' is the word. I took a gamble on your cells when those other children would not do. The wrong ones proved true. That child is useless to me."

"That's no reason to get rid of him! He's just a little boy."

"Oh but he isn't," slides Jenova secretive and dark. "That child is no more human than you or I."

"He isn't a threat, Jenova," Aerith entreats, "He's still just a little boy, a baby."

"But he is a threat, Aerith, a dangerous one at that. He is already stealing the affections of the one that loved us most dear and one day, **SHE** will whisper to him. I must be rid of him before then and one day, I will."

"What are you talking about?"

Green wisps of smoke curl around Aerith as Jenova loses her form.

"Your days, my dear, are numbered. Soon, I will walk this earth."

* * *

Without warning, Aerith is flung back into the case of her physical body. Crumpled against mops and brooms, she tries to right herself over the terror of her beating heart. She is consumed by a stretching fear, devoured by it. What can the witch mean? What will she do to her son? And Zack! If Zack is gone, who will watch after her baby boy? Who will look after her heart? She will crush if she gets him, crush into powdered dreams and cause only sorrow. She needs help. She needs it so desperately. Impotent, she burst into quiet sobs behind the closet door.


	25. Argue

I don't own FVII or any of its characters.

* * *

She does not know how long she has cried for. Her eyes burn and her throat is scratchy. It was a good move to choose this wing. People rarely come here. There is no one to see her disgrace.

Her PHS goes off and she pales as she reads the message before hastily scrambling up.

* * *

"You left," the accusation is heavy in Sephiroth's tone.

Aerith, spent and miserable, puffs up from his gaze. Her own eyes angry and hurt as she answers back.

"Angeal left me with him **alone**. What was I supposed to do?" she hisses irritated and tired of fighting against these people who **will not** understand.

Red rises to Sephiroth's pale face.

"Even so Aerith, you should not have drugged him. This is the Labs, for Gaia's sake!"

"He was pitching a fit, Seph. I couldn't leave him with someone in that state."

"You shouldn't have left him at all."

"I couldn't, Seph. I just could not stay near him. I-"

"He's your son, Aerith."

"And look what I did to him!? Go on, look! 5 minutes alone with him and I am already trying to break him bones! Is that what you want from me when you tell me he's my son? Is that what you all mean when you tell me he's my son? Because that is all that I can give him right now!"

"Aerith, you're being emotional," Sephiroth frowns at the outburst. He is not used to this passionate side of childhood companion.

"No, Seph. Just…," Aerith growls, ripping herself away from the man's reprimanding grip.

"I wanted to strangle him and break every bone in his body! Is that all right that I do? Would you prefer it if I did? I had to do something!" she cries, wanting him to understand, needing the man to understand where she is coming from.

"Like leave him drugged at the mercy of some unknown scientist?" the man seethes.

"My back was against the wall. I'm doing my best, I really am, Seph. Why can't any of you see that? Why can't you be here for me? I was there for you."

The General throws a hard look.

"You left me, Aerith. You left me for Zack with only a word, just a barely there letter. I was a Demon, the Demon of Wutai. What you ask of me is not something that you gave."

Aerith shakes her head, an almost mournful look on her face.

"You didn't want me, didn't need me."

"I lied," the General whispers in a voice so quiet that it may have been a sob. "I lied, Aerith."

"Of course you did," Aerith scoffs. "Haven't I always known you best?"

"Then why?" Hisses Sephiroth. This subject has haunted him for years. Its weight adds to his anger of Kadaj, he can fill his fist clench in tension.

"Because he gave me freedom when you would only tie me down. Your love was cruel then, Seph. You were cruel. Even you must have realized that much when you let me go. When you told me to go."

"And now?" the man croaks, almost afraid of the response.

"You are a different man now. Kadaj has changed you."

Sephiroth closes his eyes against the answer. Kadaj has changed you. **KADAJ**. Kadaj has changed you, not the titian girl before you, but that child. It is him that you should focus on. It is him that you should love best.

"Aerith-"

"No, I get it. I do. But please Sephiroth, understand me. Understand that I love him."

A pained look crosses the FIRST's face.

"How can I when you abuse the only thing that I want and cannot fully have."

Aerith shakes head, coming to stop angrily in front of her accuser.

"I don't want to abuse him. I don't want to keep hurting him. I want to be his mother. I want to love him, but I can't!"

"Aerith, he is your child. If you love him, then I cannot understa-"

"IT'S NOT ME!" Aerith screams, uncaring if her actions wakes her son. She is tired of this, so very tired.

"There is something else there. It is always there crawling, waiting. DO you have any idea how awful it is to see you child and want to **murder** him!?"

Sephiroth steps back at her outburst and in front of Kadaj as if to protect.

"I try to keep him safe the best way I can and all I get is judgment and disdain," Aerith cries passionately against the tall man. "I know I hurt him and I cannot change that but I want to. What have **they** done to help Kadaj? What have **you** done to help him?

Sephiroth flinches, unable to properly answer the question.

"And yet, you sit here and judge me. You judge me as though I am nothing but evil and I am all good. You hate with sneers on your face and think only terrible things of me. What am I supposed to do?" she questions weary and upset.

"What am I supposed to do, Seph? When everyone hates me and can only tear me down."

"I don't hate you, Aerith."

"Oh, but you do Sephiroth, you all do. That petty part of you will never let go," Aerith laughs darkly and near hysterically. Her laugh ends in a bitter bark.

"But I'll get help where I need it."

They are both stunned to find the FIRST's hand tight around Aerith's wrist. They have not touched so intimately since Kadaj's birth. The sensation is almost painful.

"From whom?" the General hisses, already suspecting the answer.

"Does it matter?" snaps the woman, breaking the hold with a sharp tug. "He's the only one who can help me."

Sephiroth scowls.

"He's the reason we both have problems."

"He's the reason I'm still alive today. And, he'll try to help me. I can't say the same of some of **you**."

"I don't trust him, Aerith."

"You don't have to. I'm not a little girl anymore. I won't let you or Zack control me any longer. This is my decision. This is the help that I am going to choose to get."

"There's Hollander and even Hewley, it does not have to be Hojo!"

"But Hojo's the best. I want my son back. I want …this gone," she explains, gesturing to herself. "If… Zack is gone… I am all that Kadaj will have. I **will** be there for him. I **will** make this right."

"Aerith…I wished you had of come to me," Sephiroth mourns, seeing the resolve in his former lover's eyes. "I wish that I was still someone you could have come to."

"Would you have listened?" Aerith queries softly, already knowing the answer. "After Nibelheim, would any one of you have listened?"

Sephiroth looks down then, suddenly not so bold, not so strong. What would he have done?

Not having a response, Sephiroth takes the still unconscious Kadaj into his arms. She is right. He is impotent. It is embarrassing how terrible he is at protecting the things he holds dear. A pain surges through him at how much he has failed Aerith, and yet a hope flickers that he may do better with Kadaj. He is indeed a changed man, and all of his energy lies with this small boy.

Slowly, Sephiroth turns to Aerith with an unreadable look on his face.

"I'll bring him home, Aerith," he says, though neither know if he means the boy in arms or the man missing from their lives. But, both know she does not need him.

Aerith nods her head in gratitude as the first tear slips by.

"Thank you," she whispers.

Kadaj does not stir.


	26. Fit

I don't own FVII or any of its characters.

* * *

Kadaj angrily swipes away a tear as he tries to concentrate on his homework. He has not been in school since the "incident". The fit he pitched has left the school wary and Angeal does not have the time to argue with administrators. Once they find his father, they will sort things out. His mother, oddly enough had tried to help, but her experiments and treatments have called her away too much to get anything done. She really is a lost cause and sometimes Kadaj hates her – She did drug him, after all.- but mostly he wishes that she would come back. He satisfies himself with her phone calls and infrequent visits. She is trying and Kadaj will treasure even that much. Recent events have made him all too aware of how easily things can be taken away. He could lose everything.

A whimper escapes him as the feeling gets too heavy. Fear. Thick, cloying asphyxiating fear. It lurks, hiding, clogging up his throat, and controlling his hands. Everyone always thinks he is angry, that he has a bad temper when he pitches a fit. But in truth, he is afraid; so very afraid and lonely. It scares him, this fear that he cannot flee. The thoughts tear at him and eat little pieces of his brain.

"They'l ofthemandyou' 're 'llneverbegoodenough," voices scream and jeer.

He thrashes to be away from them but only breaks his skin. A whimper escapes him as he succumbs and he swipes everything from the desk as if to escape; the words only crash upon him louder. He looks at the mess he has created. Angeal was right not to give anything too nice, he would only mess up and destroy it.

As a last ditch, Kadaj attempts to practice his katas like his Uncle taught him. If he can find his calm spot, he might weather this. If he can find his calm spot, he might be safe. It only takes one stray thought to wash him away.

"What if Uncle dies in the jungle, too?"

What if Kadaj is all alone? No Daddy, no Uncle. Just him and his mother who does not love him like he wants. He wishes he was better. He wishes he was good. He wishes that he was the perfect child so the people he loves would stop leaving. He wishes, he wishes, and he wishes.

And thus, Kadaj begins to drown.

* * *

"Kadaj."

Angeal finds the child gripping at his hair. Self-harm, the only constant in Kadaj's fits. It always begins with hair, always the child's unnatural hair. Angeal could curse every single J-cell.

"Kadaj," Angeal calls again to no response.

A keening sound, like a plea, breaks from the boy. Head bowed to the floor Kadaj sinks nails into his arms and holds himself tight. Another choked noise reaches the air as silver hair rocks to and fro.

"Kadaj," the SOLDIER tries for the third time, using contact.

The older man barely flinches as Kadaj's clawed hand grips at his arm, fighting and struggling to break the 1ST's hold. The child is a constant pendulum. Rage, hurt, and tears trade places far too easily on the baby face. Eventually, Angeal restrains his ward out of love but mostly fear. He keeps his grip tight and secure, a wall for this child with none.

With a sigh, Angeal jerks the child down into a more comfortable hold, Kadaj kicking and screaming all the way down. His shrieks turn inhuman before cooling down into staccato cries. He is more like beast possessed than a child. It is a wretched sight for a wretched creature. Kadaj is no Zack. Angeal will not be able to slay any of this boy's demons.

Kadaj continues to lash out, sometimes at himself and sometimes at Angeal. The older man accepts it. It is not punishment enough for the things he has neglected. The man rocks the both of them from side to side. He is hurting, too. The Genesis he loved is gone.

"You're a good boy," the warrior murmurs against Kadaj's sob-streaked face.

"You're a good boy," he hisses, fighting to get through the storm that is the child within his arms.

They stay like that for minuteshoursdaysweeks. Finally, Kadaj becomes nothing but shudders and coughs. Angeal loosens his grip to allow the boy to wrap reedy arms around him. He wonders at how many times one can be a father without having a child. They break his heart, these boys of his. The son became the father and the father unto the son.

"Kadaj."

He has news for the child. He is not sure how Kadaj will take it.

"They found him, Kadaj. They found your father."

* * *

"They found him," Genesis sneers through the phone unlike anything Aerith has ever heard before. She ignores his tone. Dead or alive, she will have closure. It is all she can ask from the man who changed her life.

"They found him," her heart sings. Tears whisper on her cheeks and her resolution to Kadaj hardens.

"I'm ready now," she commands from the examination bed.

She is ready to be an adult, ready to push forward on her own decisions.

Hojo slips the needle in without hesitation.


	27. Sweetest Coma Again

I don't own FVII or any of its characters.

* * *

"_I'm doing better, Zack. I really am. I want to try again."_

* * *

He was 12 when he came. Twiggy-legged and fresh run away from his mama's arms. He was still a year too young, but Angeal had seen his potential and kept him on as his apprentice. It was the first time he'd ever had a real father-figure and it pleased Zack to peas.

* * *

He met **her** at 14, down in Shinra's labs. He'd just started his mako therapy and the sight of her face had made the queasy feeling go down. He'd smiled at her then. Wide and real charmingly like, just like he'd seen the older boys do. She had smiled back, all shy and coy. A scientist sternly guided her into a room and gave Zack an awful glare. He hadn't noticed though, he was thinking up pickup lines for the next time they met.

* * *

"Her name is Aerith," Kunsel had mumbled from over top his sandwich. "And, you'd best leave her alone."

Frowning Zack, eyes the other country boy knowing well what the warning means. But, he can't help himself, he has to know **her**.

"Why?" he pouts over his taters and gravy.

"She's Sephiroth's girl," his friend supplies as if it is all the reason in the world.

"I'll make her mine," Zack promises unfazed with a grin around his potatoes.

Kunsel is wise to not comment.

* * *

"Do you need help?" he beams from her doorway. He spent hours practicing his pose, so he knows it is just right.

Surprised, the girl blushes before looking away.

"I-If you'd like to," she stammers and Zack knows this is love just from hearing her voice.

"The name's Zack Fair, hero in training," he supplies chest puffed out and proud as a peacock.

"Aerith," the love of his life greets warmly back.

"I know," he smiles as he tilts his head to an appealing angle. "I've been waiting for you all my life."

The touch of her soft hand makes him resolve one thing. He'll put a ring on her finger til death do them part. Forever is the only way he could ever love her.

* * *

"You write him letters?"

It is curiosity and not the unusual jealousy that colors Zack's tone.

"I do," Aerith nods to her new friend. It is exciting this feeling of freedom. She has only ever really had Sephiroth and those he deems worthy. "It's a tradition. He says it keeps him sane. In Wutai, he sees such awful things."

Zack sucks in his cheek, thinking on her words.

Blushing, he leans closer. "D-do you think you could write me, too? They're gonna send me away soon and I think one would be awfully nice when I am lonely without you."

Aerith flushes, not exactly getting the gist of his words but feeling the intensity, too.

"I-I won't," she stammers.

"Why not?" Zack asks, hurt.

"Because I think you'll always understand me."

* * *

"You're into flowers?"

Aerith flushes, embarrassed by the question.

"I know it's foolish for a scientist like me to be into solely ornamental flo-"

"I think it's lovely."

"Really?"

"Yeah. "

"Hojo doesn't like it. There isn't really any scientific benefit to studying these kind of flowers. Sephiroth is usually the only one who humors me and that's usually when he feels like it."

"Will you teach me some then? I don't know a lot about 'em, but if it's you, I'll learn."

Her smile is precious and he finds that he wants to tend and grow it like a garden of his own.

"Sure."

* * *

"_I've done so many bad things, wrong things, but I love you."_

* * *

"You could love me if you gave me a chance," he pleads before his distraught friend. Blinking back tears, Zack chastises himself for trying to change things.

"Zack, I-" cries, the girl as the fresh tears drop.

"How can you know if we ain't even tried? He can't keep you locked up in his castle forever. He can't make you love him and only him alone. You're a person like everyone else and we all got needs.

"Zack, you don't understand. He could kill you. When we were younger…" she trails off not wanting to admit anything wrong about her precious Sephiroth.

"We'll keep it a secret, then. I don't need nobody else to know. I got you and that's all I need, all that a country boy like me could ever need. Just say yes, Aerith, and I'll treat you the best any man could."

Silence before a resigned sigh.

"We could try it I guess," she whispers, her voice uncertain.

The smile that springs to Zack's face could make coal shine diamond.

"I'd like that."

* * *

"_Today…was not a good day. I had a relapse, but I'm working through it. I'm not running away."_

* * *

"Today's not a good day," Aerith mumbles from the cradle of her arms. When she looks up, her eyes are not quite the green that Zack is used to.

"Do you want me to come back tomorrow?" he asks with a hint of worry.

"Tell me about Gongaga," she whispers. "I've never been anywhere but here and Nibleheim. I want to know more about the world you and Sephiroth see."

Zack speaks to her until she falls asleep.

* * *

The first kiss is everything and more than he had ever imagined, better than the bar girls, the shop girls, and even some Turks. He could drown in her lips if she allowed.

When they come apart, they share a mutual look and only one word.

"Wow."

* * *

"You don't have to be gentle," she reassures much to Zack's surprise.

In his imagination, Aerith is always so virginal and pure.

"Are you sure?" he asks again, hoping to keep his image.

"Don't be a hypocrite, Zack," she shushes as she wraps her arms around him.

Zack's body blushes in agreement.

"Well at least we'll both know what we're doing," he quips before learning Aerith's body anew.

* * *

"_Seph came today but if it was different. It was almost like it was before…"_

* * *

"I'm so sorry, Zack," she moans, miserable and uncertain on what do.

Zack pinches his hopefully only bruised nose, trying to stem the flow of blood.

"It ain't your fault," he answers as his girlfriend holds up a cloth to his bleeding nose.

"He was supposed to be deployed for one more week," Aerith whines as she tries to puzzle out what went wrong.

"It was probably Angeal. He hasn't been happy with what we've been doing. Don't suppose it helped much that Sephy caught us in the act either…"

* * *

"Sephiroth," Aerith pleads over a fast food meal, "at least try to be civil. Zack's a nice person."

"Good enough to have you in bed?" Sephiroth questions drily, his eyes boring into his younger companion.

Zack grits his teeth against flinch that Aerith gives.

"We don't have to go there," the trainee diverts while keeping his gaze locked with his rival. "I'm Aerith's friend and I'm here to stay."

Sephiroth looks at Zack coolly as though reassessing him, Zack quirks a brow when the look goes on for too long.

"There will be rules," the older man acquiesces after a particularly inflexible look from Aerith.

Zack slumps in his chair in relief.

"And you'll follow them, Trainee Zack, or by Gaia, I'll kill you," the SOLDIER hisses when he sees Zack's slight smile.

It is the start of a beautiful and turbulent friendship.

* * *

"I'm not ready, Zack"

And as much as he loves it and its potentials, Zack ultimately understands and knows his girlfriend's words are reality. They are both at fault he thinks stormily as Aerith weeps softly to herself. They are both at fault but it is mostly his as he wraps his young arms around her. He should have looked after her better. He should have been more careful with himself. He shudders when he thinks of what they will lose if they continue, but mostly he thinks on what they **will** lose if they don't.

"I understand," he croaks into Aerith's soft hair.

"I understand," he bawls, but neither of them likes it.

* * *

"…doesn't want me," she weeps from the depths of his shoulder.

Zack crumples the letter.

"I want you," he mumbles as he crashes their lips together.

* * *

There are tears on her face the next time he sees her writing a letter. She had come at him like a woman possessed and they'd tumbled to bed in her passions. He does not question what has brought her here. The darkness in her eyes makes him think better than to ask.

"89," she sighs, naked over his desk. Her lips tremble as she speaks.

"This will be the last one, the 89th letter of my love to him."

Zack nods without speech and rests his eyes on the ceiling as she writes. The scratching of pencil and the caught sobs cool the high of his ardor.

A week later, he puts a ring to her finger and they begin their happily ever after without **him**.

* * *

"_He misses you, Zack. He comes to visit every day." _

* * *

"I'm pregnant and it's viable."

This time the words are whispered with happy tears and they are ready. They have been trying, trying, trying for so long- Zack had thought that maybe they were being punished for the things they had done in their youth. He jumps for joy and swings her around before coming to himself and settling her gently down.

"When?" he grins looking eagerly at the grainy photo in her hands.

"May," she smiles and to Zack she has never looked more beautiful.

* * *

"I want… to… try…aga..in too," Zack croaks from dry lips and parched mouth.

His monitors beep with each breath. The tape on his eyelids keep his eyes shut and tube up his noise makes him seem vulnerable. Aerith falls in love with this man all over again. All over the man whom she broke and who broken her in return. She wants to love him again with the son they destroyed and piece back together the shattered slivers of their souls.

She whispers before she thinks; hope staining the voice of her reason. The sting of Hojo's needles has poisoned her with it.

"I want to try too."

It is the first time in a long time that she has said things in her true face.

* * *

"Daddy."

Zack opens gummed eyes to the only face he has wanted to see. He loves Aerith, but out there on the burning jungle floors and freezing prison walls, it had been Kadaj's face that had he prayed for. Kadaj's hand he had wanted to hold.

"K..id…do?"

"Yes Dad, it's me."

Sleep tugs at the wounded man, but he cannot rest. There are things he needs to say, things he needs to heal.

"Ka…daj," he rasps, voice dry from tubes and disuse, "I'm…so..rry."

Zack's eyes drift shut, slumber crowding out his will.

"We're… go…nna…be…alright," he mumbles, hand wrapped around his most precious thing. "We'll...g..et..to… ha…ppy…ever…aft..er…"


	28. Trust

I don't own FFVII or any of its characters.

* * *

"You've been watching him for hours," Zack smirks lazily from the doorway.

He is surprised when his wife turns to him with tears.

"I've missed so much," Aerith whispers, her eyes taking in all of the changes. "I feel so good to be able to just touch him."

With a sigh, she pulls her son's comforter up to his chin. Her fingers ache; he had been but a baby when she last did this.

"Zack, can we talk?"

* * *

Dread coils in the pit of Aerith's stomach. She had been so brave earlier, but now locked within the depths of her old bedroom with an expectant Zack; she finds her courage draining.

Minutes tick by, and the air becomes more oppressive with each click of clock's hand.

"Zack," Aerith exhales, slow and unprotected," I don't even know where to start."

Her husband's eyes burn with an unusual intensity. It has been too long and she is too close. The skin of his skin aches for her. His body twitches in need to relearn her.

"Tell me," Zack whispers in a voice long ago. Aerith tries not to shiver as his hand brushes her hair behind her shoulders.

"Tell me everything."

"I can't" Aerith swallows, unused to their proximity. "At least, not everything…"

"Please," the SOLDIER breathes into a quivering shoulder. "I want to know my wife."

"Even if it's an ugly part of me? A part that's hard to love?" his wife murmurs, eyes dark and shining.

"I've always loved all of you," Zack husks. "There's a chance I could love that Aerith too. Don't keep me in the dark, Aerith. I have to know if we're gonna work."

Aerith breaks down at his words, starved for the kindness they hold.

"He saved me," she cries, choking on the words. "He saved me but not really at all."

"Who?" Zack ghosts over the apple of Aerith's cheek. He has missed this, missed her.

Shaking her head, Aerith tries to separate herself from Zack's heady presence.

"No…"

The man gently pulls his wife back to him. He keeps his voice soothing and soft.

"Tell me, Aerith. Tell me who," he commands as gentle as a breeze.

The scientist's shoulders slump as she decides to give in.

"When I was small, Hojo began an experiment on me"

Zack opens his mouth to comment but finds a hand blocking him.

"It was to save me," Aerith explains. "Or at least, it was intended to. I would have died Zack. I would have died long before we ever met."

Zack nods his head in understanding. When she is satisfied his hackles have dropped, Aerith continues.

"He injected cells, J cells, into my body."

Aerith tries not to be hurt by the way Zack jerks back. Saucer wide eyes look at her in disbelief.

"Like Sephiroth!? You're like Seph?" The man exclaims while trying to study his spouse carefully.

"No," Aerith shakes head, "and yes."

A million questions swarm Zack's brain, all them wanting to slip out at once.

"You could have told me," he utters with a deep sense of betrayal. "You should have told me."

Aerith rushes to her knees, fears decades old dragging her down.

"I was afraid!" she pleas, hands gripped tight into the thighs before her. "I was afraid you would see a monster."

Zack wants to understand her. But the betrayal! Oh, for but the betrayal. Does he really know his wife? Does he really know this woman at all? How many secrets, how many lies has she hidden from him?

Another thought strikes him, one that slithers and provokes as it slides across his tongue. His son. His son. His son. What have her secrecies caused his child? Insecurity and fear wind their way up his heart as he considers the possibility that Kadaj is **not** his.

"Is he mine, Aerith?" he gasps, with eyes filled with hurt and desperation. "Is Kadaj mine?"

Zack feels her nails scrape into his jeans. His breath hollows out as the room bleeds into gray around the specter of his wife.

"Is he?" He once again croaks, not sure if he really wants an answer.

There is a pause, a beat of breath before there is answer. Light streaks dance upon the area where Aerith's nail once rested.

"He is yours, Zack."

And, the room comes to color again.

"Is he human?" Zack presses, the urgency surprising even him.

Aerith still does not meet his eyes, her face buried in his lap. Is she trying to keep secrets there, in the space between his thighs?

He is what you will him to be," the woman whispers over his caught knees.

"That doesn't answer my question!" Zack snaps, irritated and bothered by the promise of his son's inhumanity.

"Aerith's eyes snap up to him then, haunted and exigent. Her stare could be emerald as it cuts into Zack deep.

"He is as human as I or Sephiroth," she whispers as if distracted. "A little less human than all those babies you wanted that I couldn't keep."

Looking at his wife's stricken face, Zack quells his anger. He had wanted things to work. She has given him a second chance and he told her he would listen.

"I'm sorry, Ae-"

"If we could go back and I told you everything. Would you have wanted me knowing I wasn't human?"

"I would," Zack growls firmly, and in his heart he knows it to be true.

"Would you have counted all 10 toes and held Kadaj so gently if you knew his blood came from an unearthly place?"

"I would," the SOLDIER once again affirms.

"Then why does it matter?"

Why **does** it matter? Zack thinks furiously on the answer. He has loved them without knowing. Why should it be harder to love them now that he knows?

"It just **does**," he whispers, not knowing why."But even so, I don't think I could stop loving you."

Aerith rises to her feet and comes to cradle Zack's face in a gentle hold. Her beauty strikes him, and in this moment, he cannot breathe. She looks at him then. Just looks at him and Zack is afraid to know what she sees.

"I wish I could trust you," she sinks with a forlorn look.

Her lips quiver as they brush past Zack's own.

"I wish I could tell you everything," She breathes lightly, her air drying the skin of Zack's mouth.

There is barely notice when Zack flips her onto the mattress. His hand runs up her thigh. It is the same skin; the same thigh he has loved a thousand times over.

"In time you might," he husks, peeling back buttons of unwanted clothing.

"Give me your secrets and I'll keep them safe," he kisses at the hollow of her throat.

"I can't."

The shake of her head moves his questing mouth lower.

"I'll convince you, Aerith," he says with a halo of light. If but men could be angels!

"And when I do, I'll learn you so right that we won't know where we begin and end."

He kisses her and her body succumbs to his needing touch. Later, when her eyes turn greener and darker than he knows, Zack presses himself harder and deeper into her throes. He **will **lovelearn his wife again. However, this time, he will learn **all** of her. No secrets from now, no secrets forever.


	29. Love

I do not own FFVII or any of its characters.

**AN**: This may come down in the future but I felt that I really had to get it out. Anyways, thanks for reading. Also, stick with me. I have a feeling some of you think I am going a certain way with this story. I can most certainly tell you I am not. This isn't going to turn into a happy family story just yet.

* * *

"_You won't make it to term if you don't do this."_

"_It's Zack's baby…"_

"_It won't be anyone's baby if you lose it. Do you want this child or not?"_

"_I do. I really do. It's just that-"_

"_Then, you'll do as I say."_

* * *

Aerith gasps awake to find her upper body pinned to the bed. She had meant to take a quick nap before getting back to the Labs. She had not realized that she was so tired. Gently, she blows wisps of white and moonlight away from her face. Kadaj. Instinctively, her arms curls tighter around the child snuggled against her. The boy wriggles at her movement, and with a sigh, buries his face deeper into his mother's scent.

The Labs can wait. She lifts her free arm to check her watch, fresh puncture wounds dot her skin. Jenova lies quiet and dormant somewhere. Hojo has done well; she is happy. She sighs a half sigh of contentment and motherhood. Her arm tucks Kadaj a little closer. The calm lulls Aerith back to sleep, her son's soft breath a lullaby.

* * *

"_I think Kadaj is good. It's a cool name."_

"_I still think Sora is much nicer."_

"_I'm not calling my kid 'Sky'!"_

_A light laugh. "And 'incomplete' is better?"_

"_It's the sound that counts, not the meaning."_

"_Hypocrite."_

"_ you what. If it's a girl, you name her anything you like. Honest."_

"_Even Xion?"_

"_Aerith…!"_

* * *

She stirs awake with Kadaj's movements.

"I have to go to school," he whispers from the cradle of her arms.

He should never have left. She should never have let him escape from the space beneath her heart. Reluctantly, she lets him go as she has let him go countless times before. She is careful when she asks. Her absence has made her son's heart glass; the slightest of looks break him.

"I'll walk you," she offers with a little bit of hope and a slight tilt of lips.

Kadaj nods as if uncertain and unsure of her words. He has not quite come to terms with his mother's permanence yet. But, Aerith does not miss the skip to his step nor how he rushes with a smile. She smoothes down the rumples of her coat and shakes the tangles from her hair. Her mind wanders.

* * *

"_There was blood this morning…"_

"_You might be miscarrying. In a few-"_

"_I know."_

"_Really, child, you should consider what I told you."_

* * *

"I'm ready."

Kadaj runs to her, quick to grab her hand, and savoring her touch. The clinginess is welcoming, comforting even. Gaia knows she does not deserve any of his love.

* * *

"_I want him. I really do."_

"_You know what you have to do."_

" _I can't… It's too cold. I want him to be loved. I want him to be loved every single step of the way."_

"_Then it will be like all the others."_

* * *

It is chilly outside, Aerith shivers slightly in her lab coat. Kadaj huddles down into his pea coat. The tears he had cried already long forgotten. She was mild with him, but son's anxious heart often wins out. She clasps his pale hand a little tighter, she can never be sorry enough for all of her mistakes.

* * *

"_Kadaj."_

"_Kadaj?"_

"_That's his name."_

"_Think on what I said. How you managed to carry this far along is a miracle, but it won't be long before you start to reject the fetus."_

* * *

"Kadaj?"

The child blinks distracted eyes up at her. They are nearing his school and he selfishly does not want this moment to end. They have been too few.

"Yes, Mother?"

Mother. Is it a title she deserves? Her nerves tingle at the sound, her heart warming up in its presence. She stops and she hugs her son. She hugs him as tight as she can dare. His thin arms wrap around her, his cold cheek pressed against hers. They are safe in this little world.

"Kadaj, no matter what happens-what anybody says- I love you," she kisses into a pale cheek.

Her hands swipe away the child's crystalline tears.

"I love you, Kadaj and I have _**always**_ wanted _**you**_."

* * *

"_I'll do it."_


	30. Suspicion

I don't own FFVII or any of its characters.

* * *

"I thought I'd see Bahamut in here before I'd ever see you willing in my own personal lab. What could have possibly brought the great General to my humble office?"

"What are you plotting?" Sephiroth hisses from the entrance of Hojo's office.

"Plotting? My dear boy, whatever are you accusing me of?" shrugs the scientist as he fumbles with data and test tubes.

"I know you are up to something. What .are. you. planning?" th General growls as he stalks into the scientist's space.

Hojo smirks, oily and provoking. "Nothing that Aerith doesn't want. Nothing that she hasn't asked for.

Heat floods the SOLDIER as his anger rises.

"You'll tell or-"

"Or what?" Hojo sneers. "You'll kill me? Better the devil you know."

Sephiroth snarls at the taunt, his grasp on the researcher's shirt turning to choking.

"I wish I didn't know this devil at all."

Sephiroth throws the man away from him needing air.

"It eats at you, doesn't it?" the scientist snickers while straightening up. "That no matter how strong you become, I will always have the upper hand."

"If you hurt her," the younger man swallows, wanting to bring down the emotion caught in his throat, "I. .you."

"I will kill you and bring your damn Labs to ground," Sephiroth whispers with eyes so green his inhumanity is tangible.

The slits sharpen further at Hojo's snigger.

"Try me," Sephiroth warns.

"Protective are we? How terribly and unfailingly human of you," Hojo spits.

"I am human,"

"You are not, boy. Don't insult my work."

"I am as human as I choose to be."

The older man chuckles, shaking his head in exasperation.

"Gast ruined you with those human notions. I should have never have let you two out of the Labs. It was my mistake. My curiosity got the best of me. But for one thing, you have been failures in my eyes despite what my colleagues might say."

"What thing?"

"Oh, I think you know."

Sephiroth does not remember ripping the bolted table from the floor or slamming and dragging Hojo across the man's countertops, but he savors in the euphoric feeling that crushing the man's throat gives. When he is satisfied, he slumps the older man in the corner. He smirks as the man's toes dangle from the floor.

"You touch him and I swear I will be every bit the monster you created me to be."

Hojo laughs from crooked glasses and split lip.

"I look forward to it. I want to see what my greatest creation is capable of."

Sephiroth slams the scientist's head back into the cement wall. Guilt does not eat at him as he steps over the unconscious body.

* * *

She does not turn around to address the man who has been following her since she left the house.

"Are you going to follow me all the way to the Lab?"

Sephiroth steps closer after her acknowledgement. With quick steps, he comes before her.

"Aerith, we need to talk."

Aerith's eyes widen before she tries to dart around the older man. She does not want to deal with this.

"I can talk to him, but it **was** Zack's decision," she rushes as she tries to push by.

"That isn't what I came here for," Sephiroth corrects while gently grabbing the woman's elbow.

Aerith tries to shake off Sephiroth's grip, and looks away.

"I'm going to be late…"

His voice turns softer, his touch kinder.

"Please stop seeing Hojo."

Sepia memories spark upon his fingertips as he reaches for a lock of stray hair; Aerith moves her face to chase away the recollections.

"I can't and I won't," she cries passionately, angry that he is still trying to tell her what is best. "He's making me better, Seph. This is the first time in a long time that things are getting better and I won't let you take that away from me. "

Sephiroth's eyes grow a bit harder, his disapproval on clear display.

"He's plotting Aerith. I know he is."

Aerith attempts to jerk herself away again and she does not succeed, glares angrily back at her captor.

"I am not trying to take away anything, Aerith! " Sephiroth explains, his grip unrelenting. "I do not trust him. You don't seriously trust him?"

Aerith rolls her eyes and tries to pull away again.

"I'm finally getting to be a mother. After ten years, I am finally getting my time. And you want me to give it all away for some hunch you have? "

She is surprised by the growl she receives. It has been a long time since Sephiroth has been anxious for her. She has forgotten what his care is like.

"Aerith, I have been looking into things. He has something up his sleeve. That bastard would not do anything without gain."

Aerith huffs, wishing that she could break this hold and this conversation.

"We are not the same Sephiroth. I know you hate him but I don't. Yes, he's made mistakes. Yes, there been setbacks, but it is not the same. There is a chance he could be doing this because he cares."

"Off course," Sephiroth responds bitterly. "He's always had you too deep. You won't believe until you are ice cold on his dissection table will you?"

"I have to go. Seph, I have to go to work."

"What if I found you proof? If I found you proof, would you stop?"

The younger woman explodes at his words. In her anger, she stops her feet and remembers all the tantrums she has thrown at this man.

"You've never trusted him! You've never let me trust him. You're being biased, Seph, and you're trying to foist it off on me too."

Sephiroth answers with a closer grip. Their bodies almost touch as he pulls her forward. Desperation threads keenly through him, spurring his disregard for her space.

"Because I can't shake the feeling that we were always a means to an end. Yes, he has treated you better but that is not why I hate that man."

And, when she turns her eyes away from him, he cannot help taking her face in hand.

"Please, Aerith, listen to me."

"I can't. I want this," Aerith whimpers in the cradle of Sephiroth's hands. "He's helping me,". "Why won't you let me have this?"

"Aerith, I wish you would listen to me"

"I'm done listening to other people. I want to listen to myself for a change."

* * *

He sees them before they see him. His chest clenches at the sight they make, sauntering toward him as if they were his. Aerith and he, and baby makes three. He burns the image in to his eyes. Silver and Red, hand in hand, his seed and wife walking towards him-and only him. If he had of said the right words, this could have been his reality…

No. He did right and Aerith chose right. How many times will he have to repeat this before his stubborn heart understands?

Sephiroth lets the smile reach his eyes as he rushes to greet his nephew.

"Uncle," cheers Kadaj as he leaps toward s the man.

The little boy's grin is contagious and the General feels his own widen and become real.

"Kadaj," he cries, crushing the child as close he might. "I've missed you."

Kadaj squeezes his uncle a little tighter before confusion mars his features.

"Does Dad know about this?" he frowns at his mother.

Aerith shakes her head, a slight ripple of her hair and a twinkle to her eye. Her earthy gaze meets Sephiroth's eyes, and he remembers why he ever fell in love with her.

"It'll be our secret," the woman coos to her child. "Eventually Daddy will come around."

The SOLDIER focuses on Kadaj, his heart swelling in his chest over his former love's words.

"Come, Kadaj. You must have much to tell me. It has been a long time since we talked."

The white haired man cannot help how beautiful his smile becomes when Kadaj takes his hand and grabs his mother's as well. There, walking down a secluded parkway path, Sephiroth lives in a dream. There are small mercies after all.

* * *

"Thank you."

Aerith dips her head in acknowledgement, her eyes busy keeping watch over her son.

"No, thank you," she releases with a sigh. You've made him really happy. You've been good for him-good to him."

Sephiroth drinks in her image, a thousand regrets playing on his tongue.

"I'm sorry that I could not do the same for you."

His companion closes her eyes and grits her teeth with a quick toss of her head.

"Don't," she pleads, her emotions suddenly raw and out in the open. "I made my decision long ago."

The SOLDIER breaks into her space bubble, his scent and eyes washing over her in gentle waves.

"That isn't what I meant and you know it."

"Sephiroth," Aerith warns, unwilling to touch the subject.

"Have you considered what I said? You cannot trust him, Aerith."

Aerith barks out a harsh laugh. Kadaj is too close for a proper argument. His nerves fray too easily.

"Should I put my trust in you, the man who threw me away?"

Frustrated, Sephiroth growls lowly at the woman.

"I was trying to help you as I am trying to now. Must you bring up the past every time I attempt to help you?"

"I don't want it."

"Think of Kadaj," Sephiroth hisses, annoyed and scared for the family he cannot have.

"I am thinking of him. I am always thinking of him. Do not speak to me as if I don't,' Aerith seethes before turning her back on the General and making her way to Kadaj.

"What I don't understand is how Hojo could have you so far under his thumb," Sephiroth jeers at her retreating back.

A blur of brownish red whips around to face him. Sephiroth steps back. The angry look on her face flashes inhuman.

"Don't talk about things you don't understand."

"There are drugs, therapies, anything but Hojo!"

Aerith smiles ruefully at his naïve answers.

"They can't help me with this."

"Have you even tried," the older man snaps, irritated by her tone. "Does Zack know?"

"No,' Aerith whispers, shooting a meaningful glance at Kadaj, "and he doesn't need to know yet."

"You wouldn't."

"I would. Please don't test me."

Sephiroth's face is a wall of misery.

"Aerith, I want you safe."

She refuses his words with a meaningful shake.

"No you want KADAJ safe, but you could at least see me happy."

Stunned, Sephiroth stands rigid as Aerith gently comes to grip his hand. Her fingers float over his in a nostalgic dance. Once upon time, they fell asleep with their hands entwined. Sephiroth has always mourned not knowing the size of Aerith's ring finger.

"J cells, "she murmurs as a pale hand comes to cup her cheek. "I am suffering because I wanted to be with you. You said nothing then. Now that I am trying to end this torment, you have finally found your words? Excuse me if I am skeptical."

Sephiroth watches her lean into his touch. It is hard to believe that he once knew her body.

"We were children then. I did not know. If I had of known, I would have fought. I would have tried harder to save you from the things Hojo has done to you."

A wry smile greets his pained look.

"I know you want to help me. You always have. I know you think you are helping now, but there is a difference between helping and domineering; and you have never known that line."

"Aerith, all of the things I have done-"

"I know, Seph," she soothes. "I know, but just allow me the one thing I have never had from you."

"And what is that?"

"Confidence."

Sephiroth blinks at her accusation. He places a lock behind her ear and looks at how she has grown. He did not think he was smothering her, but then he has never been good with the complexities of human emotion. A small voice tells him to give her a chance. The voice that cries about losing her in the first place.

"I cannot back down, but I will respect you. Until I find proof, I will not question you like a child. There is just one thing I also must ask."

Aerith smiles at him. It is as soft and sweet as her lips used to be. Kadaj calls to them from his spot in the woods.

"Yes?"

"Keep him safe. Keep him loved."

Aerith turns in his grasp to face Kadaj. Huffing as he slams into her, she smiles at Sephiroth over the top of her son's silvery head.

"I'll do my best."

* * *

"Things are looking well," Hojo comments with a stethoscope to Aerith's chest. "Any voices or hallucinations?"

"No," Aerith answers with a slight turn of her head, "I have been doing really well so far.

The older scientist nods in approval.

"That's good it means the treatment is working."

"Yes, I suppose it is."

"You know the final procedure will have to been done in Nibelheim?"

Aerith nods her head twice while her eyes wander away.

Hojo moves to disconnect, her treatment having run its course. The woman's natural scent of flowers flows over his senses, the man is quick to be away from her. He is startled when he finds himself caught by the hand on his sleeve.

"Hojo?"

By Gaia, the green of the girl's eyes! They are so intense, more so than they have ever been. To see those alien eyes stare so clearly at him…

"How long?" forbidden lips quiver.

The body before him is but a sacrifice. She promises him the universe, and he has forsaken his daughter in return. He turns away and hides his flush with a cough.

"Professor," those same lips quirk as if a joke.

Her tangled fingers and pale skin make her look awkward and weak. Nevertheless, Hojo knows better- There is indeed a god inside that fragile body.

"Will you let me keep the boy?"

"We could have others…"

"Soon," he answers, and he shivers as indelicate fingers dance their way up his skin.


	31. Photographic Memories

I don't own FFVII or any of its characters.

* * *

Kisses on her shoulder bring Aerith to wakefulness. She turns around into a bare chest and presses her face into its masculine neck.

"It's too early…"

A low chuckle answers her plea. "But you're so lovely."

Aerith slaps at her husband sleepily only to find bold hands around her waist.

"Zack!"

The SOLDIER grins as he presses his body against her, all hard muscle and wanting spaces.

"I thought Kadaj could use another sibling," he husks, running his hand up and down delectable parts.

The soft body stiffens and the moment is lost. With a sigh and a groan of self-reproach, Zack lets his wife retreat.

"It was a joke," he mumbles over Aerith back and into her ear.

His fingers brush over her form in apology, she cringes when thy glide against her womb. It is now or never. No more secrets, they swore. Today she keeps a promise.

"I can't, Zack," she whispers, "I'm undergoing treatment. A fetus wouldn't survive."

A fetus would not survive anyway, but Zack does not need to know that.

The calming hands pause for a moment before Aerith is flipped onto her back. Blue eyes search her face; she meets them with her reluctant own.

"Treatment?" Zack queries. "For what?" "Since when?"

Aerith breathes deeply and reminds herself that she does not have to tell him everything. That she has told him something will have to be enough. She does not have the courage for the whole truth. Not for this man who did not grow up in the Labs or in the darkest bellies of Shinra's beast.

"For everything," she replies," So that I can stay here."

She explains it to him in terms he can understand, in a tone he can comprehend. I do this so I can stay here with _**you**_.

"Are you angry?" she tests, waiting for the sting of censure or disgust.

"What are they doing to you?" Zack murmurs with a too easy face. "Will you tell me?"

"Would you be mad if I told you 'no'…"

"I'm a country boy, Aerith. I don't know jack about the Labs and what they do. I have to trust you on this. Trust that you know what you're doing. Trust that one day, you'll tell me these things in your heart," the man shrugs with a too simple demeanor.

He does not know the Labs. For him there is no trepidation or mistrust. It makes her bitter and afraid to tell him all. It makes her ashamed that she must keep secrets.

"I'm so-"

Zack leans back over her, careful to align himself in all the right places. The blue to his eyes is intense.

"Let me trust you."

_**Don't tell me anymore than you can**_. Is what he really means. Zack falls into fairy tales too easily. This should not be enough. But. It. Is. And, that truth is ultimately **devastating.**

"I love you, "Aerith sighs, full of heartbreak.

"I know," Zack reassures back, unable to see even a single crack.

* * *

"How have you been?" Angel asks over his hot coffee.

"Good," Zack responds back as he heads into a conference room.

They are early and the room is empty. The 1ST decides to fill space with idle chat.

"And things at home?"

His subordinate smiles, all white teeth and domestic bliss.

"It's been good, Geal. Real good."

The older man nods, interested in the information. He had been skeptical when first told, had simply assumed the pair would continue their destructive cycle. It seems they have proved him wrong. He is glad of it.

"And, Kadaj? How is he doing?"

"He's alright. Still has his bad days, but he's a sight better than he was."

"That's good," Angeal agrees, sipping carefully at his coffee.

"How is Genesis?"

The 1ST freezes at the inquiry, unsure and unwilling to answer the suddenly intrusive question.

"He's still on leave. The things he went through, they take time to heal."

Zack accepts the response easily.

"Tell him I said hi next time you see him."

Angeal nods even though he does not know **when** he will speak to his lover again. Zack looks too happy for his mentor to disclose anything to the younger man. The SOLDIER snorts to himself at the idea. Perhaps that is Zack's greatest fault. People never have the heart to tell him anything .Angeal can **almost **understand Aerith –though still not like her – a little better as the other SOLDIERS file into the room and displace the awkward conversation.

* * *

"We're thinking about taking him to Nibelheim Conference this year," Zack casually states over a cafeteria sandwich.

Angeal quirks a brow.

"I had time to think…," the 2ND grumbles at the look, "being in a coma will do that that to you."

"To be fair, **Fair**, it **was** something you were adamantly against."

"Well, he's old enough and things are better now. We're better now. I figured maybe it's time I let go, time that I stopped letting the past hold me and mine back."

The older SOLDIER hums and snaps out a bite of Banora White-Genesis had gotten him into the habit.

"How does Aerith feel? Is she going too?"

"She didn't say much, just nodded her head yes. She'll be going but with her department instead. Still, we can meet up later. It's gonna be nice going as a family."

Angeal stares at his grinning former charge with a sense of relief. He dislikes Aerith but Zack seems to need her like air. It is hard to believe that this jovial creature before him is the same man who writhed in booze and malevolence a few months before.

"She's good for me, 'Geal."

"I know," Angeal agrees hoping that the statement remains true.

* * *

"Mother," Kadaj whispers from the edge of the couch.

Aerith blinks blearily and looks at her watch. She does not remember leaving the Lab or even failing asleep. She must have been tired. Perhaps, Hojo's treatments are taking more of a toll than she has realized.

"Are you mad at me for waking you?" Kadaj's lips quiver at the tail end of his question.

Eggshells - It is always eggshells with him.

"No, "she reassures, bringing the tense little body into her embrace, "I was just startled."

"You weren't speaking," her son quivers against her lab coated shoulder, emotionally wound up and poised to meltdown. "I was worried."

"Work through it," Aerith presses as Kadaj releases a harsh sound.

Thank Gaia she talked to Sephiroth about how to deal with these situations. Her hand brushes through argent hair until the boy's quaking calms. No one can calm her son as fast as she can and that makes her absence even more disgusting.

"Sorry," Kadaj mumbles,"I can't control it."

Aerith leans back into the sofa taking her son with her. She cannot help but feel that **she** did this, that **she** created this situation in her boy. She gave him nowhere to go and left him with a man who cannot understand dark things; even if it was in the name of peace. For every action, there must be a reaction; but why must the fallout be so steep?

"Was it hard without me?"

Kadaj shudders as emotion overwhelms him. "I didn't like it."

"Were you angry? Sad?" She needs to know, wants to know. She could not think of these things at the time but they have always eaten her alive.

The little head nods against her shoulder. A tear runs a dark line down her shirt.

"Was it my fault?"

"No!" she cries, pressing Kadaj closer to her. No. .**NO!** She rocks with him as she feels herself be overcome. She had never intended for this, never wanted him to feel this way.

"It was never your fault," she gasps, patting and rocking, patting and rocking as if that could make the hurt go away.

"But, y ou left…"

Of course, to a child's brain it would be that simple.

"I was sick, Kadaj. I thought I was protecting you. I never wanted you to hurt, especially because of me."

"Dad said that too," Kadaj reluctantly accepts. Aerith does not believe her truth has set in.

"I didn't want you to go." Kadaj looks almost bestial as he gives his mother a hurt look. "I missed you. I missed you lots but you never came back!"

"I'll make it up to you," she rushes, squeezing the boy even tighter. "I'll make up for everything I've done to you."

"Don't leave me," her son commands. "Don't you ever leave me again!"

* * *

"And here is when you peed all over Daddy. He wouldn't change you for a week!"

"Who changed me then?" Kadaj asks with a puzzled frown.

"I did," Aerith laughs while flipping to another picture. It feels good to be so light around Kadaj. It feels right.

Kadaj's frown deepens. "I don't remember."

"You were young," his mother giggles before bringing attention to another photo.

"Look at your face here. You were so cute!"

"I'm cute now," the child pouts.

Aerith ruffles his hair in admonishment. "I know that."

Surprisingly, the youngster huffs in return. Aerith smothers a smirk. Kadaj is loosening up and that means trust.

"What was I doing? Why am I crying?"

The scientist beams at the question.

"It was your first time in a garden. You didn't like the way the soil felt."

Kadaj gives the picture a wistful look.

"Dad never talked about this kind of stuff. It's weird to think we were happy."

Aerith does not answer as her son turns to a new snapshot. Kadaj is little bigger than the previous picture and Aerith is crouched steadily beside him. Their smiles show no hint of the darker things to come.

* * *

"_You'll break it," Aerith scolds in a gentle tone, taking the bitty fists in her own._

_Kadaj gurgles and swivels his sometimes-steady head up as his mother tickles a flower at his nose. Her heart swells when the baby squeals with laughter._

"_If you are kind, sometimes they will talk to you."_

_She fixes the little sun hat atop the albino head. "I wonder if they'll speak to you. They used to chatter at me all the time when I was small."_

_Kadaj sneezes and it causes a gentle laugh to ripple from her throat. His disgruntled face could be the splitting image of a displeased Sephiroth. _

_She laughs again at the little lord before her. _

"_They stopped for me, but I hope that you'll hear them one day," Aerith hums as she hands her son another bud. "They make prefect friends when no one will listen."_

"_This is Daddy's favorite flower. I wore it in my hair when we got married."_

_The child looks at the flower cross eyed before grabbing at it with a bubbly chirp. The crunch of combat boots alert the pair to Zack's presence. They swivel around to greet him._

"_Smile," Zack commands from behind the camera._

"_Look, Kadaj." Aerith grins, holding the little body up to stand. "It's Daddy."_

_Kadaj smiles at the camera, his image angelic. Aerith's own smile grins bright and deep._

_They look picture perfect. They look perfectly happy._

* * *

"I look like you," Kadaj comments after a minute of careful silence.

"You do," Aerith agrees still caught up in memories.

"We were happy."

Aerith stares at her son for a long minute before rummaging through her bag for her PHS. Looping one arm around Kadaj, she pulls him in towards the phone.

"We can be happy again," Aerith assures as she clicks the camera option. With the press of a button, their image appears. Kadaj is beautiful within the crook of her arm and she has never felt so grateful and happy.

"We can make ourselves picture perfect."


	32. Admonition

I don't own FFVII or any of its characters.

* * *

"Is it true that you're going to Nibelheim?"

Kadaj scuffs a shoe careful to hide his excitement from his aloof friend.

"Yeah," he answers coolly, "My dad's finally letting me go."

"Hnn," Yazoo hums with a bored nod. "There's a chance that it **might** be interesting this year then. Loz is such a bore and a crybaby."

Kadaj leans forward to let Loz swipe at their offensive comrade.

"Screw you," growls the stocky boy as he lands a wince-worthy punch. "My dad would kill me if I did half of the dumb things you did."

Yazoo rubs at his shoulder with a scowl, his mask dropping for a split second.

"We can't all be princes," Loz grumbles from his side of the bench while slipping into a few choice words.

He does not see Yazoo's knuckle coming for his temple until it is too late. The blow makes the bigger boy curl up and hold back his tears.

"It's actually the 'Bastard Heir of Wutai'," Yazoo corrects calmly as if the vicious strike means nothing.

Kadaj shifts slightly, uncomfortable with how cold and brutal his best friend can be. Still, Loz should have seen the move coming. Yazoo hates being reminded of his title and its obligations.

"Don't be a dick, Yaz," he orders without looking at either of his companions.

Yazoo sneers at the rebuke, throwing Loz a dark glare. "I don't understand why you keep him around. He's such a crybaby."

"And you're a girly looking jerk but I still hang out with you," the younger boy quips without hesitation.

Kadaj catches the fist right before it can make contact with his stomach, his uncle's training coming in handy. He crushes the fist until he hears bones creak in protest. Yazoo also hates being referred to as a girl.

"Jackass," hisses his adversary between clenched teeth.

Kadaj smirks and releases Yazoo lightening fast before pushing him neatly off the bench.

The long haired boy chuckles after a stunned moment. His face as cold and disinterested as ever. He plops back on the bench as if nothing happened and looks up to the sky with a slight grin.

"Nibelheim will **definitely **be fun this year."

Loz snorts through his tears.

"Quit crying, Loz. "

"F- You!"

Kadaj smiles too. Their friendship is odd, but it is theirs.

* * *

"You are really going to let him go?" Sephiroth questions, incredulous and slightly angry.

Aerith shrugs off his look. "It was Zack's idea."

"What happened to thinking for yourself?"

It is a cheap shot and it sends the scientist into pursed lips. She glares at the man as she prepares to leave her office. "If you don't like it, talk to Zack."

"How can you say it's his decision? You gave birth to him!"

Aerith brushes past him in an angry huff. She is late to pick up Kadaj and Sephiroth is only making things worse.

"It's not a pissing contest. Seph. Zack is his father and that is his right."

"He was hurt there, Aerith."

"I know," Aerith growls, understanding, and yet, still hurt by what his words imply. "I know and we are being careful this time."

"Aerith, I didn't me-."

"You did," she challenges. "You did and you will, but that isn't going to change things. He's old enough and he wants to go. It's not fair to keep denying him."

Exasperated, Sephiroth rubs a tired hand across his face. "I just don't think it's safe."

"Then talk to Zack. Don't rail at me from the sidelines."

"He will not speak to me."

"This isn't fair. You're always coming at me. I don't need whatever… this is on top of what I'm already dealing with."

"I am worried about him. I am only asking you to look out for him!"

"**We **want him safe too. Of course, we want him safe but we want him happy too. We're not perfect but we are trying to do right by him and this is what he wants."

"Aerith-"

"Are you going to deny him? Are you really going to deny him like you denied me? That is selfish love and you know it!"

"Was it really that bad?"

Aerith shoulders slump at the wince to his voice. This new assertive side must hurt him, but he wants to bend her without listening to her will; and Aerith cannot have that. Sephiroth loves her son and Aerith knows this, acknowledges it within the depths of her own heart, but his attitude tears her down. She needs the strength where she can get it; she cannot have him making her weak.

"You promised me confidence, Seph."

"I did."

As angry as she may be, she could never hate him or truly deny him. She has spent too long under him, suffering g with him, to want to wound. Sephiroth for all of his bravado is not without scars.

"Then, give it to me in this decision. I know you are scared for him, but don't lock him away. Don't try to limit his freedom and call it love just because you are scared. You are different from what you once were; please don't fall into your dark self because of fear."

Sephiroth is silent for a long while, his face unreadable, and his posture stiff. He stares at Aerith with lowered eyelashes and she sees memories and regrets float through the green of his eyes.

"I tried to take him when he was younger, but Lazard said I had no rights."

Aerith sighs, already knowing where this is going. "And you believed him when he told you, 'no'? You took the pill and just swallowed it..."

She is rewarded with a bitter smirk that turns into a doleful smile.

"Would you have hated me if I had? Would you have despised me if I had have claimed him as mine and mine alone?

Aerith sighs back, with a lost look. She does not want to reminiscence; she does not want to be trapped in the past.

"Yes and maybe no. Zack and I were toxic but he is still our son. I would have understood if you did."

The General scoffs at her admission, lifting a gloved hand to fingertips to her chin.

"Would you have wanted me to, though?"

His eyes glow soft, a lowlight that Aerith remembers from starry skies and darkened bedrooms. His thumb rubs over her lips fleetingly, his eyes intent on the pink of her cupid's bows.

"There are times when I think of what could have been. Maybe what perhaps, ought to have been."

Aerith removes herself from his hold, turning her back to him and towards her research. She does not have time to waste on teen romances. They lead to broken hearts and her love has already met that ending.

"Your problem, Seph, is that you don't know how to look forward. You're always looking back, always regretting. There is no future for you; just an endless rewind of every misstep, mistake, or mishap. There is no tomorrow or the next day, only your obsession with things you cannot change."

Sephiroth shakes his head in denial and waves of silver ripple in Aerith's peripheral vision. "I am looking forward now."

Aerith disagrees with a toss of her head.

"No, you are making demands based off of previous prejudices. Have you even found proof of your suspicions?"

"Will you just ignore everything I say? What happened to the Aerith that used to trust me?"

The scientist laughs with a sharp note. "She grew up, Seph. You broke her heart, and she grew up and learned to listen to herself the hard way."

Her PHS blinks with a message from Kadaj. He is waiting. She cleans up in a rush, turning to her companion only when her task is finished. She considers him from her side of the room. Remembers his weaknesses and tries to explain.

"It is a part of human life, despite our inhumanity. You live, you learn, and you make mistakes. Pain is inevitable. Hurt is inevitable. These are part of growing up. We grew up with** these **parts. **These **parts are what frighten you and make you so fierce to protect. But, there are beautiful things too, things that I want Kadaj to have. We never had normal, but that does not mean that Kadaj can't. This is the only gift I can think to give. Please don't fight me."

Sephiroth clenches his fist and opens them again, a sign of insecurity left over from youth

"Would you believe me if I said I was frightened?" he whispers into their quiet spaces. A strand of hair clings to his lips, highlighting the furrow to his brow.

"I, the Great General Sephiroth, frightened so much that it keeps me up at night. I have nightmares of you cold and slick on Hojo's table. I have nightmares of Kadaj tortured in ways that only I should remember."

He chokes on the last sentence.

Aerith aches for the man. Despite their disagreements, they grew up together. His heart was once her heart and they often shared pain. The need to reassure rises up. She is trying to move on but she knows she owes him. He is only doing what he sees fit. He cannot help the nature he has spent a lifetime creating. She hopes her words will ease his mind.

"They are only dreams, Seph. I'm sure everything will be fine."

Misery and resignation cloud her former love's features. His green haunts her own and she does not recoil when his ungloved hand grasps her own with a wistful air. He smiles a secret smile as if he has just realized something, his actions gentle as if to mourn. Aerith notices the stress of his muscles and waver of his voice, and a part of her goes wary.

"I'm scared for you, Aerith," he murmurs softly with her hand to his brow. "I am scared that these nightmares will not remain dreams."


	33. Introductions (Edited)

I don't own FFVII or any of its characters.

* * *

"General, might I have a word?"

Sephiroth scowls up at the source of the interruption. He takes no pains to hide his frown from Lazard. Cadet applications do not process themselves and any disruption is an annoyance.

"Can I help you?"

The General's frown deepens when the blond man steps further into his office. That means he may be a while. Sephiroth drops his pen with an aggravated sigh and leans back with an expectant look.

"It's about the new cadets," the older man begins.

"What cadet?" the SOLDIER snipes from behind piles of paperwork. "As you can see, I have hundreds of cadets awaiting my 'attentions'."

Lazard reaches into his coat and throws a file on top of the rest. "This is the only cadet I care about."

Sephiroth stares at the portrait of Shinra blue and golden spikes. He reads the name 'Cloud Strife'. Has it really been that many years?

The white-haired man flicks lazy eyes up and tosses the file to the side. "He will get no special preference. Shinra bastard or not, he will go by the book like the rest, Mr. Director."

Lazard chuckles at his tone, his eyes intense and knowing. "I am not worried about him getting in… Rather, I have different sort of favor."

"No," the General snaps out before turning back to his work. He has done Lazard enough favors. Were his cells not enough? Did they not save his premature son's life? Yes, they are comrades but it irks him that the man's son was the beginning of the dreadful J project and he does not like reminders.

He is startled when Lazard leans into his space. The movement sets him on edge and into the back of his seat.

"I said, 'no'" he grinds out.

"I could order you. I **am **the Director, after all."

Sephiroth smirks and looks into blue eyes with his own challenging green. "Be my guest."

His stare makes his antagonist back off with a huff. "You would make his life hell anyway, wouldn't you? A Director has less impression than a Demon, and you and I both know that."

Sephiroth smiles a smile from Wutai.

"Why Deusericus, are you asking me nicely?"

Lazard huffs again before turning serious and penetrating eyes on the man in front of him. "What if I made it worth your while?"

"I am listening."

"All the access codes I have on hand to Hojo's research."

This is more like it. This Sephiroth can use. He has been hitting walls in his search of Hojo's intentions. This comes at a good time.

"And how might I aid you in your nepotistic quest?"

"He needs a mentor. He won't last a minute within these walls, especially, if rumors break out."

The white-haired man scowls at the request. Lazard bring his son all the way here only to pawn him off on the nearest subordinate? Not on his watch.

"He's your son, you babysit him. SOLDIERS are not nannies."

"Yet, you play one all the time to Fair's child."

Sephiroth's scowl is back and his look is dark.

"Perhaps I don't need your help."

The Director smoothes his hair back with an agitated hand. His voice turns Shinra oily and Sephortoh fights the urge to punch him in the face after his next words.

"I **could **order **you** to do it, at least this way you **can **choose who will mentor him."

"I will give you Kunsel," accedes the General.

Lazard shakes his head and stands upright.

"Kunsel would sooner get him killed. Someone else."

Sephiroth sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. His patience is wearing thin and he does not know if he can be polite for much longer.

"There aren't many others. We are busy. You know as well as I do that Genesis is causing quite the mess. And Angeal can hardly be relied upon either."

"Then give me Fair."

Now it is Sephiroth's turn to shake his head.

"Fair? He has his own problems."

"Then I guess that just leaves **you."**

"Fair will do it. He is good with kids."

* * *

Sephiroth's first thought upon meeting Cloud Strife is that he hates him. Completely and irrationally, he dislikes the skinny mess his boss has called into the office. He cannot even figure out why, the feeling is just **instinctual.**

The kid is scrawny, shy, and his hair looks like straw. He can barely look up from his position next to Lazard and Sephiroth could sneer at the thought of this child ever being SOLDIER.

"Face me when I address you, Cadet," he barks, annoyed at the trainee's meek and mild nature. "There are no cowards in SOLDIER."

Cloud flushes before standing ramrod straight. Sephiroth almost smirks when he notices the young man's Adam's apple bob with a nervous swallow. Unnaturally blue eyes raise up before averting and the 1ST inwardly snarls at the idea that they share cells.

Lazard pushes his son forward with a sigh. "He won't eat you, Cloud. His bark is worse than his bite."

The boy stumbles before righting his misstep. He catches himself with a natural grace that hints at otherworldly origins.

"Sir, it's a pleasure to serve you," the child croaks out uncertainly and with a hint of awe. "I've always dreamed of being SOLDIER."

"This is not a game, Cadet," the General growls. "Men die in SOLDIER."

The too pretty face blinks fretfully and the delicate, wiry body tenses. A wannabe warrior with a baby doll face. With a passing glance, it is easy to understand why Lazard would want a mentor. Such a sweet little thing in SOLDIER would bring out all the wolves. The novice is almost as pretty as Kadaj in that respect and something softens in Sephiroth at that thought. Kadaj knows how to protect himself, this little Shinra before him might not.

He does not like the kid, but the idea of Kadaj being as vulnerable as the body facing him makes the man uncomfortable. He would kill his men for even thinking about half of the things that they would probably do to this boy. Bastard, Lazard probably counted on him seeing Kadaj in Cloud.

"You'll report to Brigadier General Fair on Monday. He will train you and in several months time, you will carry out your first mission in Nibelheim."

"Yes sir," the boy salutes, all stiff bones and rigid posture.

Sephiroth notes the calluses on the child's piano player hands. He should have read his file. There might be more to the boy after all.

"Am I dismissed, Sir?"

Sephiroth glances down and properly at the recruit's face and sees for the first time how young Cloud really is. He is not much older than Kadaj, only by a few years. He is a child and he has been baiting him like an adult. It makes the General mildly uncomfortable.

"Fair has a son," he says without thinking. "He is a little younger than you."

"What's his name?" Cloud questions with surprising bravery.

The General remembers growing up in Nibelheim to be a terribly lonely experience.

"Kadaj," Sephiroth mentions, and for some reason, things seem right.

* * *

"Brigadier General Fair?"

"Yes," Zack turns around to find a scrawny boy biting at his lip nervously. He smirks. This must be his new mentee…

"Um…" the adolescent hesitates, twisting his fingers in a childish way.

"I've been assigned to you..." he trails off in discomfort.

The 2ND guffaws at the cadet's awkward behavior and extends his hand with a congenial smile.

"Ease up, kid. You're in safe hands."

The young blond shakes his hand with a sigh of relief.

"Welcome to SOLDIER," the black-haired man beams. "It's where we make heroes."


	34. Opponent

I don't own FFVII or any of its characters.

* * *

"Who is this, Uncle?" Kadaj demands with a wary look. The boy in front of him does not look that much older, but he is wearing the uniform of a SOLDIER cadet.

"He is your father's mentee," Sephiroth answers with a confused frown. "Did he not mention him to you?"

Kadaj shrugs in a noncommittal way as he thrusts his hands in his pockets.

"He did, but I didn't pay too much attention."

The General clears his throat at the sloppy display and the pre-teen sheepishly corrects his figure. He gestures to the stiff trainee standing away from them, turning his back once he is sure the boy is following.

"What is he doing here?" Kadaj whispers curiously, fighting the urge to bury himself into his uncle's side. Sephiroth belongs to him and none else.

"You will spar with him," Sephiroth responds in an even tone.

"With me?"

He looks down to see the child's surprised face.

"Yes, with you. It would make good practice for you to fight someone your own age," the 1ST supplies while casually forging ahead. If he has to have Strife underfoot, he might as well make him useful.

* * *

Kadaj stiffens at the answer, his eyes sliding to glare at his "opponent". Apprehension worms her ugly head into his belly and panic swells its way into his veins. If he loses, will his uncle be mad? Will he want to stop training him? Stop loving him? His father already spends a lot of time with this Cloud. Will this new boy take away his uncle too?

**No**. He will prove himself. He will beat this kid and show everyone that Cloud is not so great. He will show them that **he **is stronger than Cloud and that they should love **him** best. He will not lose to Cloud.

"Come along, Kadaj," his uncle scolds from far off.

The little boy fixes a dark smile at his adversary's back. He will kill Cloud if he has to.

* * *

Kadaj pouts from his position on the ground.

"He beat me," he glowers and for a second Sephiroth is certain the child's ugly temper will rear its head.

"Enough," he cuts, dragging the boy up.

A part of Sephiroth also sulks at his nephew's defeat. He was so sure that his protégé would be the stronger.

"He is older," the man explains with a shrewd glance at the other young fighter," and longer trained."

"Of course, he would beat you," The General clarifies as if his words were as ordinary as calamities and as calming as a storm.

"Sir?" Cloud calls from his side of the field.

"Begin," Sephiroth barks, annoyed by Strife's timidity.

The two boys crash into each other in a flash of toy swords. Sparks fly and energy is thrown. The air quivers from the raw power wasted by the children playing war. Sephiroth blinks in surprise. It appears he has underestimated **both **of them.

* * *

Momentum is lost when Kadaj's frustrations obstruct. His attacks turn sloppy, and with embarrassing ease, Cloud knocks his opponent to the ground again. The General grits his teeth. Kadaj is making beginner mistakes.

"Again!" the General snaps at his fallen student.

Kadaj boils underneath his skin. His uncle is angry. His uncle is angry at **him.**

He lost. It is not fair. **He **is supposed to win. **HE** is supposed to be better. But, he lost and know everyone will know. Where will this leave him? They will think he is pathetic and not worth their time. They will stop loving him now if they have not already; first his father, then his uncle, and soon his mother.

He will take it back. He will fight, and win, take **them** back. He **will** be stronger and he **will** have their love.

* * *

"Get up," Sephiroth barks at the prone figure of his nephew. "Get up and fight again."

Kadaj tears at the grass, letting out a terrifying howl.

"Get up, Kadaj," the SOLDIER orders again with less heat.

His student lifts his face and it makes Sephiroth's skin crawl. He has seen enough war to know the look. There is murder in the boy's eyes.

With another inhuman shriek, the child stands, breathing heavy and erratically.

"Stand down!" the man orders but it is lost in the tempest of his ward's fury.

Kadaj startles the both of them with a rasping laugh. He is panting with tears running down his face. Energy crackles around him. Bursts of smoke transform into hellish creatures and bow by the little lord's feet. With a malevolent grin, the child focuses on his prey.

Sephiroth has seconds to react. Mechanically, the SOLDIER pushes Cloud out of the way and blocks the sadistic attack. The creatures nip at his heels and he has to push Kadaj aside to take care of them. Sephiroth represses a shiver of revulsion as they disappear into unnatural dust. He stares for a moment at the thrumming air, feeling Kadaj's power spark against his skin. To think all this could come to him…

* * *

Kadaj struggles to get up from what Sephiroth hopes is energy fatigue. Crouched, Sephiroth watches as energy gathers around Kadaj's hand again. It is time to end this. With detached feeling, he smacks the boy off his feet. The blow breaks Kadaj of his fit and his face and his form crumple.

"I have to **WIN**," the child wails, throwing angry weight against his uncle. "I have to show you!"

"What?" hisses the older man, his countenance livid, worried, and puzzled over his student's actions.

"You'll leave me," Kadaj sobs, tearing at his hair, " 'cause I'm not good enough."

"I lost and now, you'll like him best," he chokes, half-crazed but mostly afraid.

Sephiroth sighs. Of course, he would lash out. Of course, he would let his insecurities overwhelm him.

"No one is trying to replace you," the white-haired man soothes.

Kadaj hiccups and shakes his head furiously. "Dad spends all his time with him."

The General grasps shaking shoulders and brings the down turned face to eye level.

"Listen to me, Kadaj," he presses, watching as hot tears sneak from his nephew's near translucent lids. "No one is replacing anyone . This was all for practice. It was not a contest. There is nothing to win."

"Really?"

His words have an immediate effect and little pale hands wipe at reddened cheeks.

"Yes, really," the SOLDIER vows solemnly. "Now, bring yourself to heel. Practice your katas until you find peace."

"I hate him," Kadaj whispers with serious and somber eyes before running off to his task.

Sephiroth sighs. This was a grievous misstep.

Cloud creeps up to him as he watches the other child grow calmer.

"Did I do something… wrong?" the pale teen frets his stance sunken in from the warrior he was before.

"No," the General concedes, " but he'll hate you for it still."

"He hates me?"

Sephiroth chuckles. "Perhaps. He is frightened by you."

The blond bites at his lips. "I had wanted to be friends."

The 1ST exhales loudly, clapping a hand on his forlorn subordinate's shoulder. "We do not always get what we want. Let that be the lesson of today."

It the friendliest he has been to his underling thus far.

"Not a word of this to anyone, Cadet," the older man says in a soft tone that could only be a threat.

It would not do for things to get back to Zack or Lazard.

Cloud nods his head as if he has spent a lifetime being given these same orders. He probably has.

"You are dismissed, Cloud."

His first name is a consolation. Impossible blue flickers to him as the boy smiles. Then it is gone and the shy boy back. Cloud is beautiful…and tragic. All of these children are. They might break each other as they love, but the preternatural side of him whispers this is right. They will somehow need each other- and he can do little but prepare.

Sephiroth watches the cadet walk away, his shoulders hunched and insecure.

The strongest bonds often have the hardest beginnings.

* * *

_ "She hit me first," the little boy shrugs, uncomfortable and unused to being in the wrong._

_Aerith's cries fill the room, bounce off the walls and ring in Sephiroth's ear. Everything in his world is fragile, breakable._

_"That strength will be the death of her. You have to gentle, Sephiroth. You have to protect her."_

_"Yes, Doctor," he replies thinking that he will never mean it. _

* * *

He should know personally.


	35. Trade

I do not own FFVII or any of its characters.

"It is almost done,"Hojo murmurs into a tank full of bubbles. "After the final procedure, there should be enough cells for you to take control with ease."

The sound of life systems and water answer him.

"I will have the boy though. In my hands, he should be no threat."

The scientist runs his fingers across the glass, clearing condensation from the alien body.

"A daughter for a son, my dear; it only seems fair."


	36. Jealousy

I do not own FFVII or any of its characters.

* * *

"He attacked him?" Aerith gawks in surprise. The look she gives Sephiroth is filled with anxious worry.

"Yes," the man nods with a soft sigh. "He was frightened that Cloud would take his place."

The scientist frowns over the implications. "That's not good."

"It's not," the SOLDIER agrees, stepping closer to the woman.

"I'll talk to him…and to Zack. He probably does not even realize…" she trails off.

"Does that man notice anything?" Sephiroth snipes, unable to keep the malice and jealousy out of his tone.

"Don't come here to be ugly, Seph," Aerith scolds with a warning tone.

"You need to talk to him."

The researcher's shoulders tense. Sephiroth remains an almost unspoken topic in their household. He deserves a chance, though; it may break the Fair family's gentle peace.

"I'll try," Aerith finally replies, her eyes locked and serious,"…but, he may not listen."

There is truth in her stare and Sephiroth feels his heart flutter. Aerith stretches for a beaker, breaking eye contact and hiding her soul.

"It is enough," Sephiroth answers honestly. "It is enough that you try."

Gingerly, he hands Aerith the beaker she is reaching for. His fingers brush over her wrist, and his eyes search out her gaze.

"I am getting closer," he whispers, tracing a vein. "I've recently got some information that could help my search."

Aerith stiffens and pulls her hand away. Sephiroth's fingertips tingle from the warmth of her skin.

"I will find out what that snake is up to."

"And, if you find anything?" Aerith lips quiver. She does not want to know. She does not want this peace to shatter. Of course, Sephiroth would do this. His love has never given her a moment's peace.

Sephiroth reaches for her quavering hand. There was a time when he would have died for her. Every time he thinks he is done, she makes him fall in love again.

"I will tell you," he murmurs into the corner of her lips because she is afraid and he hates to see her hurt.

She leans into his mouth and for the briefest of moments; they are lovers again. She pulls away, the skin of her lips sticking to his own.

"Don't," she pleads and Sephiroth could die a thousand times over for her again.

Her desperation overwhelms him and he crushes them together. They peel away clothes, and skin, and hurt emotions as they bare their raw parts to each other. She trembles against his body, and he re-memorizes her vulnerable spaces and the spots that make her gasp. Her tears slick down their bodies and everything feels like goodbye.

"Promise me you'll protect him," she orders as he slides from under her warmth.

Sephiroth soothes away her gouging fingers and presses her distraught hands to a kiss.

"Always."

* * *

"Are you going to see **him** again?"" snaps Kadaj from behind the doorway.

Zack turns a quirked brow at his son, amused at the childish jealousy. Aerith had mentioned something about it, but it is hard to believe that his son could be so petty.

"I don't 'meet' him, Kadaj. He shadows me. I'm his mentor. Uncle 'Geal did the same for me."

Kadaj hisses and his fists clench. "I hate him."

The 2ND turns stern at the sharp declaration.

"Now, Kadaj, that ain't no way to speak about someone you haven't met yet," he warns.

"I have," spits the child, "and I still hate him!"

Confused, the man turns from his prep to question his son. "How?"

Kadaj shrugs, suddenly remembering his secret.

"Somewhere," he drawls, feeling the need to anger, as he has been angered.

Zack decides to let the snide answer go. He glances at his PHS and winces; he will be late if he does not leave soon.

"Look, we'll talk later," Zack bargains with the preteen. "When I come back, we can talk about it and you can tell me what's wrong."

Kadaj answers with a growl and a putout expression.

"And, you had better fix that attitude before then," the man scolds with a admonishing tone.

* * *

Kadaj lets out a shriek after the door clicks shut. His nails dig into his palms and his face flushes with the surge in his emotions. Hurt, he knocks over a nearby picture frame without thinking. He looks upon broken glass and thinks on how Cloud is breaking his family. It is not fair. He crashes another frame down, then another, and another until he is standing in a sea of glass. Still, that is not enough- He wants to hurt **everything **in this house that hurts him.

Aerith finds him hours later, split knuckled and heaving under the drape of a spare lab coat. He pleads apologizes and second chances and Aerith's heart breaks in his cries. She presses kisses and coos upon him, and finally calls Sephiroth he is calm. When the child leaves, he glares at her in discontent.

* * *

She texts a message to Zack's PHS and heads back to the Labs to calm her inner turmoil.

"Where is he?" Zack seethes over the remnants of his memories. "He can't keep pulling this stuff."

"With Seph," Aerith calmly replies with a touch to his clenched arm.

Zack's gaze flicks to wife and his eyes go hard and demanding. No more secrets they had said, and yet, she is always keeping them.

"Why?" the man hisses before he can control himself. "Who told you that you could?"

Aerith, to her credit, does not flinch. Instead, she takes her husband's much bigger fists into her own.

"**I** said I could, Zack. I am his mother."

Zack huffs at her words but lets his hands unclench under her touch.

"Why is he still gone?"

"Because, I wanted to talk to you **alone."**

Zack lets Aerith stare him down, answering her glare with one of his own.

"About?"

"He is afraid, Zack," she glides, using her eyes to implore that husband finally understand. "No matter how petty it seems, Kadaj is very much afraid."

"Cloud!?" cries Zack in disbelief. "I'm only mentoring him, Aerith. He is not replacing anyone!"

"You need to tell Kadaj that," Aerith answers just as loud. "You need to tell him his father still loves him and that we won't fall apart."

"He should know better…"

"But he doesn't or he can't," his wife presses, the scene of her hurting child spurring her on, "and that frightens him!"

Zack sulks, running his hands over his face.

"Seph, said-"

"Don't you bring that bastard into this conversation," the 2ND snaps.

"He has a right," Aerith offers helplessly.

"No, he doesn't," Zack hisses with eyes narrowed.

"He does, Zack, and you know it's-"

**BAM.**

They are both surprised to see hollows in the drywall. Aerith cowers up from the cage of her spouse's arms with a look of horror and incredulity.

"You bring my son to that man **again** and we'll have words."

Black spikes drift away from her vision, her knees collapse as his presence recedes.

"Aerith," Zack calls over his shoulder, his voice heavy with contrition, "I'll talk to Kadaj. Get things straightened out."

He turns from her and leans over to pick up Kadaj's first picture. He continues over to their bedroom, crushing glass and hurt under his feet.

* * *

"Sit down," Zack commands as Kadaj approaches the table.

The child has been walking on pins and needles since the incident. It has been a long week.

The SOLDIER softens his stance to seem more inviting.

"I ain't gonna hurt you," he says. "I just want to talk."

Kadaj eyes his father warily. Is this when his dad decides to send him away?

"What do you want to talk about," pouts the sullen child.

"Cloud," Zack says and he can barely catch the boy before he bolts.

He is not prepared for the clawing and the thrashing and he struggles to get his preternatural son under control. Things **are** much worse than he thought.

"Listen to me," Zack growls at his struggling son.

Kadaj wails and fights without listening to a word. He does not want to hear the parting words. If he runs away, maybe, he can avoid the dismissal.

"Kadaj-," Zack grits.

"No," his son screams, using elbows and knees in an attempt to flee. "Don't send me away."

"Kadaj," Zack shouts again, shaking his son with 2ND strength and restraining the child into a bear hug.

"No one is trying to replace you," he yells trying to get through the din.

"Liar," Kadaj shrieks with a vicious movement. "You spend all your time with him!"

"Because I have to, Kadaj," the 2ND yells, tightening his grip.

"I have to spend time with him. It's part of my job," he explains without heat. "I'd be with you if I could, but I don't get a choice on what I get to do."

Kadaj sags in his arms.

"Even if he's better than me?"

The older man reaches a hand to the back of the child's neck and brings their foreheads together.

"Even if he was a million times better."

Kadaj sniffs, watery and paper thin.

"Don't leave me," he wails. He will never stop being the child that Aerith walked out on.

"I won't," Zack rushes, bringing his son into a bone-crushing hug.

"I'm glad I'm your Daddy," he whispers into his son's shaking hair. "I thank Gaia every day that I'm your Pa. I ain't always done right by you, but throw you away I ain't."

"Don't leave me," Kadaj commands again, burying his face into his father's strong shoulders.

"I won't," Zack reassures, cradling Kadaj close.

* * *

In the dark, he comes to her, soft and full of remorse.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers against her brow. "I should have listened earlier. I should have looked closer."

He trails his kisses down her throat.

"You are only human," she replies, basking in the electric blue of his eyes.

"I am," he concedes, "and it's a wonder that any of you could still love me for it."


	37. Answers

I don't own FFVII or any of its characters.

* * *

"Is anyone in?"

"I'm afraid not, sir," answers the perky young receptionist with a frown. "All scientific personnel are out in the field today."

The young woman's eyes rest on Sephiroth's face a moment too long.

"But, I could try calling someone if you'd like," she offers in a pretty little tone.

The General draws on his charm, careful to make it cloying and thick.

"That won't be necessary," he husks with certain eye contact. "I will be fine on my own."

"If you need anything…" the hopeful voice trails off.

"Only that you keep this our little secret."

* * *

His deep voice trails after him as he walks down Hojo's white halls. The girl sighs with youthful dreams after him. It never occurs to the young woman to check her visitor for clearance.

Sephiroth nearly chuckles to himself over the ease of his entrance. He travels down the sterile passageways, his boots the only constant sound. These labs have not been important since he and Aerith were children. With only memories to guide him, the white haired man slowly finds his destination.

The door creaks and the scent of old papers drifts by his nose. He lets out an unknown breath. He was not always strong and if Hojo had have caught him in here as a child; the punishment would have left him screaming. But, no one is here now and Sephiroth is one of the most powerful people on Gaia. He punches in the code without hesitation.

The archive casing separates with a burst of putrid steam. Sephiroth's eyes gleam with all the potential secrets he may uncover. He is one step closer.

One step closer to his ultimate goal.

He came here for answers. Make no mistake-they will be gotten.

* * *

"Cry all you want, Strife. It won't do you any good."

Cloud spits blood from his mouth and allows his tears to break the air. Gone is the timid boy who cannot look anyone in the eye. Left behind is an animal focused on survival and escape.

"You can't even defend yourself," sneers one of his attackers."It's a joke that you're even in SOLDIER, much less Brigadier General Fair's pet."

The older boy kicks Cloud for good measure.

The blond gasps at the pain and grunts once the wave is over. The pain might send him over the edge. He will do what he can to survive and they will never see him coming.

He flexes his fist, feeling the power buzz in his veins. They will be lucky to get out with a broken bone or two. Something dangerous and untapped lives inside him.

His knuckles crack and he feels the adrenaline thrumming as he rushes forward. He will definitely put someone in the hospital today. Afterwards, they will shun him as if it was his fault. The children in Nibelheim did, there is little reason not to expect the same from the little tyrants of Midgard.

The floor starts to splinter under the pressure of his fingertips. A few of the boys seem to realize something is wrong and wisely back away. Cloud can feel himself drifting away. It will be too late for the foolish others.

"What's all this?" roars a distant voice and Cloud slumps in relief when he realizes it is his mentor.

"Names and rank," the furious man growls.

The bullying cadets snap at attention and one bursts into tears.

"Now!" Zack hisses, the look foreign on the normally friendly commander.

One by one, his assailants list their details. Zack barks out threats and harsh punishments for all of them. Cloud does not feel an ounce of pity.

"Are you alright?" Zack shifts his attention to the injured boy in a much gentler tone.

To his credit, the cadet tries to nod his head yes. He is fooling no one. The black haired man lends a comforting arm and helps his mentee to stand.

"They got you good," he whistles at the blue and black littering the child's face. "Lazard is going to kill me..."

"I'm sorry," Cloud rasps out, apologizing for the things he is and the things he is not.

"Gaia," the 2ND swears. "Can you wait here? I've got take these little bastards to their commanding officer."

The teenager nods though he would like nothing more than sob of his teacher's shoulder.

Zack gives him a reassuring pat and a crumpled tissue to catch the blood.

"Kadaj," he calls from over his shoulder, "stay with him."

Cloud lifts his blue eyes to seas of jealous green.

"Kadaj."

The light haired child squares his shoulders and makes his glare harder.

"Kadaj."

Eternities later, the boy stomps forward and takes a frigid stance next to his nemesis.

Zack smiles at his son, which seems to ease the preteen's harshness.

"Thank you," he grins at his trying boy before he turns to haul one of the offenders by the back of his collar.

The bully whimpers under the tight grip. Zack grins ferally at him in return. He has little use for bullies.

"You better pray the Director is out of his office."

And, neither does Lazard Deusericus.

Kadaj's green eyes make him uncomfortable, more so than the glares and leers of his tormentors. He feels stripped bare and somehow that hurts far more than any punch or kick.

"I'm stronger than this," he mumbles without meaning to.

The other boy floats disinterested eyes at him and snorts.

"Getting your butt kicked is a weird way to show it."

The blond flinches then gathers his courage. There is something about Kadaj, with his acid tongue and hateful eyes, that draws him in; that begs him to get closer.

"You don't like me do you?"

Kadaj snorts again at his question and levels a straight look.

"No."

Cloud sighs and pinches at his bleeding nose. After a few painful seconds, he tries again.

"Can I at least ask why?"

He is answered with a displeased shrug and a roll of emerald.

"I just don't."

"Okay..." Cloud accepts.

He has heard far less for far more hate. He should just let things go, but...

"I want to be friends."

Cloud waits for the blow or the ugly threats but neither of them come. There is silence in the space of his statement. They both shift uncomfortably under its weight.

Kadaj answers finally.

"Why?"

His throat burns as he says the words. He is confused by Cloud's language. He is a threat and a danger, not another lost and lonely boy like himself.

"I dunno," Cloud answers truthfully. "I've never really had friends."

"I thought that...," the older youth murmurs softly, looking away.

They are interrupted by the click of Zack's boots. Kadaj huffs away and nearly runs to his father. The 2ND ruffles the boy's hair. He whispers something that Cloud cannot hear. Kadaj turns back to glower and the boy freezes in his gaze.

"See you in, Nibelheim," the 10-year-old grumbles, scuffing a shoe in the dirt and looking like Cloud is the last person he wants to talk to.

"Yeah," Cloud grunts, tired and unwilling to spend anymore of himself.

Kadaj stomps off into the corridors of Shinra without a second look.

Zack comes to sit next his protégé, checking all of the bruised and battered places with gentle eyes.

"How long has this been going on?"

The teen shrugs his shoulders and shrinks into himself.

"I dunno," he mumbles.

Fatherhood rarely agrees with military life, but it proves invaluable in the rare instances that it **is** needed.

"If it happens again, you tell me, you hear," Zack orders."This a place for heroes, not bullies. I ain't gonna stand by and let you get beat up under my watch."

Cloud bites his lip and nods his head. There are days when it would be nice to have a father.

"You can come to me with anything, Cloud. I'm here to help you. I'm here to make you SOLDIER."

The teenager fiddles with his fingers and keeps his eyes on the ground. Zack sighs and ruffles up his spikes. It is just his luck he would end up with **two** troubled boys when he is already stretched thin.

Cloud wipes at the drop of blood running his nose, his lips waver minutely. It is all that Zack needs to see before he brings the child tenderly under a kindly arm. Is this how Angeal felt when he first saw him? Somehow, this non-parental paternity is more frightening than the real thing. He is a player on the sidelines of a game he does not like. He would have never have signed Cloud up for SOLDIER. One look and a few minutes is all it takes to see that he is not fit for it.

Still, it is not his job to decide. It is Lazard's and he wants the boy in his program. His job is to see thingsa through until the end. Hopefully, it is happy…

"Let's get you to the infirmary. I don't think those wounds are bad enough for a Cure."

Cloud raises up and follows mutely.

* * *

None of his attackers survive their first mission.


	38. Records

I do not own FFVII or any of its characters.

TRIGGER WARNING : Incest.

I am not really sure if I needed a warning. You will have to read closely to find this information. The characters themselves don't know. There isn't anything graphic either, but I did not want to cause distress.

Good luck finding this chapter's big reveal.

* * *

_Girlish laughter fills Sephiroth's senses and the scent of mako and flowers teases by him. Aerith flops down beside him, her cheeks rosy and out of breath. She looks so much healthier outside of the Labs. The silver haired boy wonders if he does, too._

_"This is wonderful," Aerith, gasps in a fit of giggles. "I wish we could stay like this forever. Just you and me, forever and ever."_

_He kisses her for the first time, chaste and sweet, amongst the mountain flowers swaying in the breeze. They lose themselves in an endless circle of emerald. Their ruined youth renewed in their naive passions._

_He loves her, he thinks. And, that will change __**everything**__._

* * *

Sephiroth picks up the first file, hands heavy with trepidation. He forces it open and sees his life unfold on the crisp white pages.

_Project S._

Terms and words he should know fly past him. The meanings blurring with the information he gathers. It is all about him. Every step, every movement, every blink of his early years recorded in painstaking detail. All of his infancy lies between his fingers and the bookcase walls.

He reads until the last file.

_Female Subject 00  
_

_Age: Unknown_

_Hair: Brown_

_Eyes : Green_

[ μ ] – εуλ_1979_

_Eggs harvested for fertilization. To be implanted in Female Subject L after fertilization. Samples from Project Chaos and Jenova to be used in the fertilization process_._Embryo to be monitored closely for first 30 days after implantation. Any signs of irregular development to be reported to Dr. Hojo. _

[ μ ] – εуλ 1980

_Irregular development confirmed. Possibilty of Cetra fetus likely. Close monitoring highly recommended. Further research is needed._

Air escapes Sephiroth in a strangled sound. He thought he would be reading about Lucrecia Crescent. The woman who birthed him and handed him straight into Hojo's arms. When he was younger, he had yearned for her, his habeas corpus-a body to attach to the abstract concept.

_Subject 00_.

An egg donor? All of the photographs of a brown haired woman named Lucrecia suddenly mean nothing; her actions suddenly become less. What need is there to worry over a child who is merely renting the space of your womb? All for science, Lucrecia Crescent certainly seemed like the type. But this other woman...why? Sephiroth feels desperate to put a face to her, to know what he shares of her genetic legacy.

He searches the file for more, only to find grainy sonograms and old blood work charts. He curses and flings the file to the side. No information on Aerith and now another mystery added to his already long list.

There is only one place left to go. All roads seem to lead to Nibelheim. It is too convenient for the files he needs to be there. All of this could very well be a trap, but he has to know, he needs to know. He wants to protect those dear to him and he cannot if he does not know what he is fighting.

* * *

"Why is he here?" frowns Kadaj from the back of the transport truck. "He is supposed to be with Uncle."

Cloud shrinks back from the venomous tone only to be pushed forward by his mentor.

"Your uncle is busy, Kadaj" soothes Zack from behind.

Gently, the older man shoves his mentee into an opposite seat before plopping down next to his son.

"Your uncle is heading the SOLDIER division this year. Cloud isn't one yet, so he's stuck going with us."

"Then, how come you're here?" the cadet questions in a rare display of bravery.

Zack smirks at his charge. "Special leave."

Satisfied, Cloud leans back into his chair and Kadaj pulls a face when he thinks his father is not looking. The younger boy lets out a squeak when he is caught in the act and pulled into a headlock.

"None of that, you," Zack grunts into a noogie.

In spite of himself, the 11-year-old bursts into a crystalline laugh. Cloud watches the pair with a longing air.

"We're going to be friends on this trip. That means no bad attitudes...," Zack threatens at Kadaj before he throws a beam towards his staring student. "... and no awkward shyness. Right, Cloud?"

Cloud nods slowly in agreement. "Yes, sir."

The Brigadier General waves a dismissing hand.

"Just Zack is fine," the man, grins, releasing a much-tousled Kadaj. "I'm no Sephiroth, you can be friendly with me."

"Yes, Zack," the boy answers dutifully.

The SOLDIER rubs his hands together like a small child, a look of pure glee on his slowly aging face.

"Kadaj, did you bring your cards? I'm pretty sure I promised you a butt kicking."

The little boy nods and digs out a well-worn deck from his rucksack. He tosses it on the truck bed with a smirk that would do his father proud.

"The only butt kicked is going to be yours, Dad." Kadaj brags with his nose in the air. Zack can just imagine Sephiroth looking like this as a kid-the stuck-up jerk.

"Hah," Zack crows back," not on your life, kid. I was a pro at this game before you were a twinkle in my eye."

Kadaj snorts in disgust.

"How about you Cloud you in?" the man asks with a friendly smile.

"If it's okay with Kadaj..."

An expectant look with a heavy expectation.

A delicate sniff and the nod of a silvered head.

"Fine, but you'd better not suck."

* * *

"You alright, Cloud? You're looking kind of green." pauses Zack over their game of cards.

The afflicted cadet swallows thickly.

"Motion sickness, sir."

Zack's brows lift in surprise. He lays a cool hand on the teen's clammy skin.

"This isn't in your file," the man comments smoothly.

Cloud's features twist. Yet another reason he should not be in SOLDIER, another failing brought to light.

"We didn't have a car and I never really left town. I'm still getting used to it, sir," the boy explains while trying valiantly to keep his lunch down.

"You should have said something," frowns Zack in a dissaproval.

"I'm sorry."

The 2ND sighs. It seems like the kid will never get the point.

"It's not a big deal, Strife. We all have our weaknesses."

The blond nods, a gag stops him in his tracks.

"Don't upchuck on me," commands Kadaj gracelessly, backing into the wall of the truck for good measure. "You're going to puke everywhere! Why did you have to come?"

The exaggerated display upsets Zack in a way he cannot explain. Kadaj is not usually this cruel. Why is it that the other child brings out the worst in his son?

He reprimands Kadaj, trying to stem the negative actions that rule the boy in Cloud's presence. A hard glare and a heavy hand on the boy's shoulder should be enough. Kadaj shrugs the hand off in an act of childish rage.

Zack's eyes harden and he snatches Kadaj into the side of the truck.

"Enough!" he barks in a sharp warning voice.

Betrayal wells up in the preteen's eyes and a hateful glare is sent Cloud's way; hours of camaraderie undone in a second.

The 2ND turns from his scowling child, away from the crocodile tears threatening the air. He is done with the jealousy for the moment. Kadaj will just have to get himself under control.

"Put your head between your knees," the black-haired man urges.

His student sends him a puzzled look but complies.

"It'll make you feel better," the SOLDIER explains. "My Ma used to have me do it."

Cloud nods from the cradle of his knees, not really feeling better but unwilling to defy his mentor.

"Hang in there," Zack encourages.

The man's attention returns firmly to his other ward.

Cloud burrows his head farther. It saves him from the awkward confrontation between father and son.

They are still a ways away from Nibelheim. Perhaps, he will take a nap.

* * *

"You are late," hisses Sephiroth. The man is particular and tardiness is a big pet peeve.

The 2ND revels in the look or irritation thrown his way - the feeling is mutual.

"There were a few problems along the way," lies Zack as he winks at Cloud and pushes the novice forward. "Here's the goods, safe and sound."

The General stares the "goods" down. Cloud traveling separately seems to have been the right choice.

"Cadet," barks the white haired man.

"Yes,sir!" The blond snaps to attention immediately, his knees knocking together with the momentum of his movements.

"Uncle."

"Kadaj," Sephiroth acknowledges with a warm nod. "I take it you are well."

Envy fills Cloud at the way the FIRST's stance softens at the other boy's words.

"Come, Strife."

Cloud runs after the retreating back, nearly tripping over his own feet. He can feel Kadaj's eyes burning into him.

* * *

"Tonight, you will rest," the older man orders.

"Yes, sir."

Cloud accepts whatever the older man will give him. It is the least he can do after forcing the General to put up with an underfoot like himself. However, the 1ST has softened over the months he has known him.

"In a few days time, you will receive your first dose of Mako at the Nibelheim Mansion. Your benefactor has seen fit that I shall accompany you there. It will be your first test as SOLDIER."

Cloud stops, freezes in all actuality. He never thought he would make it this far. He certainly does not feel worthy. Beating up hometown kids hardly makes one SHINRA quality.

"As a SOLDIER?" the teen questions, genuinely confused.

He was under the impression he is not fit for SOLDIER, and the General has never made him feel otherwise.

"Yes," scowls Sephiroth.

It would seem that Sephiroth's opinion has not changed.

"The Director continues to believe you have "potential" and for that reason alone, he insists that you join the program."

"Okay," Cloud mumbles, but he must admit that it is somewhat nice to be acknowledged.

Even if it is not by the man that he has called hero since he was 4 years old.


	39. Needles

I don't own FFVII or any of its characters.

* * *

The Lab scrubs chafe at her skin, the sensation familiar, but not comforting. By the window, her mind wanders. Here, there, everywhere, her thoughts circle in a constant flux.

Tests have been given and explanations and scenarios run through. She is ready, Hojo has assured, but still her heart beats aflutter. She is near the finish line, but she only feels lost.

"If you would get ready, Dr. Fair, the staff will begin to prepare."

She barely looks at the young assistant before her. His words drift by as she drifts by. Where is the relief? The conviction that this not the lion's den.

These last few days, she has felt more and more foreign, her body a heavy exoskeleton. Hojo had said it was her increased dosage. She had believed him, needed to believe. Now, tears slip unbidden down her cheeks.

"It will be okay," she whispers to no one and the in between.

Sephiroth brought her these troubles. He sunk this distrust deep within her body. She should have ignored him; she should have looked towards her goal and nowhere else.

Her eyes close and she shudders over the physical memories. Yes, **has** infected her, given her his worries and fears, and injected them deeper than even marrow can reach. It was wrong to allow him so deep. Ever since the incident in her office, she has felt his insecurities swim under her skin. He has impregnated her with them. Poisoned her with his miasmic love and left her on unsteady ground.

She scrubs at her skin with medically issued soap. She scrubs until she is red and raw, both inside and out. Under the foam, her nails and cloth scratch and tear at the emotions that cause her unrest. Into the drain, they all pour out until her body is once again light and faithful. When she is finished, she climbs out with renewed certainty and hardened resolve.

"It will be okay," she murmurs again, and this time, her voice is stronger.

It will be all right and she can go back and love Kadaj and Zack, as she has wanted to for so long. They will get their perfect ending and live happily ever after.

"Ma'am," another assistant instructs, "We will be ready soon, if you could do your final prep..."

"I have to call my son."

The man nods and turns away; back to the charts and data that has become her life. She does not fault him for his coldness that is way in which science loves.

She has already talked to Zack, pecked his lips when he had stopped by and whispered to him all her words of love. His eyes had shined because he can hope. Aerith held his gaze and willed his faith to bleed into her.

Kadaj had been present, of course. But, he had pressed of her this promise and after everything she has done to him, it seemed like such a small favor.

"Kadaj," she coos, remembering the moment she had decided his name.

"Mother."

Such reverence, her child always addresses her in a tone of unbound awe. It has never been hard to tell that she is Gaia in the heart and mouth of her son.

"I'm going into surgery soon," she explains and ignores her son's held sob. "I will be fine. It's only a minor procedure."

"Can I visit you?"

It pains her to think he will spend his first Nibelheim trip by the foot of her bed. However, she knows her son, and there is no way she could deny him. He **would** keep vigil and her mother's heart will be glad of it.

"Of course."

It would be her pleasure to wake up to her child's face; his green-blue eyes locked onto her and his silver hair haloed about his face, his gentle presence evidence of the two men who love her.

"I love you, Kadaj."

Everything trembles inside, even her heart.

"I love you, too."

"I'll see you soon."

She cuts the line before there is any response, her resolve too weak to hear the impending tears. Let him hate her for it later, right now, she needs all of her strength.

"I'm ready."

* * *

Hojo is waiting for her, nothing about him reassuring in the least. Quietly, assistants begin their tasks, attaching monitors, and inserting needles. She flairs to life on the support machines.

She lays down, electrodes at her temples and stares at her brainwaves and the lines burn into her the fact that she was alive. Hojo lifts the mask to her face, his movements uncharacteristically gentle.

Her eyes flicker from her lifelines to his rheumy orbs, and she sees some hidden emotion. Regardless of what happens today, for someone this will be the end .

"We are going to put you under, Aerith."

He has never used her name before. Suddenly, things become sadder still.

"Count down from 10 to 1, if you please."

10.

_"Ifalna, you've got to keep her quiet!"_

_"I'm trying, Gast, but this kind of travel is hard on a baby."_

"_If we can just get over the border, we will be free. Shinra can't touch us. You, me, and Aerith, we'll all be free of Shinra's grasp."_

_"Hush now, baby girl. Mama's got you. You just close those big green and go off to sleep. Mama's gonna keep you safe". _

9.

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

_"She's covered in blood__,__ you fool! You had better hope she is uninjured."_

_Tap. Tap. Tap_

"_My name is Hojo, child. I will be in charge of your care from now on."_

8.

_"Sephiroth, this is Aerith. She's to stay with us from now on."_

7.

_"You shouldn't cry after her. They'll all leave eventually."_

"_She was my friend, Seph__.__"_

_"You cry at needles, too. You shouldn't let these things touch you. We are much more than that. We are much more than __**them.**__" _

6.

_"I thought I instructed you to clean up this up. The relocation to Shinra is only a week away__.__"_

_"I don't want to go."_

_"No one's giving you a choice, girl. You two have idled away here long enough. Shinra would have us under their thumb and when they speak, we listen."_

5.

"_Stupid chit of a girl!"_

_"At this rate she will bleed out before we find suitable equipment."_

_"Are there no spell casters?"_

_"Not for the level she would need to return from critical."_

_"The one time that ungrateful boy would be of use and of course, he is not here."_

_"What are we to do, Dr.?"_

_"Infuse her. The J-cells will do the work. Use as much as you think she needs."_

4.

_"Be my girl, Aerith. Let me take care of you."_

3.

_"I can't promise you forever and I won't. I will never give you a house, a home, a family - the things I know you desire. I am a SOLDIER first all, anything else comes second; even you."_

**2.**

_"He's coming, Zack! Oooooooh."_

_"Just breathe, Aerith. Breathe."_

_"Don't tell me what to do! Hnnnnn. Oh, Zack, he coming. He's finally coming!"_

_"Hang in there, Aer. I'm calling the doc. Don't you move."_

_"Looks like its time, Kadaj. I can't wait to meet you." _

**1.**

_"Good night, Momma. I love you."_

_"I love you too, kiddo. Good night and sweet dreams."_

_"If Mama's here, I'll be all right. If Mama's here, she'll keep Kadaj safe!"_

_"I will, Kadaj. Even if it means from myself. I will keep you safe."_

Darkness enfolds her, and in the medical quiet, she sleeps.


	40. Rendezvous

I don't own FFVII or any of its characters.

* * *

Sephiroth tries to ignore the thrumming in his veins. Something is sparking his alien blood and he can feel it curling and whipping within him. Aerith went into surgery this morning and he should and have been there. Instead, he is playing babysitter to the Strife boy. Holding him down while he takes his shots and holding him up once he starts to reject the mako. He sighs and tightens his grip of over his gagging charge. There really is nothing in this child that could be SOLDIER.

"It would be easier if you did not fight it, Cadet," he scolds in clear exasperation.

Something is calling him to Aerith's side. It has him writhing against the restraints that Lazard has trapped him in.

"It feels like my skin is on fire, "the child moans as he scratches at his arms.

"You will never be fit for this. Lazard is a cruel man."

Strife spits up again, pitiful and pale against the bathroom walls. He curls against the man that dislikes him, and cries like the little boy he has probably never been.

The Sephiroth before Kadaj would have thrown the teen off, tossed the child to the side to escape the taint of weakness. The new Sephiroth instead gathers the child close, thinking of equally miserable green eyes. For a moment, he allows the waif to be his not-son, and tucks the blonde head beneath his chin.

"You cannot help it. It is the fault of your father, who wants more from you than you can be."

Cloud sobs into his chest and Sephiroth allows him, the wretched creature, a replacement for the one he has not comforted enough.

"It hurts." "It always does, but you will grow stronger from its taint" the white haired man assures remembering the boy has hidden strength. "You will grow strong and there will be few that will defeat you."

* * *

His veins are still crawling, his body unable to rest. His synapses scream for Aerith and flashes of a monster flash under his lashes. He must go to her.

"Aerith, where are you?" he groans with suddenly cold sweat slicked skin.

For a second, he doubles over. His palm pressed to the wall as a foreign entity assaults his senses. He grits his teeth and lets it pass. He knows this feeling; he has crushed it so many times in the past. He needs to get to Aerith fast.

"Are you alright, Sir?" Strife croaks from the support of his arm.

Gaia, he had forgotten about the boy. He will need to palm him off. The child will only be a nuisance if he takes him along. Zack. Yes, Zack will do nicely. The man has no qualms with the little Shinra. He dials the number on the PHS, ready to use Zack's open heart for his own reasons.

"I am bringing Cadet Strife to you. Tell me your location."

The voice that snaps from the phone is controlled and modulated, the military training do well to keep his subordinate in check. Anxiety dances on his skin. He is keen to be rid of the feeling. To assure himself that Aerith is safe and well.

"Cadet, let's go. We are going to rendezvous with Brigadier General Zack."


	41. Monster

I don't own FFVII or any of its characters. The quotes are taken directly from FFVII. I am not trying to plagiarize, the actual script just flows well with this piece.

* * *

_**"It looked like... our... our dead mothers... and our dead brothers. Showing us specters of their past."**_

* * *

She stumbles in the puddle of blood spreading across the Lab floors.

It will take some time to get used to this new body.

She laughs with lungs that are not hers. Finally, she is free and tangible. How foolish of these humans to think that she could be controlled. She will find her body and have her revenge; the Cetra that locked her away will pay.

She will turn this planet into a lifeless rock and with it, sail the universes once more.

* * *

_**"He first approached as a friend, deceived them, and finally... gave them the virus."**_

* * *

"Are you lost, Miss?"

No, she is not, but she is tired and this little girl will do nicely as a first sacrifice. She smiles sweetly in borrowed lips.

"What's your name, child?"

"Tifa," comes the shy answer, "I'm looking for my friend, Cloud."

Jenova scans the quiet town and the little girl's face. Yes, a pretty little sacrifice indeed.

* * *

_**"The Cetra were attacked by the virus and went mad... transforming into monsters."**_

* * *

"No."

It is all wrong as he follows the trail up Mt. Nibel. His cells pulse and pull him further up the mountain, further up the line of bodies that lead up to Nibelheim Reactor.

"What has he done to you, Aerith?" he whispers in harsh breath and disbelief.

A body near him twitches, the right side mangled and twisted into an unrecognizable state. To think that Aerith could do this...

For the first time in his adult life, Sephiroth cries; loud, wretched sounds that burn up his throat and tear out of his mouth. What monster has Hojo turned her into? She should have listened. Why didn't she listen?

"Why...?"

"Why, Aerith, are you always so cruel to me?"

His whisper is torn apart in the wind. Her destructive wake will leave him little choice. If he cannot bring her back, he will have to destroy her. The almost biological command rings deep within his ears. It is the Shinra Way. The motto that all SOLDIERS live by-neutralize the threat or destroy it.

Destroy **her**? She has already been destroyed. By Shinra, by Hojo, and Zack...

And, for what? For happiness that they have never let her truly have?

They have ruined Aerith. They have ruined him. Eventually, they will ruin Kadaj as well. Yet, still he must fight for **them**; still he must be **their** savior. He must be **their** hero and clean up **their** "mess", even if he destroys himself in the process.

No. No more.

They have broken him. He will no longer be **their **hero. He will be a monster if that is all he has left. He will be a monster and terrorize them all.

Gaia, did he or Aerith ever really stand a chance?

His always tightly held control snaps. Rage ignites a fire within him that sparks and flares outside his powerful shell. He walks past the flames unaware, his entire focus on the source of the pounding call within his soul. He will find her, and if he can, he will save her.

Damn what she wants and what she **thinks** she needs. He is done with her whims. He is done being the good guy, finished playing human. He **will** take them away, Aerith and Kadaj; and within his grasp, they will be safe.

* * *

The closer he gets, the harder his steps fall. Imagines flash before his eyes and an enormous pressure presses into his brain. White, hot images sear into his sight and leave him grasping for support.

_**Sephiroth.**_

A siren song that becomes stronger with each foot forward.

* * *

_**"The one the Professor mistook for a Cetra... was named Jenova. That is the 'Crisis from the Skies."**_

* * *

"Welcome, Sephiroth, my most beloved son."

No.

"What have you done to her?"

"Why, I have devoured her of course."

He is too late. **He is always too late**.


	42. Jenova

I do not own FFVII or any of its characters.

* * *

Sephiroth wants to crush the hands that roam Aerith's body.

"Who are you?"

Not-Aerith smiles a cruel smile that stretches the skin of her lips, everything about her blaring inhuman and unknown.

"I am the Calamity from the Skies," the creature laughs with Aerith's sweet face. "This world would know me as Jenova."

Sharps images rip through Sephiroth's vision causing him to flinch. A black mist floats from his skin as the usurper grins at him.

Jenova...

He remembers a pool of blood and Kadaj's limp body. Something grotesque and hidden in a glass tube, its name emblazoned on a silver plaque.

"What are you?" the SOLDIER hisses, fingers itching for the Masamune.

Sephiroth's senses spark and snap at him.

"Leave her. Leave her body."

"Aerith" snarls an answer, her face twisting into something terrible and supernatural.

"Did she not hurt you? Did she not betray you? Yet, you would love her still. You would love her over your own mother."

Sephiroth recoils. This being his mother? Subject 00? No. Only a small part of her calls to him, a tiny sliver that pulls and whines in unintelligible tones. The rest rejects her and is repulsed. This woman cannot be **his **mother.

"You are no mother of mine," he growls, angry that the alien would think him so easy to manipulate.

Her shriek is unexpected as she tears away what little remains of her hospital gown.

"It is my cells that flow through you," she hisses as she gestures at her borrowed body, "My cells that brought you life and breath."

Is that not the very definition of a mother?" the entity cries in a surprisingly distraught tone.

The General sidesteps an attempt to run fingers along his jaw. He grabs at the appendages, holding them tightly and away. Gaia, he hopes he can get Aerith back. He does not think he has the will to destroy her. If only it did not wear Aerith's face, he would have the strength to do what needs to be done.

"You would be a God but if that wretch did not tame you." the witch snarls up at him. "With this body I will consume her and remove this spell on you."

"There is no spell you wretched thing."

Jenova leans further into Sephiroth's space, her scent mako sweet and disgusting.

"I would have you."

With a wretch of her wrist, she is across the room. A putrid scent fills the air as the monster shatters a glass prison. In his earlier distress, Sephiroth had taken no note of his whereabouts.

How foolish...

"So long..." the beast croons as she reaches into broken glass and formaldehyde. She rests her forehead to her severed counterpart, a misplaced smile coloring across her mouth.

Sephiroth nearly retches as he watches Not-Aerith push the head into her chest. Her body begins to absorb it with sick, wet sounds.

"What are you doing?" he demands over the panic rising in his chest.

"Becoming one," Jenova smirks from her crouched position.

The head sinks in further.

In horror, he watches as Aerith's body convulses and warps. Horrified green flickers towards him for a split second, and in that moment, he knows Aerith is lost. His prayers, like always, have not been answered.

With a final shake, Jenova draws up, her voice cackling and ringing off the walls.

"Finally," she crows, her arms wide and triumphant.

Smirking, she looks across the way to her sole spectator.

_Destroy her_._ Destroy it._ The call comes from the very basis of Sephiroth's DNA.

_She is Aerith..._ He tries reason with his inner self.

Endless black eyes bore into Sephiroth, violating his being with a long tempted look.

_She is not._

Sephiroth shivers and calls the Masamune to him.

"Don't make me kill you," he whispers at the laughing demon.

The General is graced with a passing of her brown locks before the entity is lost and running out the door. He gives chase with his hand gripped tight on his sword, and dread filling all his broken places.

* * *

He can barely follow her through the twists and the turns. He runs after the footsteps that echo through the metal walls, his heart clamoring in turmoil.

Jenova stops on a platform raised right above the reactor. It is a dead-end and there is no way out. For a second, Sephiroth wonders if she will jump. He breathes easier when her tight grasp and awkward lean on the railing belies that she may be too weak.

Jenova glares at her adversary, daggers boring into the man who she should call son.

"You will kill the both of us," she pleads, hoping to play his emotions into a reprieve.

Pain contorts Sephiroth's features.

"She is already dead unless you return her."

His hands twitch over the hilt of his sword, his emotions making him depart from his usually smooth and fluid fighting style.

"Is there really no love in your heart for me? I would give you the universe, my son, if you would but let me."

"Return her."

Jenova growls, her eyes turning darker than black and a storm of anger rolling across her face.

"You used to listen to me as a good son should. But then this girl..." the entity spits with unconcealed hate, "...this child and her brat have made you a slave to her whims."

Power accumulates as Jenova's cells acclimate to their mortal shell. Her pale hands leave the railing, her long forgotten strength flooding back to her in her wrath. Standing tall, she sneers at the sword Sephiroth draws warily up to her throat.

"There is a spell on you and I will devour those who have cast it. She and her wretch shall lie at the bottom of my belly, and you, who will be free of their taint, will come to me."

Defeat clouds Sephiroth's thoughts over the threat to Kadaj. He is to be protected above all else. Even Aerith had promised this of him.

He grits his teeth together as the resolution crashes into him. He offers one more chance, hoping that his childhood love can find the strength to break through.

"Aerith, come back to me."

"She is gone," snarls the wraith before him, "and soon her child will be too."

Sephiroth closes his eyes for a moment, a silent prayer leaving his lips for the pain that has been caused and will be caused.

"I will take care of him," he promises with wet eyes and surges forward before Jenova can take the offensive.

He slashes at her, bringing her knees. Black blood rushes through the hands Jenova has clutched at her wound. The woman scowls at the blow and throws a bolt of pure energy.

Sephiroth teleports from the attack and its follow-ups to reappears right above his target He does not linger long; this might be his only chance to strike at the demon before she comes into full control of her might. . From his vantage point, she could be praying as she tries to heal herself.

He points the sword down, the blade poised above the heart. One strike and it will be over; the last decades of his love will lie dead at his feet. His emotions win and break a sob as his blade strikes home. Aerith's body is butter soft against the cut and Jenova sinks gracelessly to her knees, the sword holding her up as it impales.

"I'm sorry, Aerith. I'm so sorry."

Aerith's emerald orbs sear into him, her brackish blood pouring out to burn.

"I'll be going now. Watch over him until it's over, Seph."

Sephiroth gasps and steps back only to be greeted by soulless black eyes.

"I would have loved you," Jenova whispers in harsh disbelief.

Sephiroth moves his sword to break her spine and he flinches at the crunch. The light fades from Jenovas's eyes, and her body slumps lazily to the catwalk floor. He nearly screams as he wretches his sword away from the body.

It clatters noisily to the ground but he can pay it no heed. All he can see is Aerith's brown hair, her bled-out skin, and the blood that itches and drips off his hands.

"Aerith," he keens, his voice breaking and becoming preternatural over his distress.

He does not notice the body behind him until it is too late.

"You bastard," snarls Zack as the sword bursts through Sephiroth's chest.

Sephiroth's blood sprays into rivulets that run next to Aerith. They mingle as the 2ND drives the blade deeper. The crimson mess swirls into a swansong over the sides of the platform.

Sephiroth's eyes flutter as blood spews from his lips. Nothing good ever happens in Nibelheim.


	43. Smile

I don't own FFVII or any of its characters. Some of the dialogue was taken from the actual game. I do not own it either.

* * *

**AN**: I'm not one to rely on comments, but I have to say I was surprised at the lack of response from the last chapter. I thought I would at least get flames…Anyhow, onwards to the story. Things are about to hit the fan.

* * *

"Smile," Zack commands from his awkward position as both photographer and subject.

His PHS flashes on the count of three, immortalizing the image of him and his miserable charges. The 2ND sighs at the picture knowing it would be useless to attempt another. Maybe later he will try again, today is not the best of days

At least Cloud has tried to smile, pained, as it may have been. The mako is probably still in his system, wreaking havoc on his body. Kadaj, on the other hand, glowers unapologetic. Aerith's phone call and Sephiroth's departure have left the boy in a foul, anxious mood.

"Buck up, kid," Zack reprimands as he playfully drags Cloud under an arm. "Aren't you glad to be back home?"

Cloud seems to cringe back into himself at the question. His blue eyes look everywhere else and his hands wring together.

The teen pastes on a smile for his mentor, but the 2ND can feel his nervous energy. This hike was supposed to be fun but it is quickly turning into a disaster. He probably would have been better served to let them play PHS games back at the Shinra facilities.

"Can I stay here?" the teen whispers out in such a pathetic voice that Kadaj snorts.

In a much firmer tone, the trainee asks again, "If you don't mind, sir, I would really like to stay."

Zack quirks a surprised brow at his mentee's reluctance. The kid's file had said his mother lived here. It is odd that Cloud would not want the opportunity to see her.

"Don't you want to see your mother?" Zack quizzes, "and show us the town? You were born here. It's your hometown…"

He does not miss the clench to Cloud's fist or the way child's eyes burn into sapphire.

"They've never liked me and my mom sent me away, sir," the teen mumbles in an angry, aggrieved tone, "I don't think anyone would want to see me back so soon."

"They probably didn't like him here either," Kadaj scowls, feeling left out.

Zack glares at his boy and is ready to pull the preteen aside when Cloud cuts harshly back.

"A runaway mom isn't really that much better."

The younger boy's eyes flash fire and he snarls.

"I'll kill you."

Kadaj lunges for Clou,d a strange aura over taking his body. Zack is barely quick enough to intercede, grabbing the two offenders under his large arms. The black haired man shakes his head at his son, stretching an arm to bring his sulking boy under his wing.

"I thought we said no fighting," Zack scolds at his two boys.

"We're going to be friends on this trip," he says with a slight tightening of his arm on Kadaj, "and that means being nice to each other."

"Yes sir," Cloud mumbles hollowly. He is the only one to give an answer.

Zack fights the urge to groan.

Cloud looks bashfully from the cage of his mentor's arms. His momentary defiance lost in the nervous biting of his lip. He is an easy thing to bring to heel, only a soft touch and warning tone needed to bring him back to line.

Kadaj rages from his prison snarling out threats that eventually turn into angry, frustrated tears. The child cries quietly in the gentle chokehold. Zack decides to let him be. Kadaj, for all his tears, is sometimes an unbendable creature

"I'm sorry," Cloud whines with pleading eyes some moments later. He reminds Zack of chastised puppy.

"I'm sorry, too." Kadaj answers in a low tone, his eyes on Cloud and his face sincere.

Zack nearly stumbles at Kadaj's unexpected voice. Pride swells in him but he does not comment. Quietly, never releasing his hold, he drags his boys up the mountain and towards the town of Nibelheim.

* * *

"I don't want to walk anymore," Kadaj moans from farther down the trail.

Zack smirks and tosses a laugh his son's way. He raised himself a city boy and that ain't no fault but his own.

"We can stop if you're tired," Cloud offers in a foolish bid to be helpful.

The silver haired boy glowers at him through snow-white lashes.

"We're nearly there, lazy bones," the 2ND teases from the head of the group. "When we get to the town, we'll take a rest."

His city-born son stops and huffs, kicking at dirt and stone in agitation.

"Just take stupid Cloud to your stupid town and leave me here!" his boy shrieks in childish pique.

Embarrassed, the child hides his face in his arms.

Zack calms himself, understanding the reason for Kadaj's sudden fit. Aerith went into surgery this morning and they have not heard word since. Zack had thought that a hike would clear the preteen's mind, but the trip only seems to chafe at his son.

"Your Ma's gonna be fine, Kadaj," the black haired man sighs in an empathetic tone.

He is hoping all goes well too. It is not a serious procedure but the thought of losing his wife causes everything to become raw. He is an adult and the thought hurts him; he can only imagine what his son is feeling.

Zack is answered with an agitated, shaky breath.

"She'll be fine," he repeats in a steadier tone, backtracking and bringing his son into his grasp.

"Promise," Kadaj pleads from under the shelter of his broad arm.

"Promise," Zack responds with the surety of a father. "When we get to the town, we'll take a pic and give it to her. I bet she'd like that."

* * *

"Say cheese."

Cloud's smile is again a disaster and Kadaj's scowl is hardly convincing.

When Zack goes to reprimand his son, Kadaj snaps back, at his limit.

"Why do you care so much about a stupid picture when she hasn't called?' he bawls as Zack attempts to set him straight.

"You don't care. You never care," the child accuses before running past his companions and further into the village.

"Now that ain't true," Zack growls from behind, reaching to grab Kadaj's arm.

He wretches Zack off and darts away only to be rocked by a sudden blast.

"What was that?"

Zack jumps to alert at the sudden threat, pushing Kadaj behind him. They proceed with caution until a familiar scent hits Zack's nose.

He smelt it too many times during Wutai to forget its scent. Somewhere flesh is burning, and the acrid odor means its close by.

"Stay here," the SOLDIER warns, unwilling to let his charges deal with what will most likely be a gruesome scene. "Only come after me if you're in trouble, otherwise, wait until I come back."

Kadaj nods his head in surprising obedience and Cloud squares his shoulders in an attempt at bravery.

"Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes sir," the boys respond in unison. Zack tries not to look back as he begins his rushed descent up the mountain.

* * *

He sees flames as he draws closer and tries not trip over the twisted bodies that block his path.

What in Gaia's name…?

He almost cannot look, bile rising thick and insistent in his throat. He swallows and whispers a prayer, careful to keep the tips of his steel boots from stepping on the ends of someone's entrails.

Smoke blinds even his mako eyes and his lungs choke on the ether of the Firaga spell. Few people can cast a spell of this caliber and even fewer still have the ability to have it burn so hot. The culprit must be SOLDIER and a high leveled one at that.

Zack's gut twists at the implications. His demon days are over but there were times when Sephiroth had made Wutai burn like Hell itself.

No.

Sephiroth has never killed like this, messy, personal, and mutilated. Zack has seen Sephiroth massacre enough people to know when he sees his work. But, if this is not Sephiroth, then who is it?

The bodies Zack realizes with another sick swallow. Follow the trail and he will find the killer.

* * *

The reactor is full of mako stink. He can hear it bubbling and brewing underneath his feet. It is dark but the mako illuminates the corners in eerie green. Out of nowhere, the echo of running footsteps pounds within the reactor walls.

Above. The hanging walkways almost shake with the force. A smattering of stray energy strikes near Zack's feet. The SOLDIER dances out of the way and glares at the resulting burn. Zack frowns with dark anticipation. He will catch up to whoever it is and bring them to heel, to justice at Shinra's feet.

* * *

He traces the sounds until he is certain he has found the correct staircase. Stunned he listens as Sephiroth's voice carries through the metals walls. The other voice is too soft to make out until he is up close and by then he is too late.

He catches the familiar sound of a sword through flesh and speeds up his steps, horror spurring the pace of his footfall.

"I'll be going now, Seph. Take care of him."

No.

The crunch of Aerith's spine echoes throughout building, into all the cracks and hidden rooms and deepest, darkest places of Zack's nightmares.

No.

He almost cannot comprehend it, the numbness that spreads with the flow of her blood. His feet move forward, his eye unable to break away from the mother of his child, from body at Sephiroth's feet.

"Aerith."

Sephiroth's keen awakens Zack, sets alive his fury. How dare he mourn? How dare he play at sadness when Zack saw her murder with his own two eyes?

The sword feels good in his hand. It feels right. Sliding through Sephiroth's chest it feels even better. This is only the first strike though. He screams with decades full of hidden resentment and recent rage, and that does not abate his anger at all.

He will destroy him. Tear that murder's body apart with his bare hands. No one will stand in his way. He will send the silver- haired fiend straight to Hell.

"Monster."

Anger swells within, chokes him with its wrath, and wraps him in an armor of irrationality. He forgets the two little boys waiting for him patiently down the mountain. He forgets the lessons Angeal taught him on honor and his SOLDIER control. All he can see is revenge. All he can taste is retribution, and by every thrumming fiber of his body, he will have it.

He will bleed the bastard out nice and slow and then desecrate what little remains after.

Gaia have mercy upon his wicked soul.


	44. Realizations

I don't own FFVII or any of its characters.

Some of the dialogue was taken from the actual game. I do not own it either.

* * *

They fight for ages. Zack too angry to listen and Sephiroth too tired to argue. The grave wound in Sephiroth's chest evening out the playing field.

Blow after blow, parry after parry, they fight, exorcising all the demons grown in loving the same woman for the last 20 years.

Sephiroth staggers on blood and Zack attacks viciously, using his most powerful spell to deepen the effect of his violent blow.

"Go to hell, you monster."

Sephiroth growls and stands up straight, the sword sticking from his gut, painful and sharp. How is he a monster when it is everyone else who has destroyed her? He looks unholy as his hair floats about him and his eyes blaze with green fury.

"Aerith is gone."

His hands tighten over Zack's neck, the strength of his will crushing the man in his grasp.

"Aerith will no longer talk, no longer laugh, cry..., or get angry..."

"I should have killed you the first time I saw you."

With a furious sound, Sephiroth drives the rest of his power into his rival before tossing the man aside; far and away from him, away from Aerith to a place where Zack can no longer hurt her.

He staggers and gasps as he pulls at the sword embedded within his body. Weak, he falls to his knees, in angry, impotent tears. No fire or ice, his world will end in a long-suffering sigh.

* * *

The General weeps until a blasts rock the reactor.

He struggles up only to look into livid blue eyes.

"General," the child echoes from behind a halo of Kadaj's hair.

The SOLDIER does not ask how such a slight thing has the ability to lift someone Kadaj's size. He is just grateful that _someone_ is holding onto _**his son**_.

He laughs, dripping blood from his lips and turns pleading eyes to the cadet he has never liked, but somehow holds the only person he still loves on this plane.

"Run."

Another blast breaks at the already straining catwalk and its supports snap under the strain.

"Run, Cadet," Sephiroth snaps, desperate to see his task to the end. "Run and don't dare look back."

The echoes of clumsy boots ring in his ears and the tired man sighs in pained relief.

* * *

The catwalk sways as the last of the cables snap. Aerith's body slides by and in a moment of absolute weakness, Sephiroth finds himself cradling her. The platform lurches to the side but Sephiroth cannot find the strength to move. He is too tired. Perhaps, today he will rest.

Together they plummet, the seconds long drop lasting endless lifetimes and unspoken regrets.

"I wish I could have given you better," Sephiroth nuzzles into Aerith's matted hair

A sigh escapes his lips as the cool of her body bleeds into his own.

"I'm sorry... Aerith. I should have figured this out sooner."

Her dead body gives no response to the hopeless confession. It is just as well. He will be dead soon too.

Their skin burns as they break the mako pool surface.


	45. Protect

I do not own FFVII.

* * *

Hojo wipes the blood from his brow. The world is a kaleidoscope between his broken lenses. He spits out blood and curses women everywhere and the weakness of his own lust. Raising himself to cackling radio, he wonders at how it survived.

"This is Hojo," he grits through broken teeth.

The air is foul, permeated by an alien stink. Bolts of discarded power twist about the room's equipment and occasionally around a body on the floor.

"We are awaiting your orders, Sir."

"Find me the boy. He is your number one priority."

He laughs as he coughs up blood, his ribs causing his mirth to ache. He flexes his hands over the wounds Jenova gave him and fixes his glasses more firmly on his nose.

"You thought to fool me, my dear, but it is I who shall have the last laugh."

* * *

"He said to wait, Kadaj."

"I heard what he said, but he's taking too long."

"He'll be angry."

"Quit being a suck up."

"Are you coming or not, Strife?"

He is angrily following Kadaj when all hell breaks loose. Their only warning is the snap of a twig before SHINRA Elite surround them.

"Put your hands up," bellows the leader, a spell glowing in his hands.

Kadaj staggers back, the fear coming off him in waves. Cloud is little better though he steels himself otherwise. Gripping his trainee sword tight, he pulls himself into a fighting stance.

"Who are you? What do you want?" Kadaj screams with a barely concealed hysteria.

He has only ever sparred. His response is only natural. The younger boy does not even protest when Cloud pushes him behind. Instead, he hangs warily from behind his former nemesis' back.

"On the count of three, I want you to run."

Kadaj nods bracing himself. Absently, Cloud notices wisps of black smoke uncurl from the other boy.

No one is prepared for the monster that appears in the middle of their attackers. Without as much as a snarl, its victim is torn asunder. The Elite formation breaks as more monsters appear and pandemonium spreads.

Cloud and Kadaj watch in horror as the beasts ravish their assailants, their screams and cries fodder for nightmares for years to come. One of the dog like creatures stops before them, its inhuman eyes keenly upon Kadaj's form.

"Run," Cloud yells, tasting terror on his tongue.

They are only a few yards away when a BOLT spell slams into Kadaj. He falls with a shriek, his body twisting and convulsing before he goes limp. His unconscious state seems to release something and the black smoke curling about his body dissipates; and with it, the monsters too.

Cloud screams, shaking Kadaj.

"Wake up," he commands through slowly reddening fog.

Kadaj can't be dead. They were supposed to be friends.

"The target has been subdued."

Cloud whips his head around at the voice, his eyes slitting into an animal intensity. Foreign thoughts seep into his brain, fueling the anger until it is uncontrollable. How dare they? To hurt what is his, to hurt his little master. They will pay with their flesh and then he will take his lord to safety.

Blind with fury and a spirit that is not his own, Cloud braces himself to attack. Unaware, he loses himself to the Beast and a long, dangerous snarl tears loose as he launches at his first victim.

He tastes their ichors and crunches through their bones but it not enough. They are alive and are too many. The hair on the back of his neck rises, his energies crackling across his skin. He howls, calling for the shadows to come back and protect Kadaj, his master and their lord. They burst and surround the boy, leaving Cloud to chase blood.

* * *

"It is time."

"Not yet, Galian."

"Our seed calls to us. We cannot ignore them. "

"It is not time yet. Let us rest a little longer."

* * *

Red, Everything and everyone is red.

Monster.

They were right, those children of his youth. The judgment they had cast with stones and boots has led to truth.

He shudders as he spills his stomach over the carnage. Their attackers lie in pieces all around him. He screams over the skin left under his fingernails.

A shadow beast crawls over and licks at the blood on his face. It whines at his distress and soon others join it. They overwhelm Cloud, snuffling and tickling away the evidence of his crime until a part of him understands and is satisfied.

"Stop it," he commands and they disappear in a puff of smoke.

Shakily, he gets to his feet. Hoping against all hopes that Kadaj is all right and will awaken at his touch. Unfortunately, his wish is not granted and Kadaj lies still and eerily quiet.

"Kadaj," Cloud hisses in fear, "Wake up."

But, he doesn't get up. Cloud starts to hyperventilate in panic. Kadaj is too light in his grip, too childlike and small.

_**Protect**_

His body commands from a place slumbering. His feet move on their own accord, paying little attention to his alarmed surprise. Cloud frets for a moment at the pathway his mentor had taken.

Zack had said not to follow…

_**Protect.**_

The beast inside of Cloud reacts and an unnatural warmth threads through his body.

_**Protect.**_

Eventually, he melds with the feeling, his steps becoming his own as he runs faster and faster up the mountain way path.

_**Protect**_

Zack.

Zack can protect them all. He is a hero after all and he has saved Cloud countless times

* * *

His lungs burn by the time they reach the reactor. He had run through flame and foe to get here and his body is tired. Kadaj is heavy in his arms and the weight of his responsibility is crushing. The inside of the reactor is unsettling, the walls illuminated with an unearthly green light. He jumps at the tiniest sound, the rush of adrenaline keeping his nerves tight.

Explosions rip around him as fire spreads to the outer walls of the reactor, the delicate instruments that control mako unable to hold up against the heat of magic. He climbs higher and higher as he searches for his lost mentor, desperately calling out Zack's name.

* * *

Where is Zack? Tears run down his face, streaking soot and blood stained tracks. He considers giving up and running back out but Kadaj looks so pale against the skin of his arms and his hidden voice growls at him no. He keeps calling, his voice fighting to keep from sobs.

Finally, he hears voices and follows the echoes with renewed fervor. Hopes threads through him as his steps quicken. Someone is there. Someone is there to save them, to take them back where it is warm and safe.

* * *

He finds only a weeping god and Kadaj's dead mother. He is angry to see his idol crumbled before his very eyes, angry that maybe, he and Kadaj will not be saved.

"General."

He is scared by Sephiroth's bloodstained laugh and narrowed eyes. He has always known the 1St was something more but now, he looks completely inhuman.

"Run."

For a second, Cloud is not sure if the words are a warning or a threat. He hesitates on the command, despairing that there is **nowhere** to run. An explosion rocks them and Cloud struggles to stay on his feet.

"Run, Cadet," his General snaps, "Run and don't dare look back."

Cloud gasps at the green slit pupils burning his way and near trips over his two feet to be away from it. He hears a quiet sigh over his shoulders and fights to keep a shudder from his body.

He returns to an inferno, the flames licking at his skin and the smoke cutting off his air. His eyes burn with heat and his path down the stairs becomes harder to see.

He stumbles as he reaches the last step. The heated floor blisters his knees as Kadaj tumbles from his arms. He watches a spark sings the ends of Kadaj's hair while fighting with himself to stand up. He lets his tears go at his impotence. He is only 14. He does not want to die yet.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Cloud wails into his blistered hands.

He is only 14…

"No!"Somewhere inside him roars.

**No.**

An alien resolve floods through him, muting his desolate feelings. He has to find safety. He must protect **him.** Cloud climbs unsteadily to his feet and finds Kadaj before staggering on his way.

He stops when one of the black creatures appears suddenly before him. They regard each other warily before it dips its head and turns in another direction.

**Safety.**

Cloud follows in blind trust. There is little else to rely on.

XXX

He falls again when they reach safety, gently letting his burden down before falling beside him gracelessly. He takes big, great gulps of clean air and despite himself, he smiles. The demon that had led him nuzzles at his face before puffing into smoke.

He loses consciousness slowly, his nerves releasing the adrenaline they held tight. He slumps over, aware of Kadaj. He throws an arm over him, his last watchful action of protection. After the day he has had, the darkness is welcome.

* * *

"You disobeyed, you vile thing."

_Whine._

"The WEAPON is to protect him. His WEAPON will not learn if you are constantly there to protect. You will remember the Pact though it may pain us to do so."

_Yip._

"Return to your master."

* * *

"Finally," Hojo crows as his mercenaries guide him into the clearing.

He had only just changed his clothes when the reports of the previous squad crackled through the radio. Even now, his wounds bleed sluggishly, but at least he can see.

"Be quick," he snaps. SHINRA will be on its way soon and they need to been gone before questions can be asked.

"What about the other one?" an aide asks while toeing the boy's shoulder.

Strife. The scientist feels his lip curl over the memory of him. JC1. The child that showed no marked change and nearly ended the 2nd stage of the Jenova project before it began.

"Kill him," his assistant Wreic commands as they have previously discussed.

"Wait," the head scientist barks. "Bring him. If he does not prove useful, let him be fodder for the beasts."

Hojo does not usually like to trouble himself on these little things, but that is when he is not curious. There were at least 10 men in the initial reconnaissance group sent. All of them dead, all of them ripped apart by children more than half their age. Despite his confidence in the Fair boy, 10 grown Elite are a hard challenge to take. The child had to have help and the only one with him was Strife. It is curious indeed, and a puzzle that Hojo means to solve.

It will be interesting to see if he can make this one failure a success. The Labs wait.


	46. Hate

I do not own FFVII or any or its characters.

* * *

"It's too bright."

Zack groans as he rolls over to turn off the light. He finds his arms are caught and he is puzzled. His eyes travel up the length to IVs and monitors. That is when he realizes he is in the hospital.

They sedate him, of course. A 2ND class SOLDIER grieving for his wife is hardly something a layman can handle. Carefully, they ease him back and strap him in.

He welcomes the drugs. With them, there is just the nothing and the nothing is less painful than something. If it were not these drugs, then it would be alcohol; such is the man he has become. It takes him three hazy days to realize Kadaj has not visited.

They move him to a maximum-security unit the next day. It is for his own good they say. For healing...

He finds that he hates them all.

* * *

One day, he wakes to Angeal sitting beside his bed. The man who taught him honor and love, but not how to protect the ones he loves most.

"I'm sorry," the older man mumbles, his eyes aching with tears.

Zack turns away because he almost hates Angeal too. It is better to stare at the walls.

* * *

"You've been promoted," Lazard rasps from a corner of the room, with controlled melancholy and a blaming gaze. Zack sees hate in the Shinra blues and adds Cloud to his grief too.

* * *

He heals slowly. His SOLDIER blood pushing him forward and his broken heart back.

They tell him about the funeral a week after his discharge. They tell him it has all been planned, that he does not have to worry. He hates them so much that it makes him sick.

He aims for the funeral director's shoes.

* * *

They stuff him in a suit, pristine and the perfect SOLDIER. It is hot, Midgar always is. He wishes he were in Aerith's garden, in her abandoned church that she brought to life. He can almost feel her fingers on the back his neck. But, it is only his hair, the strands too long from want of cutting.

He has not cried up until this point, too hurt and too angry to feel any other emotion. The tears have no trouble making themselves known. He breaks down on national TV and becomes the golden boy of ShinraPR.

"I'm sorry," he whispers to the empty caskets of his wife and son. It is the only eulogy he can give.

When he is done, he sits down and ignores the next speaker's flowery words. He keeps his eyes down throughout the memorial, wary of making his mourning even more of a spectacle. At the end, he exits without looking anyone in the eye, his fist clenched. He hates them all, and their perfect lives.

* * *

_To Mrs. Aerith Fair, _

He still gets mail addressed to them, dated, and carefully written. When the shreds are settled, he breathes deeply and wonders what it would be like to join them in their heaven.

He counts the ways and finds them too many. Alcohol becomes his method of choice.

Rum, whiskey, vodka are his pallbearers carrying him home. He smiles and cries as he drowns because when he does not, he finds that he hates himself. The feeling is becoming too natural.

* * *

While he recovers, he visits their graves, SHINRA paid for and just as shallow. He is meticulous, and they are neat and flowered despite his life being a mess.

Sometimes, he speaks to them, wanting their words but hearing only silence. Their reticence makes him angry and sometimes, he hates them too.


	47. Home

I do not own FFVII or any of its characters.

**TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE**

* * *

He had been given leave. Bereavement they called it after the death of his wife and son. Bereavement barely scratches the surface of what he feels. SHINRA does not understand, they wouldn't understand, but still they had given him leave dished with a hard to swallow pity. Zack had left numb and ungrateful. He had wanted the looks and the whispers to stop. A flipped conference table silenced everything. With pursed lips, they sent him away.

Thinking it was mercy, Zack spit on the floor before he left.

He had gone home, drunk a bottle a whiskey, and sang brokenhearted love songs all throughout the night. Angeal caught him the next morning, an alcoholic wreck crying in his son's room. He was wearing Aerith's favorite bathrobe. The older man had slapped him, sobered him up, and put his former mentee on a train straight to Gongaga.

* * *

Zack has not been home for years. His father dead and his mother a ghost of her own choice, how this trip would help him he does not know.

He smells the sea before the train is even near it. He remembers the sea salt of the water blending in with tears. He used to bathe there after a beating session. The water did little to heal his wounds, just like the town itself.

Picking up his bag, the 2ND lumbers towards his childhood home. Passing his father's cemetery, he does not pause to stop. Dust to dust, ashes to ashes, he hopes worms eat through that alcohol pickled body.

Suddenly, he is at the front door of his mother's house. He rings the bell once and steadies himself for the sight of her. His mother alternates between kisses and tears; she has not seen her son in decades. Zack sinks his head on her steady shoulders and cries for everything that he has lost.

* * *

He stares at the cup of tea mindlessly, the action soothing and avoidant. His mother sits across from him, silent and tearful. Zack almost scoffs at how nothing changes -once a martyr, always a martyr. Marissa Fair would have made an excellent saint.

Mrs. Fair clears her throat quietly. Zack tries to ignore the scar that moves with each swallow.

"I heard the news, Zack. I wish I could have met them," his mother sighs, her tone resigned and used to suffering.

"They were never going to step foot in this house," he whispers, his glowing an angry blue.

Marissa Fair recoils and wraps her shawl around tight. Her hands shake when she lifts her teacup. Her voice is watery and thin.

"I was only trying to help, to comfort you," she gently admonishes.

The SOLDIER calms the fury that rushes at her words, but he cannot stop the venom.

"Ma, please. You weren't good at it when I was a kid and you sure as hell ain't good at it now."

Angrily, his mother slams her cup down, adding another chip to the already imperfect china.

"Then, why did you come back? Why here, Zachary, if you hate me so much?"

Zack deflates at her words.

"They gave me leave and I didn't have nowhere else to go."

A heavy silence sits between the two. Finally, Mrs. Fair reacts. She blows out her candle and stands. Touching a motherly hand to her son's face, she sighs and lets go.

"Stay as long as it takes. You may hate me and mine, Zachary Fair, but this house will always be your home."

Zack does not respond, choosing instead to stare into the dark.

* * *

Her son continues to ignore her. The SOLDIER drifts about the house, an invited wraith that casts sullen eyes and empties the whiskey flasks at night. They do not share meals and their schedule rarely matches. One skitters away when the other walks in. They do this dance for days on end.

The only time they meet is on evenings when both are lost and the devil's water tastes too sweet. On these nights, loose lipped and glassy eyed; they talk about everything and nothing at all. Sip by sip, Marissa fair begins to learn about the man her child has become. He is a terribly flawed creature.

She breaks the silence first on a particularly moody night. They have been drinking for hours, their hearts lost in distant places. Fireflies dance in between them as if to steal secrets from their lips.

"Tell me about your wife," she whispers.

Zack shudders at her plea.

"She was beautiful," he answers in a croak; the mere thought of Aerith makes it hard to breathe.

"If you had of met her, you would have loved her," he whispers into trembling hands, his wedding band gleaming in the lowlight.

"And, your son," Marissa asks, almost in awe of her son's devotion.

Zack curls over in a movement that startles the fireflies around him and knocks over his half-full glass.

"My son…," the man chokes, writhing back and forth as though everything pains hi, "my son was perfect."

* * *

Weeks pass by and they do not speak.

He sits in the living room this time and not on the usual porch step. Picture frames surround him, the glass cracked by domestic fights or Zack's fury, Marissa does not know. She prepares to sweep quietly into her bedroom until a weary voice brings a question to her ears.

"Did he love me?"

She can barely process the words, they are so slurred and out of place. Still, she gives pause, her eyes drifting towards a wall that had known her husband's fist and her weeping body. Holding herself, she answers from long buried memories.

"Yes," she sighs as she recollects a demon that had wept and cried at his son's birth, and yet, had so easily broken his baby bones. "In his own way, I think he did."

Zack remains quiet, as though he is digesting the answer.

How many times had Kadaj asked him the same question? How many times had he given his son an answer just as sorry as his mother's?

Suddenly, Zack wants to vomit, to throw up all the guilt, and hurt, and similarities between himself and his dead boy.

Another question slips from his lips as his mother turns to leave.

"And you, Ma? Did you love me as well?"

Maybe he can find the answer to his own failings in his mother's ways.

Aggrieved, the older woman takes a step forward, then back as she catches herself.

"Of course I did. I did the moment I had you in my arms."

Zack's breath hitches. A muted sound slides from his throat before he steadies himself. Only one question comes to mind after her answer, Zack's heart tightens as he wonders if Kadaj had ever wanted to ask this same question.

"Then why'd you stay?"

"You don't understand, Zack. Being a parent… it ain't easy. You're always making mistakes. Haven't you ever made a mistake?"

"I have and I'm paying for it, Ma. I'm paying for it every damn day of my life."

* * *

They do not speak again until Zack's final night.

She finds him in his bedroom, shoulders hunched and whiskey sad. Toys from his childhood lay dashed around the room, but in his hands, he holds a dirty and well-loved stuffed wolf.

The words linger on her tongue, unwilling to leave. She wrings her hands and searches her heart. This may be the last she sees him, this tragic son of hers.

"I don't know what you want from me, Zack. Do you want me to apologize about your father? Tell you that he didn't love you and that's why he was the way he was? I can't, Zack. I can't tell you that. I can't explain to you a man who could hurt you in one breath and pray for you in another."

Zack clutches the stuffed toy tighter.

"It was the booze that got him in the end, turned him into an evil man. That devil water, it got to him, and it burnt him good. He was never right once he got drunk. He couldn't tell if he was comin' or goin'. Your Pa was never a good man but he loved you still and I can't tell you otherwise. He jest got lost somewhere along the way."

Zack sits statue still. He stays so still that Mrs. Fair fears that he is ignoring her and turns to leave.

"He was a monster and that ain't never gonna change, but you, what I could never understand was you."

"You don't understand, Zack," Marissa rushes in a pained tone. "In those times, things weren't as easy as they are now. A woman couldn't just leave, 'specially not one with a child."

"Things had to be sacrificed," she whispers in a lifeless tone.

"Things like me?" Zack answers bitterly. "You let him beat me. You'd stand there and cry, but he'd beat me all the same."

"You weren't the only one who had things happen to them," Marissa counters as tears slip through her closed eyes.

"Did you love him?"

"A girl in my situation couldn't afford love, Zack. I was 17 and pregnant. I was in a bad spot. I didn't finish school and I didn't have no skills. How was I supposed to raise a baby and give him a life like that? I had to marry your father; I had nowhere else to go. "

"Did you… did you ever try to leave him?"

"I did once when he got you real bad. I tried to run and never did it again."

Zack turns and looks at his mother as if seeing her for the first time, a victim instead of a co-conspirator. She takes his gaze as an invitation to draw closer.

"I don't remember."

"You was small then, barely out of diapers. It was like he was possessed. He woulda killed you that night, I'm sure. He was madder than I'd ever seen him, alcohol on his breath and fury in his eyes."

"What did you do?"

"He was hitting you, beat you to a damn near pulp. Shiva, you was just a baby. All I could think was, 'He's gonna kill him. He's gonna kill my baby' and I jumped in. Gaia, the rage in him that night. He did things to me, Zack, terrible things."

"When he left for work the next day, I couldn't do a minute more. So, I took you and ran. I ran all the way to my Pa's house, thinking he would take me in, but he'd have none of it. I'd already shamed him once he wasn't going to have it again. He told me I'd made my bed and now I had to lie in it."

"He called your Pa soon as he could. And that's when I knew. I had nowhere to go, nowhere to run to. I didn't have a single person to give one damn about me and mine. I was trapped, we were trapped. Until the day that man died, I lived knowing it. He made sure I did."

"Ma…"

"I'd look at his face and just know he knew it. And, that he knew I knew it, too. I couldn't breathe for the regrets I had; letting him sweet-talk me, laying down side that man, marrying him. But most of all, I regretted bringing you into such a home, having to raise you with all that fear and violence. You was innocent and I'd born you and couldn't protect you. You was mine, my baby and I couldn't-"

"Zack, you may hate me. You damn well got a right to it, but you got to know that for every bit you hate me, I hate myself a hundred times more."

Zack abruptly grabs hold of his mother, crushing her to his shoulder. He lets her cry violently against him for a long time. Sometimes, his own tears join in too; her words touching him, rubbing him raw. Those who have not sinned… but he has sinned and has cast so many stones.

Finally, Zack finds his voice, soft and cracking though it may be.

"How do you live with it?" he croaks, anguished and torn apart. "How do you live with how much you hate yourself?"

* * *

Angeal does not expect Zack back so soon or so sober, though a closer proximity proves the latter untrue.

Zack barely looks up from where he is seated on the station bench. He looks different to Angeal's eyes, thinner, harder.

"Was it... what you needed?" Angeal hesitates, unsure of how to deal with this new Zack.

"I need forgiveness."

It is whispered so low that even mako-enhanced ears might not catch it.

"I need his forgiveness, Angeal."

Zack's eyes turn to him, haunted and searching. Angeal avoids them after a short while, unable to bear the dark in his mentee's gaze.

"I hated her 'Geal. I hated her with all my heart. I hate **him** even more. I think about that and I wonder how can I ask for it? How can I beg my dead son to forgive my sins? He was beautiful; 'Geal, and I ruined him-worse than my father ever ruined me."


	48. Test

I do not own FFVII or any of its character.

* * *

He wakes up with a silent scream. Every breath is a struggle, his nerves on fire in their fight to reconnect. His eyes are gummed and his mouth cotton dry. He rolls over and everywhere hurts. The bright lights sear his eyes. Tears flow freely down his face and he whimpers as he curls up into a tight ball.

"Kadaj."

"The lights," Kadaj moans between sobs.

There is a click and then darkness. Kadaj finds himself relaxing, drifting back onto the pillows he did not know where there. Cloud's blue gaze is staring at him when he finally opens his eyes. There is something different about the other boy, something shifting and glowing in Cloud's Shinra blues.

"Are you alright?"

Kadaj shifts, groaning as his muscles come back in use.

"You were out for awhile," Cloud explains as he comes closer.

Kadaj catches sight of the older teen's bandaged hands, and panic starts to rise.

"Where are we?" he hisses with distrust, eyeing the burnt flesh crawling up Cloud's skin.

* * *

"What happened?"

"I don't know," Cloud whispers…

But, he does. He does and it keeps him up at night and colors his dreams with nightmares. Blood, death, and mako creep into the trainee's memories. Cloud hyperventilates without meaning to. Aerith's dead body, Sephiroth's weeping face… He can see himself in reflections of terror ridden green.

Upset, Kadaj's pulse quickens. The monitors sound, the shrill noise echoing around the room.

Cloud barely makes out the slam of a door before he is shoved away by the onslaught of Lab personnel. Dazed, he lays against the wall as Kadaj's screams ring in his ear.

**Protect**

The directions of the screams change as he bites into the nearest scientist, the blood teases at his senses. He is elbow deep in a second one when he feels a slight prick and then another. Suddenly his world tilts to the side, and he greets the floor hard.

Kadaj is still screaming, but it is Cloud's name now. It fills the cadet with a prideful warmth. Perhaps, they are becoming friends.._._

Cloud lays there motionlessly as they sedate Kadaj, his blond head lolling uselessly against the laminate floors. Kadaj gives one final shriek before the sedative makes him succumb too. Cloud growls, the sound coming out feral and dangerous. The last thing he sees is a boot to the face.

* * *

"We will keep Strife for now."

Hojo's grin cannot bode well for either of the two boys. The head scientist bends over his control system to press a demand through its intercom.

"When subject 003 shows signs of waking, send him to the examination room."

A rough voice crackles through Hojo's speaker.

"And, the other subject, Doctor?"

"Run a pain tolerance test on him. Test his limits. I'm sure any subject from DEEPGROUND would suit your needs."

"Yes, Doctor."

"And, Edwards?"

"Yes?"

"Keep him alive if you can."

"Yes, Doctor."

* * *

Kadaj wakes up feeling even worse. This time, much to his horror, he is strapped down. He screams for anyone and everyone, even Cloud to help him. No one answers him. His pleas eventually fall to tears and his tears to loud, frightened half breaths of desperation.

The door opens after an eternity spent pleading.

"Let me go," he whines. "Please let me go."

"Weeping will do you little good, boy," says the slightly familiar man.

"I want to go home," Kadaj commands in a tremulous voice.

"Boy, this is your home, now."


	49. Hero

I don't own FFVII or any of its characters.

* * *

It is the crying that steals him away from his sleep. Quiet and persistent, it drags him slowly into wakefulness. Everything is blurry at first and it takes a moment for his vision to clear. His head aches and his scrubs rub across his wounds like sandpaper, but he is alive and that is all Cloud can ask for. He groans as he feels a rib shift. He passed that last "test" by the skin of his teeth.

"Kadaj," he grits out, against the pain and the other boy's crying voice, "could you get me some water?"

He watches the younger boy wipe hastily at his eyes. Hojo does not like tears. They are learning that lesson well here.

"I thought you were dead," Kadaj admits with a hiccup. "You wouldn't wake up."

Rosso had slammed his head his head into the concrete floor. It **was **supposed to be a killing blow, but Cloud does not tell Kadaj this. Instead, he hobbles towards Kadaj's bed and gratefully accepts the cup of water that his companion presents.

"Are you hurt?" Cloud asks, wondering why he cares. Nowadays, he finds that he **does** care, that he **always** cares.

"Not as bad as you," Kadaj whispers back lethargically, his eyes burning with an unchildish hate. "I hate him."

There is only them and the Labs, and the pain it inflicts. Things have changed in the time they have been here, and in their worst moments, it is not usual for them to cling. The hurt has made them brothers where Zack could not.

"What did he do?" Cloud questions with a sense of dread.

They both fear Hojo, but for the 14 year old Cloud, the scientist always has a look for Kadaj that the teen does not like. He has seen it in wolves in Nibelheim and on the faces of men in the Shinra barracks. He is not sure what it means but it scares him enough.

The younger boy rolls up his Lab issued whites for his bedmate to see clearly.

"He cut me… to see how I heal. He tries to be nice about it," Kadaj spits, "but he's not nice. He's just a big, stupid jerk."

Cut is an understatement. Kadaj's entire arm is littered with deep and painful wounds, the angry red of their inflamed healing a stark contrast against the boy's skin. Cloud fights the urge to maim swimming under his skin. It is not fair, this unwanted emotion flowing through him. It gets him beat up and sent to Rosso. It is not fair when Kadaj is not even really his friend…

"Does it hurt?" Cloud asks, knowing there is little he can do if it does.

"Duh," Kadaj scoffs in a way meant to trivialize his injuries. But Kadaj's injuries aren't little, not to Cloud. They are only little boys. He is only a little boy. Kadaj is an even littler boy. They should not be carved up or strapped down to laboratory tables. Rosso should not be able to punch him and laugh. They shouldn't be wearing clothes so white or scars this deep They should be safe. They should be home. They should be loved…

Kadaj yawns, his eyes drooping as he loses his fight to stay awake. Cloud can almost smell the drugs on Kadaj's breath, and it makes him sick. They dope him. Hojo dopes him, so they can hurt him all they like without Kadaj putting up a fight. Something in Cloud's chest tightens.

A sudden hopelessness swells up in Cloud, crashes against him until he thinks he will drown. An eroding sense of despair spreads throughout his body until everything but his eyes feel numb. They are filled with tears, but Cloud cannot find it in him to shed a single one, not when Kadaj looks as young as he does.

"Can I stay here?"

Kadaj shrugs a casual yes, but Cloud can see the loneliness in his eyes. It is as desperate as his own. They are only little boys and in this place, they are so alone.

"I'm so sleepy," Kadaj sighs, as he lays on his back, distanced and away from his former rival's intense gaze.

Cloud slides to the wall, letting it support him while he cradles his ribs. A groan leaves him when he realizes they still have hours to go before their next meal or lights out. They have nothing to play with and will have nothing until Hojo has deemed that they have earned it.

"What's your favorite color?" Cloud requests, trying to keep his companion awake.

"I'm tired," Kadaj drifts back.

Cloud is safe, so he can give in. He had been so, so sleepy but he had to stay up and make sure. The younger boy's eyes grow heavy with the toll of his adrenaline and Hojo's daily cocktail of drugs.

One fit was all it took, and now, Kadaj spends his downtime in a chemical daze.

"When we get out of here…"

"Hmmm," Kadaj does not even bother try to pull himself into consciousness, the pills in his system are too powerful.

"When we get out of here," Cloud growls with a new determination. " I'll never let anyone hurt us again. I'll never let anyone hurt you again."

Zack would have wanted him to be strong. Zack would have wanted him to protect Kadaj. Cloud does not want to fail him, the only man that ever truly believed he could be SOLDIER. If SOLDIER makes heroes, then that is what Cloud will become, even if it is only to himself and a half-drugged boy.


	50. Seeds

I don't own FFVII or any of its characters.

AN: Can't believe this has hit 50 chapters and 60,000 words. I want to give a big thanks to those who have followed over the years.

* * *

**TRIGGER WARNING: HOJO CREEPINESS, ABUSE**

* * *

"At first, I could not believe the tests. Your mother was only half and Sephiroth was only a mongrel of cells. However, here you are, standing before me, my greatest creation to date."

Kadaj tries to shrug off Hojo's hand discreetly. He does not like the scientist's touch. It is oily and slimy. Hojo's eyes always glow with something scary but Kadaj is too young to know what it is. He really hopes that it will always stay that way.

"You are beautiful." Hojo whispers and Kadaj feels sludge crawl down his arm. "Probably more beautiful than Sephiroth was at your age. It is amazing that you have inherited her delicacy."

Kadaj narrows his eyes to glare. He does not like being alone with Hojo. Where is Cloud? When the blond is there, he always feels a little safer.

* * *

Hojo takes in the furrowed little brows and pouting lips and sighs a deep sigh filled with things disgusting and base. This latest creation unravels him so.

"After so many failed attempts, I realized, you had to be produced naturally. I suppose that must be the only way for a full-blooded specimen. Ancients _are_ supposedly creatures of nature. Sephiroth even in his half-blooded state was difficult to take to term."

That the child does not possess a single J-cell, and yet resembles Sephiroth so markedly, makes him a puzzle to be marveled at. Hojo suddenly _shudders_ at the thought of what he _could_ do to this child, this little lord before him. Instead, Hojo composes himself.

Always the brilliant scientist, Hojo knows that it is foolish to act on desire. He learned that when Aerith and Sephiroth were small children. There were scientists with other projects and their wills had been of a weaker sort. Their projects had led to disaster; suicides, insubordination, to name a few. Trauma of that nature usually leads to instability and instability _ruins_ projects. No, Hojo keeps his desires locked up within his head. There he imagines and role-plays but he will _never_ act on these impulses.

Still, a part of Hojo groans when he looks upon the boy: upon a marble face, gossamer skin, and dichromatic eyes that dance of inhuman secrets. The boy is so inhumanly beautiful. Hojo jams a needle deeply into the boy's arm to quell his disquiet and breathes in satisfaction when the child winces. Let the pain show his power. It is **he** who is in control and not this child-god before him.

* * *

Kadaj grits his teeth against the burn of his tormentor's injection. He gasps as it slips through his veins, burning like fire and chilling like ice. He cannot help the whine that escapes from his lips. Hojo twists the needle as punishment and Kadaj fights to haul himself back in.

"I hate you," he growls through his clenched teeth. "IhateyouIhateyouIhateyou."

* * *

Hojo slaps him for his insolence, though the man is not usually given to touch. Something, in this child riles him where Sephiroth and Aerith did not. He had tried to play nice, to be the guardian that he had been to Aerith and Sephiroth, but with this new child, he will not. He had walked the line and played with pretenses, but the child saw through his ruse. There is nothing to be done for it now. Fear will hold this boy's hand and shape him into the god that Hojo wants.

"If my Dad's still alive, I hope he finds you and he kills you," Kadaj spits, though Cloud has been trying to get him to think otherwise.

In spite of himself, Hojo laughs. High pitched and cruel, he throws hard eyes at the livid infant before him. How fortunate for him that the drugs drain so much of the boy's strength. Hojo slams Kadaj into the examination table and gives a bullying smile.

"Do you really think you are that man's son?" Hojo sneers into his captive's stricken face. He watches with pleasure as the subject writhes his head in denial. He will break this boy and build him anew.

"You are a parasite, Subject 003. His child served as the container from which you were born. If I were to test your blood, I would not find a drop of humanity within it. You are a monster, boy - a monster of my creation. "

* * *

Kadaj stares after the wicked man whose eyes are like a wolf and weeps when he is gone. He wants Cloud here and now. He wants the older boy that had promised to protect him. That night, Kadaj has nightmares of hatred and self-disgust; memories from a lifetime ago. He showers for hours until Cloud pulls him into a tight embrace.

"Am I a monster, Cloud?" he cries into the other boy's shoulder, though he does not mean to.

Cloud tells him he is not, but Kadaj can see the way the older teens looks at himself with self-loathing. Maybe…, they are both monsters, so there is no fair way to tell.

Later, he dreams of Souba and Yazoo's teasing, and the darker nightmares fade away. Snuggling closer to Cloud, he dreams of heroes and mournfully whispers, "Daddy," not knowing which one he means.


End file.
